Chapter 28 Part 1

The snow was still falling.

The open space in front of the corridor-style apartment building in the Cadre Family Compound was covered in white snow, with a few sets of footprints, big and small. Li Zan walked across the snow with his head down, not carrying an umbrella. Snowflakes covered his hair and shoulders.

He quickly walked into the corridor, not bothering to brush off the snow on his body. He took a few large strides up to the second floor, turned a corner, and paused. Chen Feng, wrapped in a military overcoat, was smoking while stomping his feet from the cold, waiting at his door.

Li Zan paused his steps and said, "Instructor."

"You're back." Chen Feng raised his hand and stubbed out the cigarette butt on the snow-covered railing.

A dim yellow motion-sensor light was on in the corridor. A thin layer of snow had already fallen on the concrete floor.

"How long have you been here? You didn't even call." Li Zan took out his keys, opened the door, and turned on the light.

Chen Feng followed him inside. "Your work keeps you busy; I didn't want to interrupt. Waiting a little isn't a big deal. Liang City must be haunted this year, it's still snowing at this time of year."

"It's a cold snap in spring." Li Zan tossed his keys into a bowl on the entryway cabinet, went into the living room, turned on the electric heater, and said, "Warm yourself up first, I'll make you a cup of tea."

Chen Feng sat down, rubbing his nearly frozen hands over the heater, and asked, "Where's your dad?"

"He went back to Jiang City." Li Zan's voice came from the kitchen. "Grandpa and Grandma aren't in good health, so he went back to look after them."

"If you want to transfer back to Jiang City, you can. Luo Zhan said he can get you a civilian post there," Chen Feng said. "Your cadre status is being maintained, you can't be a volunteer forever. Don't even think about retiring, the organization won't approve it."

Li Zan didn't answer.

Chen Feng looked at the table in the corner of the living room. It was piled with books—chemical analysis, circuit diagrams... There was also a pile of wires, plastic, metal, chemical powders, plus small tools like scissors and tweezers.

Chen Feng felt a pang in his heart.

As he was thinking, Li Zan came out with a cup of hot tea and handed it to him.

Chen Feng took the tea and had a sip, then subconsciously glanced at the table again. Before he could get a clear look, Li Zan tossed a scarf over it, covering it completely.

Chen Feng pretended not to have seen and said, "How's your health?"

Li Zan said, "It's fine."

"And your ears?"

"Same as always."

He clearly didn't want to say more, and Chen Feng fell silent.

Chen Feng put down the teacup, was quiet for a moment, then took out a cigarette to smoke. Remembering something, he offered one to Li Zan.

Li Zan refused.

"Still not smoking?" Chen Feng smiled faintly. He remembered Li Zan once telling him that smoking was a form of mental control. He refused to be controlled like that.

"Don't overthink it," Li Zan said, sitting down next to him to warm up by the fire.

The smile on Chen Feng's face faded. He smoked his cigarette, blew out several smoke rings, and said, "I got the sealed file from September 26th of last year from Luo Zhan."

Li Zan looked down at the electric heater, his rubbing hands stiffening for a moment, but his expression was hidden. The snow on his shoulders and in his hair had already melted, leaving damp spots on his clothes, and his hair was clumped together in strands.

...

Chen Feng had gone to Jiang City to find Luo Zhan time and again, moving heaven and earth just to see last year's top-secret file.

That day, after bomb disposal expert Li Zan had shot down the first female suicide bomber, the detonator was accidentally triggered. As he was escaping, he discovered a second male attacker.

The bomb disposal expert rushed forward to try and control the person, to stop them from detonating the bomb.

The first explosion knocked people to the ground, leaving the surroundings in a state of chaos. The injured bomb disposal expert grappled with the attacker, but after a struggle, he lacked the strength to disarm the bomb. Seeing that it was about to detonate, the bomb disposal expert desperately shoved the attacker into an abandoned house by the roadside, pulled the door shut, and fled. In that instant, the bomb exploded.

The bomb disposal expert was knocked unconscious on the spot. Afterward, the Dongguo military discovered several fragmented bodies inside the abandoned house. When pieced together, besides the attacker, there was a family of six who had been hiding inside—a young couple, three little boys, and a little girl.

The Dongguo military completely sealed off the news, and the Peacekeeping Command Headquarters also classified it as top secret, concealing everything from Li Zan.

"It was supposed to be kept from him. But," Luo Zhan said, "judging from Li Zan's reaction after he woke up, he knew."

"The place with the most blood at the scene was on the wall next to the door, which is where that family was hiding. From this, we can infer that it's very likely that in the instant Li Zan pulled the door shut and turned to run, he saw the family of six hiding beside the door. Perhaps he even made eye contact with them... But in that moment, there was no time to react, no time for anything."

"Perhaps the psychological impact of that moment was too great, and he failed to react as a special forces soldier should in the next instant—sprint away, dodge diagonally, or drop and crawl. That's why he was so severely injured."

...

Chen Feng sighed. "Why won't you tell the truth, not even to the psychologist? If you don't tell the truth, who can help you?"

Li Zan said, "It doesn't matter anymore."

"If it really didn't matter, would you have gone to America to find Doctor Jackson on your own? And what about all this stuff on the table?"

Silence.

Chen Feng said, "Ah Zan, you didn't know there were people in that house. Besides, if it weren't for you, the 13 soldiers reported as injured in the news that day wouldn't have been injured, they would have been dead."

But Li Zan didn't hear him; there was a roar in his head.

He lowered his head deeply, his hands clenched into tight fists, his brow furrowed, trying his best to resist the sudden wave of tinnitus.

Sometimes it was a buzzing, sometimes a thunderous roar, shaking him until he lost all ability to think.

He didn't hear a single word Chen Feng said.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that he slowly unclenched his fists, taking a slightly exhausted breath. Then he heard Chen Feng say, "Ah Zan, you were trying to save people."

Li Zan said, "A correct purpose doesn't mean the outcome is just."

Chen Feng said, "You, you're too kind and soft-hearted. Sometimes I even wish you could be a little tougher, a little colder."

Li Zan didn't speak for a long time. In the end, he only said, "I'm doing fine now."

After he said it, he knew Chen Feng didn't believe him.

As for whether he himself believed it, he didn't know.

...

It snowed all night.

Waking up in the morning, the world outside was cloaked in silver, pure and white.

Li Zan went to the police station early for his shift.

Today was the Lantern Festival, and it was also a snowy day. There were few people on the streets, and the atmosphere of the entire city was somewhat lazy and weary.

At the police station, his colleagues weren't very energetic either. There were no urgent matters to handle all morning. A few police officers and assistant officers were lounging around in the office, warming themselves by the fire and chatting idly, complaining about Liang City's abnormally cold weather this year and griping about their hard work and low pay.

Li Zan was a newcomer on a special assignment. He had only been on the job for a few days, and being a man of few words, he didn't join in.

During the lunch break, a few colleagues were napping at their desks.

The office was silent.

He felt a bit restless and went out for a walk.

The road was filled with the honking of cars and the clamor of voices.

Perhaps because the air was fresh after the snow, he could hear those sounds very clearly.

Li Zan walked on, and before he knew it, he had reached a familiar intersection and stopped. Looking up, he saw the Liang City TV Station building across the street.

He stood by the roadside, gazed at the building for a while, then turned to walk back.

Halfway there, he came to a crosswalk and needed to cross the street.

He waited for the red light with his hands in his pockets, somewhat absent-mindedly.

The traffic light turned green, and he stepped onto the crosswalk. A cold wind blew, and he squinted, lowering his head slightly against the cold. He inadvertently glanced back in the direction of Liang City TV.

When he turned back, his heart jumped in surprise.

Song Ran was walking towards him from the opposite side. She had been looking back over her shoulder, and when she turned her head, her face was crestfallen and disappointed. The next moment, her eyes met his, and she too was startled, her eyes widening slightly.

Their gazes met as they walked towards each other, meeting in the middle of the road. Both were a bit tongue-tied.

"You..." Song Ran took her hand out of her pocket and pointed back and forth a couple of times, not sure where to point or what to say.

Li Zan smiled first and asked gently, "What are you doing here?"

"I..." She couldn't very well say she was out for a walk during her lunch break and had accidentally ended up at the Baixi Road Police Station. "I came out to meet a friend. And you?"

"Running some errands for work."

"You..." She had just started to speak when his expression changed slightly. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in front of him. She stumbled, almost crashing into his arms, but he had already taken a quick step back to make room for her.

It turned out the light had changed, and cars were speeding past behind her.

On the wide road, traffic sped by.

He and she stood on the yellow line in the middle of the road, like a lone island in the sea.

For no reason at all, she suddenly smiled.

"What are you laughing at?" He had been watching her expression and asked softly.

There was laughter in her voice. "The two of us are standing in the middle of the road, trapped. It's so silly."

Li Zan looked up, then glanced back. Through the dense traffic, people were coming and going on both sides of the road. Two large groups of pedestrians were gathered at the curb, waiting for the light to turn green. Only the two of them were stranded in the middle of the road.

He suddenly smiled too and said, "Yeah."

Song Ran said, "I used to get stuck in the middle of the road sometimes when I was trying to beat the light, and I'd feel super awkward. But, if there are two people..."

Her voice trailed off, and she didn't finish her sentence. The last few words were swallowed by the sound of rolling tires.

Li Zan didn't hear clearly. He bent his head slightly and asked, "But what?"

She looked at his approaching profile and the hearing aid by his ear, then gently lowered her eyes and said, "But, I rarely do this, only once."

"Oh." He straightened up and nodded.

Just then, the pedestrian light turned green again. The little green man on the signal began to walk, moving its arms and legs. From both sides of the road, crowds of people surged towards each other.

They looked at each other, their gazes quiet for a moment.

Song Ran pointed to the side of the road and said, "I need to cross."

"Yeah." Li Zan gestured with his chin in the opposite direction. "I have to go too. ...Um, Happy Lantern Festival."

He suddenly said this, and Song Ran froze for a moment before bursting into laughter. "Oh right, it's the Lantern Festival today. You too."

"Yeah."

Passing pedestrians brushed past them. Silhouettes flickered, crossing the line of sight between them. His gaze never left her. He watched her and suddenly asked, "Have you had lunch?"

...

There happened to be a decent tea restaurant at the intersection, and Li Zan and Song Ran found a seat by the window.