Bedtime Logic

Song Yu accepted Yue Zhishi's friend request and promised Yue Zhishi that they would play together after the Gaokao, forming a team.

He only started playing games in his first year of university.

At first, Song Yu thought he could adapt well to life away from home, believing that the heavy coursework would be enough to fill his days. But it turned out not to be the case. Even if he was really tired during the day, when he lay in bed at night and closed his eyes, he still found it hard to fall asleep.

Later, his roommate dragged him into playing games with him, and he found that it could temporarily distract him, so he played for a while. Song Yu was very good at sniping, his controls were steady, and he ranked up quickly. But after playing for a short time, the distracting effect clearly diminished, and he didn't really want to play anymore.

Yue Zhishi lowered his head, happily staring at their friend interface, and then asked Song Yu if he could take him on as an apprentice. But Song Yu quickly refused.

“Why?” Yue Zhishi thought the master-apprentice relationship in the game was very interesting. Many people had this kind of mentoring setup, and his classmates had been trying to tempt him into becoming their apprentice, but Yue Zhishi had never wavered. He only wanted to play games with Song Yu, ever since he found out Song Yu also played this game.

“Isn't our relationship complicated enough?” Song Yu said, looking at a research paper.

That's true.

Yue Zhishi felt that calling him 'brother' was more natural anyway.

After finishing their conversation about the game, the two tacitly sat in a row and began to study. Yue Zhishi felt that Song Yu had a magical power that could put him at ease. By his side, as long as it wasn't thundering, he could focus on memorizing his texts, and his memory even improved quite a bit.

They were both the type of people who would lose track of time when they studied. After Yue Zhishi finished memorizing his texts, he went over his collection of wrong answers for the liberal arts multiple-choice questions. When he looked up, it was already seven-thirty.

“No wonder I'm a little hungry.” Yue Zhishi leaned back in his chair. “It’s past dinnertime.”

Song Yu just remembered it too. His meal times were never very regular, so he had forgotten about it. Picking up his phone, he asked Yue Zhishi, “What do you want to eat? Let's order takeout. The rain outside hasn't stopped, and the ground floor might be flooded already.”

“Can delivery even get in?” Yue Zhishi was skeptical. “I want to eat luosifen.”

Song Yu questioned his request, but Yue Zhishi really wanted to eat it. “Luosifen is perfect for rainy days, and hot pot too. Eating something soupy like that is especially comforting.”

“Nonsense.” Although he said that, Song Yu still sent his roommate Chen Fangyuan a WeChat message, asking if he had any luosifen.

[Chen Fangyuan: I finished it. But I have hot and sour noodles, they're delicious, and also instant noodles. They're all under my desk, just help yourself! And ham sausages!]

“Hot and sour noodles are fine too,” Yue Zhishi said, seeing the chat box on the computer screen. “Instant noodles should be pretty good too.”

The words 'should be' made Song Yu feel that he was pitiful, so he patted his head.

As he wished, Yue Zhishi had a very unhealthy meal—hot and sour noodles soaked until very soft, potato chips, spicy konjac snacks, and a large stack of seaweed snacks. He was already very full, but Song Yu still forced him to eat an apple. Yue Zhishi was so stuffed he didn't want to move at all, and he lay with his head on the desk for a good while.

Feeling his stomach working hard to digest the food, Yue Zhishi's big eyes darted around. The flowers he bought at noon had already wilted a little but were still very fragrant. There were many sticky notes on the wall, covered in specialized notes that Yue Zhishi couldn't understand, as well as what looked like celestial charts and geological maps. On the desk, neatly arranged in a book stand, were specialized textbooks and reference books, along with printed-out papers.

The globe he had made wasn't there. This made Yue Zhishi a little disappointed, but the feeling quickly passed. He thought, 'A handmade globe isn't accurate enough; displaying it might make him seem unprofessional.'

It wasn't like a watch that could be worn on his wrist every day.

His eyes continued to roam, and Yue Zhishi saw a palm-sized bottle next to the thermos. The packaging was entirely in English. It said something-something gummies, but he didn't recognize the first word.

Just then, Song Yu came out of the shower. Yue Zhishi turned around, picked up the bottle, and shook it at him. “Is this edible?”

“No.” Song Yu walked over, took the bottle from his hand, and put it back in its place. “Melatonin. It's a hormone.”

Yue Zhishi automatically categorized it as a health supplement. “Can I eat it?”

“No, you can't.” Song Yu urged him to take a shower, and Yue Zhishi had no choice but to get moving.

Every time he was urged, Yue Zhishi had the illusion that he and Song Yu were roommates. This feeling greatly stimulated his sense of pleasure, as if they weren't brothers three years apart, but peers. They would study together, go to school together, and could even wake up and go to sleep together every day.

He wouldn't have to wait at home every day, asking Lin Rong every other week if Song Yu was coming home.

After they had both finished their showers one after another, they received a video call from Lin Rong. The family of four, separated in two places, chatted for a long time through the screen. It seemed to be raining heavily in Shanghai as well. Song Jin's work was temporarily canceled, so the two of them could only stay in their hotel and look at the river view. Song Jin joked that it was a 'honeymoon rain' arranged by the heavens, and was promptly pushed out of the frame by Lin Rong.

Yue Zhishi also thought the rain was quite a coincidence. Otherwise, he might have already returned home by now—one person, one cat, and one dog, utterly desolate.

He glanced at Song Yu and felt that he was even more desolate; after all, he didn't even have a cat or a dog.

After the call ended, Song Yu began to urge him to sleep again.

“Didn't you always say you don't get enough sleep? You can use today to catch up.”

Their dorm was a typical four-person room with loft beds over desks. Song Yu told Yue Zhishi to go up and sleep in his bed, since his bedding was the same brand as the one at home, so it probably wouldn't cause any allergies.

Yue Zhishi obediently lay down, and Song Yu took his phone away. The air conditioner was on. He slipped under the covers and was instantly enveloped by the familiar scent of Song Yu, which even gave him the illusion of sinking into something so soft that he could fall into it endlessly. For a moment, he wished he could stay buried in it forever, where no one but Song Yu could find him.

The Gaokao was grueling, and studying was tiring. He wanted to hide away for a bit in Song Yu's blanket.

“I'm turning off the lights,” Song Yu said, and the dorm room light went out. The darkness was like a much larger blanket that pounced down and covered him in an instant. Yue Zhishi consciously scooted further in, leaving space for Song Yu.

But he waited for a long time, and Song Yu didn't come up. He waited patiently for a while longer, and when it felt like a long time had passed, he couldn't help but peer over the bed's railing to look down, only to see Song Yu sitting quietly below, reading a book.

“Aren't you going to sleep?” Yue Zhishi asked. “It's already ten o'clock.”

“I'm not sleepy,” Song Yu said. “You go ahead and sleep.” Then he added, “I already talked to my roommate. I'll sleep in his bed.”

Yue Zhishi was incredibly disappointed. He pressed himself tightly against the wall, and the space he had left for Song Yu instantly lost its meaning.

He didn't respond.

They were both silent for a while. In the end, as if compromising, Yue Zhishi turned over to face the wall, pretending to be asleep. But he heard the sound of Song Yu turning off his desk lamp, and he heard him climbing into the other bed.

He comforted himself in his heart, 'This bed really is too small. Maybe Song Yu just chose the more tolerable option between his germophobia and the cramped space.'

The dark space was especially silent. As Yue Zhishi tried to convince himself, he eventually drifted into a drowsy sleep. But just as he was half-asleep, a flash of white light came from outside the window, illuminating the entire space for a moment. A short while later, a loud clap of thunder struck, jolting Yue Zhishi awake.

He woke up with a big stir. Song Yu immediately sat up, thinking he had fallen off. “Yue Zhishi?”

“Nn...” Yue Zhishi's voice was weak, as if he were sick and breaking out in a cold sweat. But he hadn't fallen. He had just pulled the blanket over his head, his voice muffled and indistinct. “I'm fine...”

He had always thought that being afraid of thunder at eighteen was very embarrassing if anyone found out, and that he should train himself out of it. Plus, he had just fallen asleep. Even though he had been scared into a cold sweat, Yue Zhishi wanted to try to fall asleep again.

But the thunder wasn't something that would stop just because you wanted it to. The most terrifying part was being able to sense its frequency, knowing that another clap would come soon, leaving you anxious and unable to relax.

After three more claps of thunder, Yue Zhishi still wanted to ask Song Yu to stay with him. He stuck one hand out from under the blanket, intending to grab the railing to sit up.

But unexpectedly, the hand he stuck out was held.

Yue Zhishi confusedly lifted a corner of the blanket, peeking down with his eyes, and saw Song Yu already standing below the bed.

“Are you okay?” Song Yu gently squeezed his fingertips. “Your hand is very cold.”

Yue Zhishi shook his head, but when another clap of thunder struck, his hand couldn't help but shrink back. Since he was already being such a wimp, and Song Yu was already used to seeing him scared to tears, Yue Zhishi felt there was no need to act tough.

“I can't really sleep,” he said, not mentioning that he was scared. “Can you come up and stay with me for a bit?”

In the darkness, he thought he heard Song Yu let out a soft sigh. Or maybe he heard wrong. In any case, Song Yu eventually came up. Yue Zhishi felt like he had come back to life. He desperately shrank toward the wall, hoping that when Song Yu lay down, he would get the illusion that 'he doesn't actually take up much space'.

But as it turned out, the bed was still too small for two guys, especially since Song Yu was a tall guy at 1.86 meters.

“Am I crowding you?” Yue Zhishi asked, his tone a little embarrassed. He didn't dare to get close to Song Yu, afraid he would feel cramped.

Song Yu said no, and then added, “You're very thin.”

Only then did Yue Zhishi relax. He reached out and pulled Song Yu into the blankets. The space was very small; they couldn't really lie flat on their backs, so they could only sleep on their sides. Song Yu turned on his side with his back to him, without a word. Yue Zhishi also turned in the same direction, his back against the wall, facing Song Yu's broad back. The space he had cleared was now completely filled, and the body heat radiating from the person behind him seemed to emit some kind of healing substance, invisible and intangible, but it made Yue Zhishi feel at ease.

They were like the last two croissants in a sealed bag. Without Song Yu, Yue Zhishi would feel precarious.

The older he got, the more he knew that this kind of anxiety wasn't quite right, that it was incorrect. He had been taught to be an independent person, and he had tried.

But if Song Yu was right beside him, he still couldn't help but get closer, which was the only way to slightly alleviate this unbearable anxiety.

The sounds of rain and thunder mixed together, both familiar elements of Yue Zhishi's memories. It awoke his childhood memories of clinging to Song Yu while sleeping. He was like this back then too, but he was never allowed to hug him.

So, just like when he was little, Yue Zhishi pressed his forehead against Song Yu's back.

They hadn't been in such close contact for a long time. Yue Zhishi felt as if he could sense Song Yu's heartbeat, a dull thudding against muscle and bone, one beat after another. His emotions stabilized, but Yue Zhishi's thoughts were still drifting randomly. For no reason, he thought of the night after Song Yu finished his Gaokao, thought of the feeling of being held by Song Yu after he fell asleep.

That feeling seemed to be stored within his body, hidden, only to be accidentally triggered and replayed when he was this close to him, and then it would give rise to a certain kind of expectation.

These were all things he couldn't control.

Song Yu didn't move or speak, as if he had really just come to keep Yue Zhishi company. The moment he thought that Song Yu might disappear after he fell asleep, all of Yue Zhishi's sleepiness vanished.

The thunder clapped, one strike after another, and Yue Zhishi gradually shrank back into the blanket. Song Yu couldn't help but remind him, “Don't cover your head with the blanket, it's not good for your breathing.”

Only then did Yue Zhishi obediently move up, still resting his forehead on Song Yu.

“Are you going to fall off?” he asked Song Yu.

Song Yu quickly answered, “No.”

Yue Zhishi said again, “If you're sleepy, just go to sleep. Don't worry about me.”

Song Yu was silent for a moment, then said, “If I didn't worry about you, I wouldn't have come up.”

That made sense.

“Are you unable to sleep?” Song Yu said after a while, his tone sounding a bit awkward. “If you're scared, you can lean on me.”

“Mhm.” Yue Zhishi obediently leaned on him, his chin resting on the part of his shoulder. He found it very comfortable, so he let out a contented breath through his nose.

Then Song Yu tilted his head slightly, ducking forward a little.

Yue Zhishi actually really wanted to make himself fall asleep, but whenever he closed his eyes, the flash of lightning would illuminate the room. This instant would awaken many memories in him, such as the look on Song Yu's face when he wanted to send him to a hotel, and the image of their hands touching in the cafeteria.

And also the scene of him talking to that girl.

This seemed even more willful than asking Song Yu to sleep with him, but Yue Zhishi really didn't like him talking to other people.

The thunder never stopped, sparring with a nameless sense of loss and a fragile willpower—a tug-of-war in the heavy rain.

Just as Song Yu was staring blankly at the pattern on the bed curtain opposite his roommate's, he heard Yue Zhishi speak, very suddenly.

“Auntie Rong said that the reason you don't come home might be because you have a girlfriend.”

Song Yu's heart sank a little, and then he denied it. “I don't. I'm just a bit busy.”

He then heard Yue Zhishi say, “The reason I turned and ran away today was also because I thought of that sentence. I thought you were in a relationship and didn't want to bother you.” He added, “My appearing at that moment would have been a bit superfluous.”

Song Yu was already very used to Yue Zhishi's directness. He just found it a little funny that he had merely exchanged a few words, nodding at most, and it could be interpreted like this.

“You think me standing twenty centimeters away from her while talking means we're in a relationship?”

“Then what do you think being in a relationship should be like?”

Song Yu fell silent. After a good while, he repeated his previous statement, “Anyway, I'm not in a relationship.”

Yue Zhishi said a soft 'alright', but he couldn't help but add: “The boys and girls in my class who are in relationships have endless things to talk about every day. They chat online, and when they meet, they talk and laugh too.”

Song Yu felt that Yue Zhishi still didn't believe him, but being misunderstood as being in a relationship just for chatting was too absurd. “If you had seen me hugging another person and then thought I was in a relationship, that would have been at least a little more logical.”

Yue Zhishi mumbled, 'Is that so.'

Song Yu was about to say 'yes', when he heard Yue Zhishi say, “That logic isn't reliable either. You've hugged me.”

Hearing this, Song Yu almost laughed. He felt that Yue Zhishi's competitive spirit was strange sometimes. “Using something from childhood as an example is just sophistry.”

“It wasn't when we were children.” Yue Zhishi quickly retorted. He seemed to feel that saying this with his back turned lacked impact, so he pulled Song Yu over, making him lie face-to-face with him.

In the darkness, Song Yu could see his eyes. A faint glimmer of light from outside the window shone in, making his eyes bright. That stubborn face was also exceptionally good-looking.

“The day after your Gaokao, when I went to your room to watch a documentary and fell asleep, the day you gave me the tag, in the middle of the night, you rolled over and hugged me.”

Purely for demonstration, Yue Zhishi pulled Song Yu's arm open, burrowed into his embrace, and buried his head in his chest.

“Just like this.”