On the first day of school, he was a bit nervous when he left home in the morning. He knew that generally speaking, hoodlums like Liang Bing wouldn't get up this early, but if he hadn't slept at all, then it was hard to say.

When he walked out of the building, he looked left and right.

His mom also left for work today, following behind him: "Why aren't you going? What are you dawdling here for!"

"Mm." Chu Yi responded.

His mom didn't pay him any more attention and rode off on her bicycle.

Chu Yi quickly walked out, not taking his usual route, but making a small detour to reach the main street from another intersection before heading towards school.

His mom paid no attention to his behavior, perhaps not even noticing.

But it had been many years since he told his family about constantly being bullied. How long had it been... probably since kindergarten?

After Grandma fought the principal at the kindergarten bare-chested, even if he was hit by other kids, he wouldn't make a peep.

But Grandma would still find out somehow, and even if she didn't, someone would run and tell her, just to provoke her into making a scene for their amusement.

Then when he got home, Grandma would scold him, Grandpa would pretend not to hear, Mom would mock him, and Dad... if Dad was home, he would buy him some food or things to comfort him.

Chu Yi knew from a young age that it was unlikely to get help or a sense of security from home. He had to face and resolve all these things on his own.

When resistance was futile and friendly communication failed, the only solution he could think of was silence and endurance, trying to make himself inconspicuous. For example, he was still wearing his old school uniform today.

Someone who wore old uniforms year-round would definitely stir up some trouble if he suddenly wore an ill-fitting new tracksuit.

Fortunately, he had gotten used to this invisible state after a long time.

The first time he saw the masked Yan Hang brazenly live-streaming while taking down Li Zihao and the others, his shock was indescribable.

He probably would never have Yan Hang's aura in this lifetime.

Fully confident swagger.

He didn't need Yan Hang's protection, but still wanted to get close to him. Beneath Yan Hang's brash exterior was a calm and easygoing person.

It had been a long time since anyone had spoken to him like that, very ordinary, extremely ordinary and mundane interactions.

Moreover, Yan Hang was different from his classmates. He had a unique quality that Chu Yi had never seen before.

Something that neither good students nor bad students had.

It was a pity.

If only he hadn't gotten close to Yan Hang in the first place, then he wouldn't have to worry about the fact that Yan Hang would leave someday.

Gaining something and then losing it - no, gaining something while knowing you will lose it but not knowing when, is more disappointing than never having it at all.

"Chu Yi!" Someone called out behind him.

Chu Yi kept his head down and didn't react. He didn't need to look to know it was Li Zihao from the voice.

It was a busy street with many people going to work and school. Li Zihao wouldn't do anything to him, at most mock him a few times, so he just needed to stay silent.

He didn't even need to run.

"Deaf?" Li Zihao slid up next to him on his bicycle. "Didn't have your boss escort you to school?"

Chu Yi kept walking forward.

"Does your boss think hitting me once means it's over?" Li Zihao said.

Hit?

Yan Hang hit Li Zihao?

Chu Yi was a bit surprised.

"If it weren't for my dad stopping me," Li Zihao said, "you think he could have had it so easy these past two days?"

Chu Yi couldn't help glancing at Li Zihao.

"He's just a waiter in my dad's shop, what's he so cocky about!" Li Zihao sneered viciously. "Now he's been fired, who knows which restaurant he's gone to wash dishes at!"

Li Zihao's dad ran a coffee shop on this street. Most of their schoolmates knew about it. But Chu Yi didn't expect that the place Yan Hang worked at would be Li Zihao's family's shop.

And he hit Li Zihao?

Then got fired?

"Did you hear me!" Li Zihao reached out and smacked Chu Yi on the head.

Chu Yi abruptly stopped walking.

"What?" Li Zihao looked at him in shock. "Oho, you want to fight me?"

Chu Yi didn't make a sound. After a pause, he continued walking forward.

Li Zihao was alone, unlike usual when he had a few people with him, so his aura wasn't as strong. When Chu Yi didn't respond, he lost interest and rode off on his own.

After watching Li Zihao disappear, only then did Chu Yi stop walking again. He bent over, hands on knees, taking a few deep breaths.

Li Zihao was surprised, and he himself was surprised too.

It had been a long time since he felt this way, wanting to grab something and smash it on Li Zihao's head.

For so many years, he had long gotten used to and accepted this kind of life. He had also found a way to at least protect himself at this stage.

No matter what kind of humiliation or harm he faced, he could remain calm.

This was a part of his life. If he couldn't keep himself calm, then there would be no way to carry on living.

But today, his emotions suddenly fluctuated so much that it startled even himself.

Yan Hang didn't sleep all night. Only after dawn did he doze off for a bit, but it didn't last long, no more than an hour.

His whole body ached from lying down. He had no choice but to get out of bed.

The peak commute time for work and school had passed. Standing at the window and looking out, there were very few people on the street now.

The sunshine was nice though, and there was a hint of warmth in the air.

After washing up, he felt a bit more clear-headed. Yan Hang changed clothes and went out.

He made a round, buying toast, eggs, black pepper and ketchup.

After returning home, he made himself an exquisite egg toast, poured a glass of milk, and sat on the windowsill to eat it slowly and methodically.

When bored or in a bad mood, doing something meticulously could relieve quite a bit.

That's what Dad said.

Usually this trick worked passably well, but today... it was just so-so.

After eating the egg toast, he still felt very down.

After all, it was different from the usual state he was accustomed to.

That letter hidden under the coffee table was like a jar covering his head.

After finishing breakfast, he went out again, planning to wander around nearby and see if there were any suitable places to work part-time.

That commercial street with the coffee shop was still quite bustling. The other day, Chu Yi couldn't go to the other side of the bridge to stroll around because he was treasure hunting in the river.

Today, he wandered over and found it to be quite nice.

Fashionable.

Yan Hang had a clear target when looking for a part-time job - something related to Western cuisine. He had always wanted to do Western food. Although he didn't have the means now, he would try his best to keep himself in this kind of environment. What he saw, heard, and came into contact with were all related to what he wanted to do. He could learn quite a lot.

Next to the commercial plaza was a very trendy street with all kinds of Chinese and Western restaurants. Yan Hang turned in and strolled slowly.

After walking halfway down the street, he saw a Western restaurant hiring servers.

He went in.

This afternoon after school, it was the first time Chu Yi went home alone.

Li Zihao didn't trouble him. The others who usually accompanied him home either received information from Li Zihao or just followed him from a distance without approaching.

Chu Yi even felt a bit unaccustomed.

When passing by Yan Hang's home, he hesitated for a moment before crossing the street.

The curtains were drawn at Yan Hang's place. He went over and gently knocked on the door, but no one responded inside.

Chu Yi persisted and knocked twice more. After confirming no one was home, he turned around disappointedly and walked back with his head down.

After just a couple of steps, a leg stretched out in front of him, blocking his way.

He recognized the shoes at a glance - they were Yan Hang's.

Yan Hang was probably a fan of NB. All his shoes were NB.

"Toll fee," Yan Hang said, extending his hand in front of Chu Yi.

Chu Yi rummaged in his pocket, took out a one yuan bill, and placed it in Yan Hang's hand.

"Aren't you loaded?" Yan Hang said.

"This is pu-, public area," Chu Yi pointed at the ground beneath his feet. "If you want more, go ro-, rob a few more places."

Yan Hang laughed, "Have you eaten?"

"Eating at ho-, home," Chu Yi smiled. "Did you go sho-, shopping?"

"No," Yan Hang said. "Went to find a job."

"Did you fi-, find one?" Chu Yi immediately asked.

"Nonsense. I'm not looking for some awesome job. How could I not find a server position?" Yan Hang put a cigarette between his lips. "A Western restaurant over there. I'll take you to eat sometime."

Chu Yi nodded. After thinking for a bit, he asked very hesitantly in a low voice, "Did you be-, be-, beat up Li-, Zihao?"

"Hmm, I beat beat beat beat him, probably three or four times." Yan Hang counted on his fingers. After a while, he looked at Chu Yi, "Who's Li Zihao?"

"The one that da-, day..." Chu Yi pointed at the street across from them.

"So his name is Li Zihao," Yan Hang said. "Yeah I beat him. He was asking for it, coming to provoke me. I'd feel bad if I didn't give him a good thrashing."

"So you, lost your jo-, job." Chu Yi sighed.

"I lose my job several times a year," Yan Hang said. "You'll have to sigh at least eight more times."

Chu Yi looked at him.

"Besides, it's none of your business. What are you upset about?" Yan Hang said. "When I fight, I fight big. Whoever I don't like the look of, I beat them. There doesn't necessarily have to be a reason."

"I really en-, envy you." Chu Yi said.

"Envy what?" Yan Hang asked. "Fighting?"

"No, no-, not that," Chu Yi looked at him. "You're very, free."

Yan Hang also looked at him. For a long time, he didn't say anything. Finally, he smiled and patted Chu Yi lightly on the arm, "You don't understand shit. Go home and eat. If you're late again, you'll get an earful."

Chu Yi got home without being late. Mom was cooking in the kitchen, and it smelled quite fragrant.

He put down his schoolbag and went into the kitchen. Before Mom could say anything, he washed the bowl that had just been used to beat eggs.

"Go do your homework," Mom said. "I'm almost done here. If you had come back a bit later, I could have fed you the meal directly."

Chu Yi didn't make a sound. He tied up the already full garbage bag, found a plastic bag to put over the garbage can, and then walked out of the kitchen.

Grandma was too busy to pay attention to him today. She sat on the sofa making a phone call, "Go make a scene. Without making a fuss two or three times, who will take care of this for you... What few working days, don't believe them! They're just deceiving us common folk... I'm telling you, just go make a scene! Sit on the floor of their lobby! See if they ignore you then!"

Chu Yi went into his room and sat on his bed.

The sportswear from yesterday hadn't been washed yet. When he went to get it to wash, he found that the change from the pockets had been taken out and placed on the bedside table.

He froze. Without even judging if any money was missing, he reached over and rummaged through it. After confirming there were no 1 jiao coins in the pile of change, he suddenly jumped up.

The only people at home who would touch the money in his pockets were Mom and Grandma.

Grandma was on the phone... Even if she wasn't, he wouldn't have the courage to ask her. He could only go into the kitchen, "Mom."

"What?" Mom said impatiently.

"The mo-, money in my spo-, sportswear po-, po-, pocket..." Chu Yi asked in a low voice. "Was it, was it, was..."

"I took six yuan to buy soy sauce at the convenience store. Short six yuan," Mom said, turning her head towards the living room and raising her voice. "Your grandma doesn't even have six yuan in change! So I took yours."

Chu Yi didn't say anything. He turned and ran out of the kitchen. Without even changing shoes or telling Grandma where he was going, he rushed out the door.

He didn't mind at all if Mom took his pocket money. After all, the pocket money was given to him by Mom in the first place.

But the six yuan today was not okay. Six yuan - a five yuan bill, and one must be a 1 jiao coin.

This wasn't an ordinary 1 jiao coin. This was a lucky coin Yan Hang gave him!

Although Yan Hang said all 1 jiao coins were lucky coins, this 1 jiao coin wasn't an ordinary lucky coin. It was a spiritual lucky coin.

Chu Yi ran all the way to the convenience store without even catching his breath. He slapped the counter, "1 jiao coin!"

"Hey, what are you doing!" The boss was startled by him.

"My mom just bought, soy sauce!" Chu Yi rarely felt that his stutter was inconvenient. He just needed to say fewer words or speak slower. Only now did he experience how anxious stuttering could make someone. "Wasn't there, a 1 jiao coin!"

The boss rummaged through his change box, looking a bit puzzled, "There probably was. I just put away the money. There's only a bit over 20 yuan here, and just this one 1 jiao coin."

"Give it to me!" Chu Yi shouted. He took out a one yuan bill from his pocket. "Give you, this one."

"Why so anxious," the boss took out that 1 jiao coin and looked at it. "If people didn't know better, they'd think this was a gold coin of yours."

Chu Yi took the coin back from the boss's hand, lowered his head to take a careful look. Actually, there was no special marking on this coin. He could only feel fortunate that the boss only collected this one coin at the moment.

"Thank you," Chu Yi said, "Sor, sorry, to trouble."

"No worries, no worries," the boss said, "Why are you sweating so anxiously over this?"

It's a lucky coin! How could he not be anxious?

Chu Yi gripped this lucky coin tightly and returned home.

As soon as he entered the door, Grandma pointed at him and scolded him relentlessly. He didn't feel much anymore. Anyway, when Grandma scolded him, he usually didn't think too much.

Only after putting the coin into the pencil case did he feel at ease. He lay on the bed, not wanting to move at all.

The sky gradually darkened.

He slept for a while at noon. When he woke up, it was past three o'clock. Yan Hang just sat on the windowsill for a few hours, staring at the distant sky.

Sometimes, when you stare long enough, you can see the change in every frame as the sky goes from light to dark, and you can even see a slight stutter during the light-dark transition.

Perhaps only someone as bored and uneasy as him would make such meaningless observations.

After the evening rush hour, the people and vehicles coming and going on the street disappeared bit by bit into the night, and it became a bit empty in front of his eyes.

Surprisingly, he didn't see Chu Yi when school let out in the afternoon.

He jumped off the windowsill and sent Chu Yi a message.

-You didn't go home?

-I did, took another route.

-Oh, thought you got stuck again.

Yan Hang took a sip of water, pondering if he should make something to eat for dinner. Chu Yi's message came again.

-Are you going for a run tonight? I'll come find you.

-What time?

-Maybe 10 o'clock. I have to finish my homework before I can go out.

-No problem, even midnight is fine.

-Then wait for me.

-Okay.

Wait.

This word has a different meaning for Yan Hang.

He has always been waiting.

Waiting to set off, waiting to arrive, waiting for Dad to come back, waiting to face a new environment.

Waiting for the day he can stop.

Waiting for the day Dad can tell him why.

He didn't have lunch. Yan Hang felt a bit hungry now. Looks like he still needs to have dinner.

He looked at the ingredients in the fridge - cheese, butter, onions, potatoes, bacon, quite complete.

Let's make a bacon casserole.

He turned on the live broadcast on his phone, as was his old habit. He set up the phone, put on a mask, lowered his head and started cooking without saying a word.

A few old fans were still chatting enthusiastically on the screen.

-I'll lick those hands in respect first.

-Is the handsome guy not here today?

-First day without the handsome guy, miss him.

-Brother Xiao Tian seems in low spirits today.

-You can tell his mood even with such a big mask?

"The rice is leftover from yesterday," Yan Hang picked up the pot and put the butter in, "After the butter melts, just throw in whatever you want to eat..."

-Rough.

-Very jianghu style.

"Then stir stir stir mix mix mix..." Yan Hang poured the ingredients and rice into the pot.

-Thought you started stuttering too.

-Infected by the handsome guy? 233333

Yan Hang smiled, "After mixing it all evenly, pour it into a bowl and press it down, then sprinkle shredded cheese on top... Okay, bake it at 180 degrees for 15 minutes and it's ready to eat."

He exited the live broadcast and tossed his phone aside.

He stared at the rice and dishes in the bowl for a long time.

Only when there was a sound from the door did he suddenly turn his head and pick up the knife beside him.

He didn't know why he had such a reaction, but under Dad's intentional or unintentional training, such reactions had become ingrained in his body, just like those vague uneasiness.

"My dear crown prince!" Dad's voice came from the living room, "Baby, are you home?"

Yan Hang put down the knife and walked out of the kitchen, "Making dinner."

"Is there any for me?" Dad kicked his shoes aside and asked.

"Casserole, want some?" Yan Hang looked at him and felt Dad looked exhausted.

"Yes," Dad walked up to him and stared at him for a long time, "Hang ah."

"Hmm." Yan Hang responded.

"Suddenly feel you've grown up." Dad said.

"Then you're a bit slow," Yan Hang said, "I feel I've never been young."

Dad started laughing. After laughing for a while, he opened his arms and hugged Yan Hang, "I've always felt I've let you down."

Yan Hang paused, then also hugged Dad, and quickly felt him up and down.

"No injuries." Dad said.

Yan Hang hugged Dad. After a moment of silence, he still couldn't hold back those words, "Dad."

"Hmm?" Dad patted his back.

"I'm scared." Yan Hang said softly.