Fear.

The emotion that Yan Hang had always been unwilling to face.

Very afraid.

Every time he was left alone in the house, every time he left an unfamiliar city that he hadn't gotten used to yet, every time he looked forward and saw nothing, and looking back was also a blank slate.

All his emotions rose and fell due to his father's appearance and disappearance.

Except for the present, his father had never mentioned a single word about the future or the past, and he could only try hard to tell himself that he didn't need anything.

They were just a pair of father and son who walked flamboyantly in this world, wandering around, living arrogantly and willfully, not affected by even a bit of worldly influence.

Freedom.

That's what Chu Yi envied.

Actually, what Chu Yi envied was just in his imagination.

No origin, no destination, such freedom, would anyone really envy it?

Yan Hang went into the kitchen and made another meal, adding curry. Dad liked curry. After sprinkling cheese, he put it in the oven together.

After adjusting the temperature and time, he stood in front of the oven in a daze.

No matter what, as long as Dad was here, he would still feel at ease, even if this sense of security was like the cheese on the surface of the casserole.

"Do you still remember things from when you were little?" Dad leaned against the kitchen doorway.

"I don't seem to remember much from before elementary school." Yan Hang said. Dad suddenly bringing up this topic made him feel a little panicked. He didn't have many memories of his childhood, and seemed to have a natural resistance to it.

"When I first took you out, you couldn't even cook the noodles through. The two of us, you cooked a big pot, the water was all dried up, and the noodles were still raw." Dad smiled.

"Ah," Yan Hang thought about it and also laughed, turning his head to look at his dad, "You didn't teach me either."

"I didn't know how myself, how could I teach you? You really became self-taught when it comes to cooking, without even a mentor," Dad said as he lit a cigarette, "Want one?"

"What are you smoking while cooking?" Yan Hang said.

"So particular." Dad said with a smile.

Afterwards, there was another long silence. When the oven made a ding sound, Yan Hang looked back. Dad was still leaning against the kitchen doorway, but when he turned around, Dad actually didn't notice, staring out the window in a daze.

"It's ready." Yan Hang said.

"Smells good." Dad sniffed and turned to sit on the sofa in the living room.

Yan Hang brought the casserole out and placed it on the coffee table, sitting down beside him.

The TV was playing local news. The two of them each held a bowl, sitting on the sofa eating while watching TV. This was a fixed scene in Yan Hang's memory for many years.

Usually they didn't talk. After finishing the meal and savoring it for a while, sometimes Yan Hang would go wash the bowls after savoring, sometimes he would throw them until the next day. In the evening, Dad watched TV while he curled up beside him playing with his phone or reading a book. He would also let Dad say a few casual words, and he would translate them into English.

Today was the same, except that he curled up on the sofa holding a book for a long time but couldn't even finish two pages.

Dad had moved the books under the coffee table. The envelope he had tucked in the book must have been taken by Dad. It was like this every time. No matter where he hid the letter, Dad could always find it and take it away.

Of course, there were only so few places he could hide things. In an unfamiliar house, there were no corners he trusted, and things could only be hidden in his personal belongings.

Before, every time Dad took the letter away, life would return to normal.

But this time today was a bit different, still that indescribable feeling.

Yan Hang was a very sensitive person, able to perceive many details and emotions. Dad had even praised him: "The insight of our crown prince is incomparable to ordinary people!"

He actually wished he was an obtuse person, unable to feel anything, and thus wouldn't be afraid of anything.

Actually, he had speculated about Dad before, when he was younger, he had naively exhausted his imagination to arrange many cool professions for Dad.

Special police, special agent, undercover, assassin, ghost-catching Taoist priest...

Later, he stopped thinking about these things.

He had to face and ignore reality. Dad couldn't possibly have any profession, and the way he got money might not be respectable.

As for the reason, he could only wait.

Keep waiting, until now.

His unease reached its peak today.

Fear.

It was an emotion he had never been willing to show lightly, not even to Dad.

He was Yan Hang, the arrogant and unrestrained crown prince who had never been afraid of anyone since he was a child.

"Do you still remember your maternal grandparents?" Dad suddenly asked.

"Huh?" Yan Hang didn't react. Grandma and Grandpa, like Mom, had almost no impression, only vaguely appearing in some very unpleasant dreams.

Other than that, he never thought of them at all.

Even when he heard Dad mention Grandma, his first reaction was Chu Yi's family's white-faced old lady with caterpillar eyebrows.

"Grandma passed away last year, Grandpa was last month," Dad said, "Actually not that old."

Yan Hang looked at him, not knowing what to say.

He only knew that Dad was an orphan, he had no paternal grandparents. As for maternal grandparents, he had never even thought about it. Now suddenly mentioning it, he had no emotions and couldn't make any response.

"Have I never mentioned it to you," Dad turned his head, "I miss your mom very, very, very much."

Yan Hang was stunned.

When he said the three words "your mom", he saw tears in Dad's eyes.

This was the first time in his memory that he saw Dad's tears.

"Old Yan," he was a bit at a loss, "You..."

Dad smiled and looked at him: "You don't look like your mom at all, I can't even look at you and reminisce about her."

"Isn't it just that I accidentally look too much like you." Yan Hang said.

Actually, he had the same thoughts as Dad before. He had looked in the mirror, trying to see if he could find any trace of Mom besides the parts that looked like Dad, but was unsuccessful.

He looked very much like Dad. Sometimes he would think, maybe Dad personally gave birth to him.

"I probably won't go out these days," Dad lit a cigarette and moved his gaze back to the TV, "I hope you won't repeat dishes when you cook every day, or else I'll break up with you."

"Okay." Yan Hang smiled.

Around ten o'clock, Dad suddenly turned his head to look at the door, and then there was a knock on the door.

"It's Chu Yi," Yan Hang said softly, "He came to ask me to go running."

"Running doesn't make you taller," Dad said, "Tell him not to bother, he should jump instead, like high jump or something."

"Then you tell him." Yan Hang stood up and opened the door.

Chu Yi was wearing a size too small tracksuit and those NB shoes, standing outside the door. According to the image Yan Hang designed for him, he pulled up his pant legs and rolled up his sleeves.

Seeing Dad, he smiled and said, "Uncle, hello."

"Going for a run?" Dad asked.

"Yeah." Chu Yi nodded.

"Running is good, running can make you taller," Dad pointed at Yan Hang, "When he was your age, he was only 1.4 meters tall..."

"What happened to the trust between father and son?" Yan Hang turned his head in shock to look at his dad.

"It was from running every day, later whoosh whoosh whoosh," Dad gestured, "and he stretched out, amazing right?"

"Quite a-amazing." Chu Yi started laughing.

"Let's go go go," Yan Hang changed his shoes. As he went out the door, he turned his head back, "Are you going to have a late-night snack? There are a lot of barbecue stalls where we run."

"Chicken wings, sausages, beef tripe, duck necks..." Dad quickly listed a string of items.

Yan Hang ignored him and closed the door. He continued shouting from inside, "See if they have salt and pepper duck tongues - remember to bring beer -"

"One point four meters tall." Chu Yi looked at him and sighed.

"Are you looking for a beating?" Yan Hang said.

"I really am taller." Chu Yi said.

"I can't see it, let's ignore this growth rate that's invisible to the naked eye for now." Yan Hang looked at the top of his head. Chu Yi's hair was a bit long, and when the wind blew, there were two tufts of hair on the top of his head that looked like they wanted to dance, probably because he didn't have money for a haircut.

"I measured, compared to last year I'm five centimeters taller." Chu Yi jumped.

"Congratulations," Yan Hang sincerely congratulated him, "Then how short were you before?"

"Probably not much different from you back then." Chu Yi said.

"Do you believe I'll join Li Zihao's team tomorrow?" Yan Hang looked at him.

"No, I don't believe it," Chu Yi shook his head, "Li Zihao's English isn't good enough, you won't be able to communicate."

"Damn," Yan Hang laughed, "Are you good at English?"

"I don't have any subjects that I pass." Chu Yi answered very honestly.

"...Then there's no hope for regular high school?" Yan Hang thought for a bit, "Vocational school? Technical school?"

"I want to work." Chu Yi said softly.

Yan Hang glanced at him without saying anything.

For a kid like Chu Yi, school probably doesn't have much appeal. Maybe being able to work and escape that environment is his most urgent need.

"My mom will definitely be angry." Chu Yi said.

"Your family is quite funny, they don't care about anything," Yan Hang said, "but have so many demands, were you picked up? Or adopted?"

"No," Chu Yi smiled, "I was an accident, my mom didn't want me, she originally wanted to study through self-study exams, but didn't succeed."

"...Oh." Yan Hang was stunned for a moment, and reached out to ruffle his hair.

There were quite a lot of people at the running spot today, all well-equipped runners wearing headphones. Yan Hang felt quite comfortable looking at them, with a sense of reality.

As usual, Chu Yi ran and ran and then stayed on the side. Yan Hang went over and pulled him back to the middle of the track.

"Want a drink?" Chu Yi asked when they took a break after running for an hour.

"Running every day and drinking every day," Yan Hang said, "Do you have a lot of pocket money?"

"You treat me," Chu Yi said, "I'll just drink plain water starting tomorrow."

Yan Hang laughed for a while, "What do you want to drink?"

"Lemon tea." Chu Yi replied.

Yan Hang bought him lemon tea and got himself a can of Coke. As they sat by the river drinking, a big gust of wind blew over, and Chu Yi grabbed at his hair that was blown up in a mess.

Yan Hang looked at his bangs that looked like they had been gnawed by a dog, and couldn't help reaching out to smooth them down for him, only to find that they still looked gnawed and unchanged.

He hadn't noticed before that Chu Yi's hair was in this state.

He thought for a bit and asked, "Do you often get into trouble and get your money taken?"

"When wandering the rivers and lakes," Chu Yi took a sip of lemon tea, "How can one avoid being robbed?"

"Is it that your pocket money was taken so you don't have money for a haircut?" Yan Hang asked.

"I've always cut it myself." Chu Yi answered very calmly.

Yan Hang actually heard a hint of pride in his tone, "Ah, do you think your skill is quite good?"

"This is layering." Chu Yi pinched his bangs and tugged at them.

"Yeah," Yan Hang looked at him, "Quite layered indeed."

Chu Yi smiled, and after a while asked a bit embarrassedly, "Does it look bad?"

"I wouldn't say it looks bad, luckily your face is decent." Yan Hang said.

"Anyway, usually no one looks at me." Chu Yi took a sip of lemon tea.

"I look at you, running every day, I have to look at you every day," Yan Hang sighed, "I happen to want to get a haircut tomorrow, let's go together."

Chu Yi didn't say anything.

"I have a card," Yan Hang said again, "You can use my card."

"No, no need," Chu Yi was silent for a while before speaking, "I can't help you with anything."

"How about this then," Yan Hang realized that this kind of behavior that he didn't think much of would probably put pressure on Chu Yi. He took out his phone and tapped open the calendar, "I'm starting work tomorrow, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I get off work late, you can help me run errands and buy groceries."

Chu Yi glanced at him.

Yan Hang felt that he really had no experience in getting along with "friends".

Stiff and awkward.

So he also shut his mouth.

"Then when you need to buy groceries," Chu Yi said, "Tell me in advance."

"Okay," Yan Hang nodded, thought for a bit and covered his eyes sighing, "Damn, so awkward."

Chu Yi started laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" Yan Hang said.

"Yan Hang, you're really good." Chu Yi said.

"This I do know." Yan Hang said.

Chu Yi laughed again.

On the way back, Yan Hang went to the barbecue shop next door and looked around. They didn't have everything Dad wanted, but he still bought a lot. When they were almost home, he went to the supermarket and bought two cases of beer.

"Want to come to my place for barbecue?" Yan Hang looked at Chu Yi, "I'll process these foods a bit more later."

"Okay." Chu Yi didn't hesitate at all.

"Straightforward," Yan Hang patted his shoulder, "I like people like you."

"I want to, to stay with you." Chu Yi said.

"Really," Yan Hang laughed, "I have to tell my dad, that magic trick can't charm girls, it can only charm little boys."

"Can you teach, teach me?" Chu Yi asked.

"Who do you want to charm?" Yan Hang looked at him.

"No one," Chu Yi raised his hand and wiggled his fingers, "Just think it's very, very cool."

"I'll teach you later, it's very simple, just need to practice." Yan Hang said.

"Okay." Chu Yi nodded happily, walking the whole way while raising his hand and moving his fingers back and forth.

When they got home, Dad had already cleaned up the coffee table, with the induction cooker and pan set up, which was their habit.

He and Dad both loved barbecue, but generally didn't eat out, always packing it up to bring home and heating it up themselves while eating.

"Come, Chu Yi sit here," Dad got a stool for Chu Yi, "Can you drink some beer?"

"Sip, sip a little." Chu Yi said.

"Then you should at least sip two or three cans." Dad said.

"Don't teach the kid bad habits," Yan Hang took out three plates and sat down, turning on the induction cooker and putting a small piece of butter in, "Adding butter makes it especially fragrant."

Chu Yi leaned over to the edge of the pan and sniffed: "Fragrant."

This scene of sitting around the table at home, without pressure, without complaints and dissatisfaction in his ears, eating barbecue and drinking slowly, Chu Yi really liked it.

There were similar scenes at Grandpa's house, but Grandpa's house was too far away, he could only go for a few days at most during summer vacation, and had to endure Grandma's cursing about him being an ungrateful wretch for a whole month before and after.

Yan Hang's dad was a bit childlike, when facing him, Chu Yi didn't have the pressure of facing elders and felt very relaxed.

He could listen to Yan Hang chatting casually with him without saying a word.

It was very interesting.

Very happy and warm.

"How are your mom's cooking skills?" Yan Hang's dad asked him.

"Can cook a pot, of stew." Chu Yi said.

Yan Hang's dad laughed: "Little Stutterer is so witty."

"I thought it was your grandma who cooked at your house," Yan Hang said, "Didn't you say your mom is quite busy?"

"Grandma is also, busy." Chu Yi sighed.

Busy quarreling, busy complaining, busy taking advantage.

"If you have cravings, just come to our place," Yan Hang's dad took a sip of beer, "We have good food and drink, no rules."

"Okay." Chu Yi nodded with a smile.

This late-night meal was very satisfying, Chu Yi didn't even know he could eat so much, and didn't know Yan Hang and his dad could also eat so much. The beer was finished, and the barbecue was almost all eaten.

"There are two chicken wings and one sausage left, finish them up." Yan Hang's dad picked up the bag and poured it into the pan.

The bag had two layers, and the two coins Yan Hang had thrown into the outer layer fell out.

"Oh, lucky coins." Yan Hang's dad picked up the coins and lined them up on the coffee table.

"I have one," Chu Yi smiled, "Yan Hang gave, me one."

"Really," Yan Hang's dad laughed, "Let me tell you, this is very effective."

"Yeah," Chu Yi nodded, "Yesterday almost, let my mom spend, it, nearly scared me to death."

Yan Hang glanced at him: "If it's spent then it's spent, just find another one."

"No, not the same," Chu Yi said, "That one is... just not, the same."

"Then you have to keep it well," Yan Hang was amused, "They all look the same, if mixed together you won't be able to find it."

Being told this by him, Chu Yi suddenly felt a bit nervous and touched his pocket.

"Give it to me," Yan Hang probably saw his nervousness and reached out to him, "I'll process it a bit for you."

"How to process?" Chu Yi took out the coin and placed it in his hand.

"Wait," Yan Hang stood up, "Old Yan, where's that little piece of leather you picked up?"

"It's on the table in the room." Yan Hang's dad said.

Yan Hang went into the room and didn't come out for quite a while.

Chu Yi and Yan Hang's dad finished the barbecue, and chatted about this and that for a long time before Yan Hang came out and put the coin on the coffee table in front of him: "This way it won't get lost."

Chu Yi took one look and was stunned.

The coin was wearing a little leather jacket.

Two thin dark brown leather straps crisscrossed around the coin, with a small round piece of leather glued to the back, and a thin leather string threaded through the top, which could be worn around the neck like a necklace.

"Nice," Chu Yi was a bit surprised and looked at Yan Hang, "You made, this?"

"It's very easy to make, just cut the leather and glue it," Yan Hang said with a smile, "If you don't dare to wear it around your neck, wrap it around your wrist, if you don't dare either then hide it, anyway it won't get mixed up with other coins."

Chu Yi held the coin in his hand the whole time, only putting it in his pocket when he got up to go home.

Yan Hang didn't expect someone to care so much about a coin.

"Brother Xiao Tian, send him off," Dad leaned on the sofa and directed, "That section of road inside seems to have no lights."

"It's okay," Chu Yi was a bit embarrassed, "I'm a, a guy."

"Let's go, I'll take a stroll." Yan Hang said.

Dad knew that Chu Yi was often bullied, now that the weather was warm, at this time, the nightlife of little hooligans and punks had just begun, he was probably afraid that Chu Yi would encounter trouble on his way home after enjoying himself all evening.

After accompanying Chu Yi past that section of road without street lights, Chu Yi pointed to a patch of old buildings in front and said, "My home, is right there."

"Okay." Yan Hang looked, not knowing which building he was pointing to, but he knew Chu Yi probably didn't want people to get close to his home, so he stopped.

"Thank you." Chu Yi said.

"You talk too much nonsense, go back." Yan Hang said.

"If one day," Chu Yi looked at him, "You leave, I will, miss you very much."

Yan Hang smiled.

Chu Yi also smiled, came over to grab his hand, gently squeezed it, turned around and walked away quickly.