Straw and Blade Part 2

In the microphone, Nan Jia's voice was slightly more serious than usual. "Professor Wang is attending a seminar today and can't make it to class. I am his teaching assistant, Nan Jia. In this class, I will show you all some practical cases and also review the other content the professor has taught before. You can also treat it as a review and Q&A session."

She looked at the name roster in her hand, but finally put it down. "I won't take attendance. I assume everyone is quite self-disciplined."

A boy joked, "Good thing I came today, this is a huge win."

Everyone laughed, including Yue Zhishi.

He found that he couldn't dislike Nan Jia no matter what.

Nan Jia's academic performance had always been among the best. She was very capable and helped them go over the previous course content, connecting the logic very completely. Yue Zhishi felt that the parts he hadn't understood before were all cleared up, and some points that were difficult to remember were also well-digested.

After the long lecture, Nan Jia kept a smile on her face. Many students greeted her as they left, and she responded to each one. Yue Zhishi packed his bag and walked over. "Senior."

"What do you think, were you surprised to see me?" Nan Jia unplugged the USB drive and walked out with him. "You don't look so well. Let me buy you a coffee. There's a self-service coffee machine around the corner on this floor. It's pretty good. Have you tried it?"

Yue Zhishi shook his head and said that this course was a bit difficult, and he had a bit of a cold, which was why he was low on energy.

"Ah, it was the same for me when I took this course. I was often in a fog." She whispered to Yue Zhishi, "This professor is brilliant himself, but not very good at lecturing. But I have his old course materials here. Although there are some slight changes, they're pretty much the same. Do you need them?"

"Yes!" Yue Zhishi cheered up, then complained, "He doesn't give out course materials anymore."

Nan Jia led him to the self-service coffee machine at the corner and bought him a caramel macchiato, saying that this one was the best, with a strong nutty flavor.

"I don't have time today, but I'll take you for freshly ground coffee next time."

Just as she was speaking, a girl walked over from nearby, calling Nan Jia's name from afar. "What are you doing here!"

Nan Jia turned around. "Yueyue." She raised the coffee cup in her hand towards her. "My TA class just ended. I'm having coffee with my junior to perk up. You said our dorm was leaking at noon, is it fixed?"

Yue Zhishi looked at the senior named Yueyue and guessed they were roommates, and they seemed very close. She walked over and also greeted Yue Zhishi warmly. "I know you, you're Yue Zhishi, right? You're Song Yu's little brother."

"Hello, Senior."

"Hello, hello, you're so famous. As soon as you arrived, you became the Campus Beau of our Law School. So many people talk about you." She had a cheerful personality, and her eyebrows danced as she spoke.

Yue Zhishi shook his head shyly, not knowing how to respond.

Yueyue stared at Yue Zhishi, then looked at Nan Jia and gave him a wink. "Hey, you're so close to Song Yu's little brother. Are you up to something?"

Nan Jia frowned. "What nonsense are you talking? That's completely unrelated."

"Why are you being so reserved, honestly." She smiled at Yue Zhishi again. "I'll tell you a secret, your Senior Nan Jia has liked your brother since her first year."

Yue Zhishi's heart ached with a dull pain. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but the other person spoke first.

"Help your senior sister out, won't you?"

Before Yue Zhishi could react, Nan Jia made an excuse and parted with her roommate, pulling Yue Zhishi away.

They came out of the academic building and sat down on a bench in the small garden behind it. During this time, Nan Jia kept telling Yue Zhishi, "My roommate is a rather blunt girl. Don't take her words seriously, she was just joking."

Later, Yue Zhishi sat down. The coffee in his hand had cooled a little and was now drinkable.

He didn't drink much, but the effect of the caffeine came faster than he had imagined. He could feel his fingers trembling a little. He didn't know if it was because he was underdressed again, but Yue Zhishi felt a bit cold.

Nan Jia said she was always inevitably teased, not just about Song Yu, but about others as well. She laughed as she spoke again. "Some people even joke about you and me, isn't that funny?"

The way she explained it seemed to confirm their words.

Yue Zhishi looked up and at Nan Jia. "Senior, do you really like my brother?"

Nan Jia fell silent, then sat down next to Yue Zhishi. She looked down at the coffee in her cup and only spoke after a long while. "Yes, I've liked him since my first year. But..."

She looked up at Yue Zhishi. "Lele, I don't need your help."

Yue Zhishi frowned. "Really?" He couldn't even stop himself from giving Nan Jia a smile and saying words that he himself felt were very hypocritical. "I can help you. I used to help people pass love letters to him, and deal with the girls who couldn't get his contact info and came to me instead. It's nothing."

He wanted to say, 'If it were you, I'd be more willing,' but in the end, Yue Zhishi couldn't say it.

He found that he was even starting to like this feeling of self-harm, as if the more he suffered, the less confused he would be.

Nan Jia tilted her head and also smiled at Yue Zhishi. "The reason I said I don't need help is that I'm currently in a phase of gradually giving up. But it was a one-sided crush from the beginning anyway. Aside from my own emotional costs, I haven't actually invested anything tangible. It's just me liking him, and then me giving up on him. From start to finish, it won't affect Song Yu or anyone else."

Yue Zhishi couldn't quite understand. "Give up?"

He felt that giving up on Song Yu was the most difficult thing in the world.

"Can you really give him up?"

Nan Jia looked into his eyes, her tone light. "Does 'giving up' sound pretty pathetic? But actually, I have my own considerations for making such a decision."

Her fingers tapped lightly on the side of the paper cup. "I think there are two indicators to measure whether to give up on someone: First, what is the probability that he will accept me? Second, is my affection for him worth me investing a large amount of time and emotion to force it?"

Seeing that Yue Zhishi was a little lost, Nan Jia smiled and explained, "Let's talk about the first point. I can clearly sense that Song Yu doesn't like me, in a completely uninterested way. This point alone is probably already very difficult. So then I have to consider the second point. It's true that I like him, but is this affection really worth me consuming my energy, giving up my life, and pursuing him recklessly like they do in idol dramas? Will he then fall in love with me and give me a response?"

The wind picked up, and a leaf landed on Nan Jia's long dress, but she didn't brush it away. "You know, many people think that once a girl falls in love, she'll lose her mind and like someone to the point of abandoning herself. But I don't think I can do that. I have too many things I want to do, too many goals."

"So you think if there isn't much hope for something, you can choose to give up, is that right?" Yue Zhishi asked.

"No. Rather than saying that, it's more like between him and myself, I chose myself." Nan Jia looked at him. "More than liking him, I love myself more. I don't want to give up on myself, so I gave up on Song Yu."

Yue Zhishi realized that Nan Jia was very clear-headed, similar to Song Yu in some ways, but even more focused than Song Yu.

"Senior Nan Jia, you're amazing." His tone was envious, yet very sincere. "To be able to make a decision so rationally."

Nan Jia gave a wry smile. "Who wants to be rational about feelings? It's only because I wasn't the one who was favored."

She took a sip of coffee. "Actually, I have a faint feeling that Song Yu has someone he likes. Maybe it's just an unreliable intuition."

This sentence made Yue Zhishi start to feel uncomfortable. He supported himself on the bench, his nose a little stuffy, as if his cold had suddenly worsened. He put on a curious facade and asked softly, "Is that so? Who do you think it is?"

"If you don't know, then of course I don't know either." Nan Jia smiled, but only for a moment. The smile on her face gradually faded. "I just feel that, a lot of the time, Song Yu does things to distract himself, like the basketball shooting I mentioned earlier. He sometimes zones out, as if he's thinking of someone. Girls are very sensitive, we can all feel it."

Yue Zhishi's feelings became very complicated. When Nan Jia had truly admitted to liking Song Yu, he had felt great pain, as if it was equivalent to them getting together and Song Yu leaving him. But when Nan Jia said she was giving up, Yue Zhishi suddenly felt a sense of relief that even he found contemptible. He had clearly breathed a sigh of relief.

But now, he had changed again. He couldn't wait to know if Song Yu really had someone he liked, and who it was.

It was terrifying. Yue Zhishi felt he couldn't bear it for another moment. No matter how he tried to convince himself, such a mentality was obviously unhealthy, pathological, and absolutely not a thought a younger brother should have.

"Lele, don't tell your brother what I've told you." Nan Jia gave him a pleading look. "I just wanted to explain things clearly to you to avoid more trouble. Besides, if he knew, he would probably feel awkward too."

Yue Zhishi nodded. "I understand."

"Also..." Nan Jia let out a breath and patted Yue Zhishi's shoulder. "What I said about my approach to love is just for me, because I'm very selfish, I fuss over costs and returns, and I can sense that the other person's heart belongs elsewhere. But—"

Her tone became solemn again, full of encouragement. "If you meet someone you like, don't be like me. If you really, really like them, you should be a little braver."

For some reason, Yue Zhishi's eyes suddenly stung. "Really?"

"Yes. Maybe the other person feels the same way. It would be too much of a pity to miss out." Nan Jia looked up at the clouds in the sky and murmured to herself, "Song Yu is great, but I'm not bad either. I will definitely meet someone who will make me willing to not count the cost, and who will also give me a response."

Yue Zhishi looked at Nan Jia's side profile and hesitated for a moment. In his heart, Nan Jia was someone who could help him clear away the fog. She was clear-headed and sincere, making Yue Zhishi unconsciously trust her.

Or perhaps he truly had nowhere else to turn, so he had desperately chosen Nan Jia, hoping to get a life-saving straw from her, or a blade to sever his thoughts.

"Senior."

Nan Jia turned back. "Hm?"

Yue Zhishi's brows were slightly furrowed, his voice very soft. "How do you distinguish between liking someone and other feelings?"

Looking into Yue Zhishi's eyes, Nan Jia was silent for two seconds, then replied in a not-so-light but very calm voice, "Lele, if you only have other feelings for a person, he is very, very good, and you will be very happy and feel warm whenever you see him or think of him."

"What makes you feel uncontrollably pained, that is liking."