Lingbo Boardwalk Part 2

Yue Zhishi swung his legs a bit, then shuffled closer to Song Yu. “Brother, did you used to come here often?”

Song Yu gazed into the distance and shook his head. “I've only ever sat on the benches on the shore. This is my first time on the boardwalk.”

Yue Zhishi found it incredible. “It's so beautiful here, why didn't you come up?”

'It's precisely because it's so beautiful that I wanted to save the first experience for when you came.'

'Not just the Lingbo Gate boardwalk, but also the Plum Garden Field where they show open-air movies every Friday, Yingding with its blooming cherry blossoms in early spring, the arches of the old dormitory reflecting the sea of golden ginkgo trees on the distant mountains, the administrative building's field that gets covered in white snow in winter...'

'So many places Song Yu had walked through silently, alone, but he never lingered, as if staying a moment longer would make it less beautiful the next time he came to see it with him.'

'Even back then, he felt that Yue Zhishi might not necessarily come to this school.'

Song Yu was silent for a moment, then found a random excuse to deflect his question. “Because I don't like sitting on the ground. It's too dirty.”

Yue Zhishi found this very funny, although it did fit the profile of a neat freak. “But aren't you sitting here now? What's the difference?”

“The difference is that you're here.” Song Yu looked at him and said with a straight face, “If I didn't come up, how would I explain it to my mom if you fell in?”

'That makes sense.'

“Alright.” Yue Zhishi dangled his long legs. Just as he was about to speak, a boy a few meters away jumped straight off the boardwalk, splashing water all over Yue Zhishi and startling him. He immediately tried to stand up but was pulled back down by Song Yu.

“It's normal.” Song Yu was still holding his hand. “Look, there are quite a few people swimming down there.”

Only then did Yue Zhishi notice that there was indeed a group of people swimming in the lake not far away, looking like they were having a lot of fun.

“In the summer, there's even a Lake East jumping event. People jump in all sorts of ways.” Song Yu gazed at the lake's surface, as if reminiscing. “Some ride a bicycle straight in, some bring a diving board, and there are couples who jump in while holding each other.”

In the faint glow of the lights, Yue Zhishi gazed at Song Yu's side profile. He felt that Song Yu's voice was very gentle, as was his vacant gaze, as if he had seen all these things with his own eyes, had been here many times, and had seen all sorts of different people.

He was curious whether Song Yu came alone or with someone else. But as soon as Yue Zhishi pictured that scene, thinking of Song Yu sitting alone on a bench by the shore, he felt very sad. He couldn't quite accept the image of Song Yu being solitary and lonely; he would feel sad for him.

But Yue Zhishi found it even more impossible to imagine Song Yu coming with someone else, sitting on that bench together. He would feel sad for himself.

This contradictory emotion was like a slow-acting drug, corroding Yue Zhishi's heart bit by bit. At first, he couldn't feel it, but gradually, these feelings grew stronger, flaring up from time to time and causing him to fall into negative fantasies for no reason.

“Sometimes you can take a boat here.” Song Yu spoke, interrupting his thoughts. “We can try our luck next time.”

“Mm,” Yue Zhishi responded. “The sunset must be beautiful from here, right? Can we come watch the sunset together next time? When you're not busy.”

Song Yu nodded.

He thought about Qin Yan renting an apartment and said casually, “I also like looking at the lake. The scenery here is really nice.”

“Although our house is big, we can only see the green spaces in our complex. It must be great to be able to see the lake from the balcony.”

Just imagining it felt very satisfying. Yue Zhishi looked around and noticed that new people had come up onto the corner of the boardwalk where the boy had just jumped into the lake. It was also two boys, but they were leaning closer than he and Song Yu were, their heads almost touching.

Yue Zhishi was a little curious, so he watched for a while longer. He was surprised to discover that they were holding hands, their fingers intertwined.

This stirred an unidentifiable emotion in his heart. The next second, within his line of sight, the boy on the right turned his head and gave the person next to him a brief kiss. Then, because of this bold action, a shy and adorable smile appeared on his face.

The sky had turned completely dark. The surface of the lake shimmered, and those hidden emotions were scattered by the wind, falling into these glittering fragments and dissolving into the lake water.

“What are you looking at?” Song Yu subconsciously glanced in the direction of Yue Zhishi's gaze and also noticed the couple, but he didn't say anything.

Yue Zhishi turned his face away, head lowered, palms propped on the stone surface of the boardwalk, and nervously swung his dangling legs. “Nothing.”

Although he said that, Yue Zhishi still wasn't used to hiding things from Song Yu. So after a couple of seconds, he turned to Song Yu and said, “They just kissed. I saw it.”

Song Yu wasn't as surprised as he had imagined and said calmly, “Is that so.” Yue Zhishi nodded at him. “They were holding hands, too.”

Yue Zhishi belatedly realized that he hadn't associated the sight of two boys kissing with the scene he had been forced to witness by accident after his junior high graduation. On the contrary, he found it very pure, especially the smile on the face of the boy who initiated it.

'How cute. He must really like his boyfriend.'

Seeing Yue Zhishi fall silent, Song Yu wondered if he should say something else, but unexpectedly, Yue Zhishi looked up and asked him, “Brother, do you think it's weird that they kissed?”

As he spoke, Yue Zhishi's hand, which was propped on the boardwalk, shifted, and his fingertips brushed against Song Yu's. They were a little cold. Song Yu looked at Yue Zhishi, then averted his gaze as if unconcerned, his tone flat. “What's so weird about it? It has nothing to do with us.”

It didn't sound like a rhetorical question, just a simple statement.

“So, can you accept guys being with guys?”

Faced with Yue Zhishi's question, Song Yu was at an impasse. He didn't want to give any leading answer, but he also didn't want to say something he didn't mean.

“It's not up to me to accept it or not. That's their own business.”

That might have sounded too cold, so Song Yu added, “As long as they genuinely like each other, there's nothing wrong with it.”

“Right.” Yue Zhishi agreed softly, as if convincing himself.

Song Yu realized his heart was truly hard. Even with the person he liked right in front of him, asking a question that could be his chance to reveal his secret love to the world, he still did nothing, because he was an older brother.

Their relationship was like a bubble, ready to pop at the slightest touch. Yue Zhishi could be reckless, but he had to be cautious and bear all the consequences.

He wished he were truly a stubborn rock, unfeeling, able to remain resolute and not grow weak.

The wind grew cooler. Yue Zhishi pressed close to Song Yu's arm, as if trying to draw some warmth from him. He could smell that nice scent on Song Yu again.

He didn't know when it started, but he wanted to hug Song Yu, to possess him completely. When he learned that Song Yu had so many memories he hadn't been a part of, Yue Zhishi would feel helpless.

It was like he had come down with a serious illness. He had originally thought he could pursue someone without asking for anything in return, but he wasn't that noble.

He needed something in return. He needed a Song Yu who belonged completely and solely to him.

This somewhat morbid possessiveness was about to devour Yue Zhishi's heart.

He couldn't continue the previous topic, so he sniffled and changed to a new one.

“Brother, when is the next fieldwork trip?” Yue Zhishi asked.

Song Yu said he wasn't sure. Yue Zhishi then asked if he could go along, but Song Yu refused. “It's a bit dangerous.”

Yue Zhishi sensibly compromised. “Then you'll bring me back a rock, right?”

He turned his head to look at Song Yu. “Bring one back only for me.”

“I'll bring one for you.” Song Yu gave him a firm promise. “But these rocks are useless. You don't study this stuff, so they don't really have any meaning for you.”

“Then would it be more meaningful to give it to someone else?”

Faced with Yue Zhishi's sudden question, Song Yu frowned. “Why would you say that?”

For a moment, Yue Zhishi was at a loss for words and didn't give him an answer.

He suddenly felt very insecure, in every way. He was afraid that someone Song Yu cared about more would appear, leaving no place for him. He was even more afraid that Song Yu would suddenly disappear one day and never come back.

“I just don't want you to give it to anyone else. Can you not?”

Song Yu keenly sensed the change in Yue Zhishi and quickly softened. He raised his hand and gently patted the top of Yue Zhishi's head. “I can.”

He didn't want to disappoint Yue Zhishi. “I'll try my best to find different souvenirs for you. They might not be this valuable every time, so don't have too high expectations.”

Yue Zhishi took out the Turquoise he had given him and lowered his head to gaze at the blue cut surface that glowed like porcelain. “Okay. No matter what you give me, I'll be very happy.”

'He would treasure all of these gifts from long and arduous journeys.'

“Why?” Song Yu suddenly wanted to ask, and the question slipped out.

This time, Yue Zhishi was very honest. “Because if I know you'll bring me a gift when you come back, it's easier for me to accept you leaving.”

Upon hearing this, Song Yu suddenly understood.

So Yue Zhishi had heard what Qin Yan said at the dinner table—that joking suggestion for him to learn rock climbing in case of an accident. He had just pretended not to hear, pretended to be focused on his food, not wanting to make them feel awkward because of him.

He also suddenly realized that, in fact, Yue Zhishi often wasn't as slow or as easy to fool as he thought.

He was no longer that child who didn't understand anything.

“Brother,” his voice grew quiet, “you can go to very faraway places, or very dangerous places, if you really want to.”

Yue Zhishi's hand was clenched tightly. He didn't actually have to have a souvenir; he wasn't that childish. Even if a recipient who could make the rock more meaningful were to appear, it wouldn't matter.

“But don't you forget that I'm still waiting for your gift.”

Yue Zhishi just wanted a promise from Song Yu, a habit. Something to make him always remember to protect himself, that someone was waiting for him.

He looked at Song Yu. The lakeside wind blew his bangs aside, revealing his beautiful eyes and brows. He opened his mouth to speak, his tone uncharacteristically calm.

“I was too young back then. I didn't have the ability to make them stay. When they left and never came back, I could only be forced to accept it. But I'm grown up now. I don't want to accept something like that again.”

“Don't leave me. Don't leave me alone,” Yue Zhishi said.