Chapter 41

He Lezhi was a very cautious person when it comes to relationships, especially after growing up.

Those he let into his inner circle received his infinite indulgence and tolerance, but getting into this circle was very difficult. Over the years, there have only been a few. Most were just friends with whom he was on pretty good terms—not particularly close, but still good, like his college roommates and some friends he made after starting work. They didn't usually keep in close contact, but they were there for each other when needed.

If he was like this with friendships, it was even more so with romantic relationships.

Back then, Zhou Muyao pursued him for two years, and it was very difficult for He Lezhi to take that step. Objectively speaking, there was less to consider then than there is now.

Between him and Han Fangchi, even setting aside all external factors, just their relationship itself—this extremely rare and important bond forged in their teens—was a wall He Lezhi was reluctant to push aside.

After all, romantic relationships come with too many uncertainties. If it failed, they would lose each other completely.

For He Lezhi, hiding his feelings, pretending nothing happened, and continuing to accompany and watch over him from a suitable distance was simpler than acknowledging his feelings and facing them head-on.

He Lezhi barely slept that night. His mind was in turmoil, with many scenes from his teens and the present flashing through his head interchangeably. Even when he did fall asleep, it was filled with dreams.

On workdays, he usually woke up a little after six. Even on days off, his biological clock would wake him by seven at the latest. But that night, because his sleep was so fragmented, he must have only drifted off in a daze after dawn, and his biological clock was thrown into disarray.

A little after eight, Han Fangchi sent him a message, asking if he was awake.

He Lezhi saw it groggily and replied that he was.

When Han Fangchi came over at nine, he knocked a few times before letting himself in with the code.

The sound of the door closing made He Lezhi blearily open his eyes.

The apartment was quiet. Han Fangchi looked around but didn't see He Lezhi. The bedroom door was open, but no light came through, indicating the curtains hadn't been drawn yet.

Han Fangchi didn't go over. He sat on the sofa, not playing on his phone, just sitting quietly.

Sunlight streamed in gently, bright but not harsh. There was no sound in the room. It didn't feel boring; instead, there was a sense of slow, peaceful stability.

Han Fangchi thought, 'So this is what it feels like.'

He Lezhi walked out wearing the same loungewear from last night. The moment he left the bedroom, their eyes met. Now, in broad daylight, with no darkness to hide behind, all sorts of indescribable feelings surged up as they looked at each other.

“You're here?” He Lezhi said.

Still nasal from just waking up, he said, “I just woke up.”

Han Fangchi asked, “Didn't sleep well?”

He Lezhi didn't deny it, just hummed in agreement.

He was wearing a loose, beige short-sleeved shirt and gray pants, with slippers on his bare feet. His clothes were still creased from sleep. His loungewear was mostly light-colored, always giving off a fresh, clean, and comfortably relaxed at-home vibe.

Han Fangchi didn't bring up last night, nor did he make a point of saying anything. While He Lezhi was washing up, he stood at the doorway and asked, “Eating at home?”

With a toothbrush in his mouth, He Lezhi mumbled, “Fried rice.”

Han Fangchi said, “Okay.”

He Lezhi took his time washing up. Han Fangchi went to the fridge himself, took out the leftover rice from yesterday meant for today's fried rice, and rummaged around for other ingredients. He hadn't used He Lezhi's kitchen before and wasn't very familiar with it.

He Lezhi came out with messy, half-damp hair. Han Fangchi was almost done with the cooking. He had also sliced the bit of leftover yam and lettuce stem from yesterday, as well as the braised beef, looking like he was planning to fry them all together in a bit.

“You didn't wear gloves when cutting the yam?” He Lezhi came over and asked.

With the range hood on, Han Fangchi didn't hear clearly and turned to ask, “Hm?”

He Lezhi paused for a moment before saying, “The yam, did you wear gloves?”

“I used a paper towel to hold it while cutting, it's fine,” Han Fangchi said, turning back. “Couldn't find any gloves.”

“They're in the drawer below,” He Lezhi said.

Normally, whoever was free would cook, but since He Lezhi got off work earlier, he cooked more often. Their tastes in food used to be quite different, but after being meal buddies for a year, they've adapted to each other, and now their cooking tastes pretty much the same.

He Lezhi didn't stand in the kitchen. He sat on a dining chair with his back to the kitchen, poured a glass of warm water, and drank it by himself.

While washing the wok, Han Fangchi glanced back at him and saw him sitting perfectly straight. He Lezhi never slouched, not since he was a child—He Qi wouldn't allow it. Back in school, he had the best posture in the whole class. Han Fangchi pulled out a paper towel to dry the water, smiled faintly, and asked, “Want some soup?”

“No need, I'm drinking water,” He Lezhi said.

Han Fangchi hummed in acknowledgment.

They had been eating like this for a year, but after last night, things were inevitably a little different. It wasn't exactly awkward, but every time one of them looked up, it was no longer an unconscious action. The significance of looking up and meeting each other's gaze was heightened; they couldn't just look at each other whenever they wanted to speak like before. Perhaps this was only on He Lezhi's side; Han Fangchi's glances and gazes seemed quite natural.

“What are you planning to do today?” Han Fangchi asked.

He Lezhi said, “No plans. I want to take a nap in the afternoon.”

Han Fangchi nodded. “Then I'll go play ball? Basketball with my colleagues.”

He Lezhi said, “Okay.”

Han Fangchi said, “I'll probably be back around three or four. If something comes up, just message me. I can eat with my colleagues.”

“Mm,” He Lezhi said, “okay.”

Han Fangchi stayed for a while after the meal and left before noon.

Once he left, the apartment fell silent again. He Lezhi didn't feel like doing anything. He tried to read but couldn't focus. He grabbed a throw pillow and lay on the sofa, spacing out.

Han Fangchi gave him both time and space. He could even make up an excuse to be alone all afternoon.

He Lezhi lay in the sunlight with his eyes closed, placing his arm across them to block the light.

There was no doubt that Fangchi was good; in He Lezhi's eyes, he had no flaws. But it was also a fact that the current Fangchi was too difficult to handle.

That day, He Lezhi didn't message Han Fangchi to say anything had come up. Han Fangchi came back a little after three in the afternoon, hungry from playing ball, and ate the leftover cake from last night first. He Lezhi made dinner. After cleaning up, Han Fangchi sat for a while before going home, telling He Lezhi to “sleep early.”

For the following period, Han Fangchi remained this way. He was no different than before, not making He Lezhi feel any extra pressure. They didn't have to meet every day; it was basically the same as before. When they did meet, he didn't bring up any topics that crossed the line, and his tone of voice was the same as always, with no explicit or implicit hints.

If he hadn't made himself so clear under the dim cover of night, He Lezhi would have suspected that he had misunderstood.

But at the same time, He Lezhi also knew that this was just the kind of person Fangchi was.

To a certain extent, Han Fangchi was actually a very methodical person. As a child, among his high school peers, he would sometimes seem a bit rigid because he was too proper.

He had said he would give He Lezhi time, and he truly meant it. He wouldn't drop hints in his words to remind him from time to time, nor would he try to push things forward indirectly.

Except for that one night, Han Fangchi showed no further initiative or aggressiveness.

If it were anyone else, they might have found Han Fangchi's behavior after that night to be too placid and felt uncertain. But for He Lezhi, it allowed him to relax. He wouldn't be constantly on edge, and the chaotic thoughts in his mind, which seemed to offer no way forward or back, could temporarily settle down, no longer blocking everything and leaving him unable to breathe.

On Friday night, He Lezhi had a company dinner. Han Fangchi went home to tutor Han Zhiyao. At nine in the evening, he sent He Lezhi a message.

Fangchi: Did you drink?

Lezhi: A little, just for show.

Fangchi: Should I pick you up?

Lezhi: No need, I'll just call a designated driver.

Fangchi: What time do you expect it to end?

Lezhi: Can't estimate, feels like we're not even halfway through.

Fangchi: Got it.

He Lezhi rarely drank, and his colleagues didn't pressure him to. He just had to sip from his glass to join in the fun.

It was a three-story party venue. The two older colleagues had already gone home, leaving only the young people. None of the younger ones had left, and the main door had already been locked.

He Lezhi was pulled into a card game by his boss, who showed no signs of letting anyone leave even at half past eleven. Another message came on He Lezhi's phone.

Fangchi: Not over yet?

Lezhi: Yeah.

Fangchi: Send me the location?

He Lezhi held his cards in one hand and replied to the message with the other.

Lezhi: Don't pick me up, I don't know when this will be over. You should sleep, Fangchi.

The sentence was a bit long, and it took He Lezhi a while to type it out with some effort. The others were all waiting for him.

“Is Engineer He asking for permission from home?” a colleague joked.

He Lezhi smiled but didn't explain further.

“Are you still going home tonight?” the colleague asked him. “Let's just crash upstairs for the night.”

He Lezhi said, “I have to go back, I have to.”

The third floor had accommodations, with a few beds and some tatami mats. There was no way He Lezhi would stay here with his colleagues; he had to go home, no matter how late it was.

He didn't send Han Fangchi the location. Han Fangchi said: Have fun, just let me know when you're done.

He Lezhi replied: Okay, go to sleep.

It was already three in the morning by the time He Lezhi could leave. The boss couldn't stay up any longer and had to leave first, magnanimously announcing that the entire company would have Monday off. No one had to come to work, so they could have fun without restraint, giving everyone an extra day off.

He Lezhi quickly took the opportunity to slip out with him.

He stood at the entrance for twenty minutes before he could get a designated driver. By the time the car drove into the complex's underground garage, the sky was already brightening.

He Lezhi had been drinking and had pulled an all-nighter. He could barely keep his eyes open. The initial lurch as the elevator started to ascend made him dizzy for a while, and the stop made him dizzy again.

As He Lezhi stepped out of the elevator, he sent Han Fangchi a message: Home.

He hadn't had a chance to wash his hands before leaving the party, so his fingers were slippery now. The fingerprint scanner failed to unlock after three tries. Just as he was about to enter the code, the door opened from the inside.

He Lezhi stared in astonishment as Han Fangchi pushed the door open, fully dressed, clearly not having slept.

“Fangchi?” he called out, stunned.

Han Fangchi let him in and said, “Does your company’s team-building last all night?”

“It's usually during the day, who knew it would be at night this time.” He Lezhi changed his shoes and came in, looking at Han Fangchi and asking, “...You haven't slept at all?”

“I was worried you might have drunk too much,” Han Fangchi said, “and worried you wouldn't be able to get a designated driver. Didn't you say you'd let me know when it was over?”

“I...” He Lezhi suddenly felt that anything he said would be inappropriate. He cleared his throat and said, “I thought you were asleep... You should have just slept. When have you ever seen me get drunk?”

“The times I've seen you were with friends. I don't know if there are drinks you can't avoid at company dinners.” Han Fangchi asked him, “You didn't drink too much, right?”

“No, I've sobered up.” He Lezhi looked at the stubble that had already grown on Han Fangchi's jaw, his heart feeling both full and empty.

“Okay, get cleaned up and go to sleep quickly.” Han Fangchi went to get his phone, lightly patted him on the back, and went to change his shoes. “I won't bother you today. Message me when you wake up.”

It was already light outside. Han Fangchi had waited here all night for him.

He Lezhi subconsciously raised his hand and grabbed his arm. “Just sleep here. Why bother going back?”

“It's a hassle. I'd have to spend a long time getting things ready,” Han Fangchi said. “I'm leaving.”

The guest room had never been used, so the bedding would have to be changed. Han Fangchi didn't give He Lezhi a chance to say “it's okay.” He just said, “Be in bed within five minutes,” then closed the door and left.