This was the first time Jiang Cheng saw Gu Fei cry.

Hearing his sobs and feeling his slight trembling, the warmth on his chest from Gu Fei's tears, Jiang Cheng had always felt he was a fairly strong person. Since coming here, every time he cried he would scold himself - crying again? What a sissy, why are you crying again?

He had always felt Gu Fei was stronger than him, or rather, in some ways, Gu Fei was more indifferent, more "cold-hearted" than him. He had never associated Gu Fei with tears before.  

But now, this person he thought was strong and indifferent to the point of cold-heartedness, the little overlord of the steel factory, the tough guy at school no one dared provoke, who could take nice photos, kept candy in his pocket, acted cute, and said "Brother Cheng I'm wrong" like an obedient little bunny, was now buried in his chest.  

Crying.

The sobs went from initial muted restraint to frustrated wailing with grievance.  

Jiang Cheng had never seen Gu Fei like this before, never imagined him like this. Now his mind was a mess, unsure of how to comfort him, and not wanting to comfort him either.  

This Gu Fei probably didn't need comforting. No matter how skillful the comforting, it would be of no use to Gu Fei.  

He just needed to be here and listen.

Gu Miao, who had been drawing bunnies beside them, had stopped at some point. Holding her pen, she watched Gu Fei quietly, frowning slightly but her face was calm.  

This expression reminded Jiang Cheng of when Gu Fei fought with someone, when Gu Fei threw someone onto a tree. Gu Miao had been calm then too, seeming not to know what was happening.

Jiang Cheng didn't know what she was thinking, if she was even thinking anything. He didn't know if she could feel Gu Fei's pain.

Jiang Cheng lowered his head and kissed Gu Fei's hair. His lips touched the bristles of his newly growing hair.

He regretted how things had gone today, and was surprised.  

But also felt relieved.

If he had never heard Gu Fei say those things today, would he have never known Gu Fei's true thoughts, his helplessness and despair? Would it always have remained a secret?

If...if they really separated one day, would he have never known that the person who occupied an important part of his confused youth harbored such a secret deep in his heart?

He lowered his head again and nuzzled Gu Fei's hair with his nose.

"Prickly?" Gu Fei's muffled voice came from his chest.

"Hmm?" Jiang Cheng was startled. Gu Fei's nasal voice made his heart ache.

"My hair. I can feel it's prickly when I touch it." Gu Fei said.

"A bit," Jiang Cheng nuzzled his bristly hair again. "Aren't you going to grow it out? You've shaved it so many times..."

"I think I look cool like this." Gu Fei said, rubbing against his clothes.

"...Are you using my clothes to wipe your face?" Jiang Cheng looked down.

"Mm," Gu Fei paused, then slowly slid down. "If you won't let me use your clothes then I'll use your pants."

"Fuck--" Jiang Cheng jumped in shock, glancing at Gu Miao. She was still watching them expressionlessly holding her pen. He hurriedly pulled Gu Fei's clothes back up. "Your sister is watching!"

Gu Fei stopped, his face still buried in Jiang Cheng's stomach. He reached out a finger and flicked Gu Miao's drawing paper. Gu Miao lowered her head and started drawing bunnies again with her pen.

"I'm going to..." Gu Fei got up from the sofa. "Wash my face."

"Okay." Jiang Cheng nodded.

There were still tear tracks on Gu Fei's face, his wet lashes clumped together. Seeing him like this made Jiang Cheng's heart twist painfully.

"You have really long lashes." He said.

"Yours are long too." Gu Fei smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "Were you waiting for me to say that?"

"Pfft." Jiang Cheng said.

Gu Fei went to wash his face. Jiang Cheng turned and looked at Gu Miao, who had finished another bunny drawing and was now seriously looking through a picture book. He gave her another sheet of paper.

The living room was very quiet. Jiang Cheng tilted his head back against the sofa, feeling a little heavy in his heart but also strangely clear, like he had just recovered from a week-long cold and could finally breathe freely again.

Gu Fei hadn't avoided his gaze, he had cried with a tear-stained face openly in front of him. Jiang Cheng liked this Gu Fei.

Maybe I have sides I'm unwilling to show you, but if I'm willing to show you, I won't hide anymore.

Jiang Cheng got up and went into the bathroom. Gu Fei was holding a towel-wrapped ice pack on his eyes. Jiang Cheng went behind him and hugged him. "Are your eyes swollen?"

"A little, not too bad." Gu Fei said. "Probably be fine in 15 minutes."

"I was worried you'd startle Gu Miao just now." Jiang Cheng said.

"No," Gu Fei smiled. "She can't sense other people's emotions."

"I see." Jiang Cheng sighed softly. "I can...sense them."

"Did I startle you then?" Gu Fei asked.

"No," Jiang Cheng said. "I just really ache for you."

"It's really nothing." Gu Fei said. "Some things you just deal with behind closed doors. Once you step outside, no one knows how much dissatisfaction others hold inside. Everyone looks the same."

Jiang Cheng didn't respond. He lowered his head and bit Gu Fei's shoulder.  

"When did you learn that piece?" Gu Fei asked suddenly.

"What piece?" Jiang Cheng didn't react at first.

"The one you played today."  

"Oh, from when I heard it before. I remembered most of it." Jiang Cheng said. Thinking of it again put him in a bad mood, both because Gu Fei hadn't heard him play which made him feel regretful, and because if not for that incident, they wouldn't have had this blowup today. "I changed some parts, forgot some areas."

"It sounded really nice, better than the original." Gu Fei said.

"Hmm?" Jiang Cheng jerked his head up to look at Gu Fei's reflection in the mirror. "You heard it? I thought you left already. I didn't see you when I went on stage!"

"I listened till the end before leaving." Gu Fei switched to icing his other eye. "The auditorium isn't soundproof. I was right under the window in the back wall."

"Damn." Jiang Cheng said, then repeated in shock, "Damn."  

"I didn't hear it very clearly though." Gu Fei turned around leaning on the sink. "The school sound system wasn't good."

"Oh." Jiang Cheng still didn't know what to say.

"Help me press this." Gu Fei handed the ice pack to him.

"Oh, okay." Jiang Cheng took it and held it on his eyes.

"I wrote that piece when I was little." Gu Fei said. "Just messing around."

"Are you boasting?" Jiang Cheng said. "Very sly boasting."

Gu Fei laughed. "I'm serious."

"To tone deaf people like me, you're clearly a huge showoff." Jiang Cheng looked at him.

"Mind your language." Gu Fei said.

"A huge f*cking showoff." Jiang Cheng said.

Gu Fei's mouth quirked up and he leaned in to kiss Jiang Cheng's nose. "Were you really angry today?"

"Not exactly angry." Jiang Cheng wrung out the towel. "You know my temper. Sometimes I just can't hold it in. I just felt like, if you were angry or unhappy or pissed off, at least tell me. Come curse at me, Jiang Cheng you f*cking dumbass, or punch me, so I'd know what was going on..."

Gu Fei didn't speak, just moved forward and kissed him.  

Jiang Cheng froze, then felt Gu Fei's tongue sweep over his teeth. He snapped back to himself and fiercely embraced Gu Fei, tangling together with him.

Like they had a feud, enemies meeting with extra hostility, tongues clashing fiercely for the upper hand, unable to determine a winner for the moment.

Jiang Cheng just felt a desperate kind of hunger, wanting to crush Gu Fei into a ball and hug him tightly, or bite him all over leaving teeth marks everywhere.

Gu Fei probably had the same idea, pushing him against the wall and biting from his earlobe to his shoulder. Jiang Cheng finally couldn't stand it and darted forward to bite Gu Fei's arm.

"You're a dog!" Gu Fei pinched his cheeks. "Let go!"

Jiang Cheng released his bite and leaned back against the wall, tipping his head back and heaving out a long breath, closing his eyes.