The wind and snow gradually subsided, and Ding Hanbai's mind slowly cleared. Yet, the clearer it became, the more smug he felt, filled with the twisted pleasure of having done wrong. He climbed up from the snow and looked at the figure that had run nearly a hundred meters away. He called out, only to see the other person run even faster.

Ji Shenyu, having gone from horrified to calm, could no longer describe what he was feeling. He stumbled through the snow, his lips seeming to retain a lingering warmth, while his thoughts were like the flurrying snow, impossible to sort out or understand.

As he ran, he finally broke down, fell to his knees, and began to tremble, covering his face with his hands.

Ding Hanbai had kissed him, touched his lips with his own.

All his perceptions, all his established beliefs, had been shattered by that one kiss. Lips crushing lips, tongue hooking tongue, how could he... He lowered his hands, unable to comprehend how Ding Hanbai could do such a thing. The sound of hooves reached his ears; he knew Ding Hanbai was catching up, could hear Ding Hanbai calling his name again and again.

Ji Zhenzhu, a name he had once disliked, in the beginning.

But never before had he felt such fear upon hearing it.

After acting like a hooligan to his heart's content, Ding Hanbai caught up, dismounted, and lifted Ji Shenyu up. "Zhenzhu?" His hands were suddenly empty as Ji Shenyu broke free and continued to run. Ding Hanbai reached out to stop him, assessing the situation and offering an apology.

He was finally beginning to understand the feeling of one's words not matching one's heart. He muttered "I'm sorry," but in his heart, a team of eight horses couldn't drag back an ounce of regret. Held halfway in an embrace by Ding Hanbai, Ji Shenyu panicked like a wildcat whose tail had been stepped on, his defenses, fists, and fangs all coming out at once.

Ding Hanbai growled, "I'll let you go, stop struggling." He slowly released his hold, strangely reluctant. Just a few days ago, they had slept soundly in the same room, yet now, the other boy showed not a hint of wanting to linger in his arms.

Ji Shenyu's mind was a tangled mess. He rushed forward a few steps, then turned back, grasping for a sliver of hope. "You were in a daze then, you must have mistaken me for someone else, right?"

Ding Hanbai's reply was blunt: "No."

Ji Shenyu suddenly lost control. "You did! You must have!" He staggered backward, the heels of his boots kicking up bits of ice. "Was it Shang Minru, or Wu Nuomin... Anyone is fine, as long as it wasn't me."

Ding Hanbai asked, "Anyone is fine? I can kiss anyone?"

He didn't give Ji Shenyu time to answer, continuing shamelessly, "Didn't you think I've been acting strangely lately? Now you should understand. It's because I was hiding this little thought. The one I wanted to kiss was you. The moment I kissed you, I truly regretted it. How could I have endured for so long when there's such a fine taste in this world?"

Ji Shenyu's face was flushed red from the cold, yet it burned in waves. His heart was already in ruins, but his body remained standing ramrod straight. Ding Hanbai walked toward him, embraced him. He truly didn't understand. They were clearly junior and senior brothers... men of the same gender.

'Bastard, you son of a bitch,' he mumbled.

Ding Hanbai looked down at him, and he shed another tear.

"Zhenzhu..." Ding Hanbai said, "It's my fault. Let's go back first. If you cry, be careful not to get frostbite on your face." Perhaps he was wicked to the core, but the fall of Ji Shenyu's single tear made his thoroughly wicked heart give birth to a moment of mercy. Coaxing him, he lifted the other onto the horse, not daring to press their chests together again, only able to vent by whipping the horse's reins.

The two of them finally returned. Ding Erhe had long since finished his three bowls of sheep's milk in the yurt. On the way back to Chifeng's city center, Ji Shenyu huddled in the back seat, dazed. When he glimpsed the blue Mongolian hat, he wished he could open the window and throw it out. Not just the Mongolian hat—the Gold Bookmark, the Amber Pendant—he had to return them all to Ding Hanbai.

Planning this, he believed he could cut ties with him. Getting out of the car, going upstairs, and sitting down at the farewell banquet, Ji Shenyu was like a lost soul, not saying a single word. At night, he packed his luggage and rolled up his quilt to sleep in the other bedroom.

Ding Hanbai leaned against the headboard and advised, "You might have caught a cold lying in the snow today. Cover yourself well."

Ji Shenyu gritted his teeth. He had the nerve to mention lying in the snow?! That embrace, those fingers pressing down his hat, that confident, triumphant smile that had enveloped him—the memory of it all was suffocating.

He dropped his luggage, rushed to the bedside, and threw the quilt over Ding Hanbai, punching and kicking him. Ding Hanbai didn't resist at all, sitting up straight and letting him vent. Then, pathetically, he remembered Ding Hanbai fighting the robbers for him, remembered Ding Hanbai picking him up from school without a word, remembered Ding Hanbai taking off his own coat to dry his drenched feet.

The floodgates of memory opened, with a beginning but no end. All in all, this person had been more good to him than bad. Ji Shenyu stopped, completely dejected. He reached out and pulled off the quilt, wanting to see if Ding Hanbai had been hurt.

Ding Hanbai looked up at him. He said, "Don't be good to me anymore."

On their last night in Chifeng, neither of them slept.

The next day, on the train back home, it was once again a small sleeper compartment. Ji Shenyu climbed directly onto his bunk, lay down with his back to the room, and pretended to sleep. Ding Erhe asked, "What's wrong with him?"

Ding Hanbai took his frustration out randomly: "What else could it be? He's annoyed at the sight of you."

Ji Shenyu stared at the wall. Though the train swayed, he was as still as an old monk in deep meditation. Then his eyes began to sting unbearably. He closed them, becoming as quiet as an abbot entering nirvana. After a long while, an attendant pushed a dining cart by, selling meals. He heard Ding Erhe say he was going to the dining car to eat. Wouldn't that leave just him and Ding Hanbai?

He scrambled up. "Second Brother, I'll go eat with you."

Ding Erhe seemed surprised. "Alright... let's go then."

Ding Hanbai sat calmly on the edge of the bunk, watching Ji Shenyu flee with Ding Erhe as if his life depended on it. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but he found it amusing. He had always bullied those he disliked, but when it came to Ji Shenyu, he bullied him when he was annoyed with him, and now that he liked him, he still couldn't help but bully him. In short, he was utterly unscrupulous.

He looked out the window helplessly, understanding that he had to give the other person time.

Then a new worry arose: if Ji Shenyu never accepted him, would he just give up?

Ding Hanbai's thoughts led nowhere, so he simply went back to reading 'The Youyang Miscellany'. He was on Volume Thirteen when Ji Shenyu returned from his meal with Ding Erhe. Without looking up, he waited for Ji Shenyu to climb back onto his bunk, then said, "Second Brother, weren't you saying you were bored? Let me tell you a story."

Ding Erhe nodded in confusion. When had he ever said he was bored?

Ding Hanbai began, "This volume is called 'Calamities of the Corpse.' The first story is about a man from Yangzhou in the early Yongtai era, who was resting in his bed." He shot Ding Erhe a look, and Ding Erhe caught on. "What a coincidence. It seems men from Yangzhou like to rest in bed after a full meal."

Ji Shenyu frowned and opened his eyes. He hadn't read that volume yet, so he could only listen to the man named Ding's sarcastic and cryptic tale. Ding Hanbai continued, "This man from Yangzhou fell asleep, his hand draped over the edge of the bed. Suddenly, a large hand grabbed it and pulled with all its might. His cries to the heavens went unanswered, and even his calls for his senior brother brought no response."

Hearing this, Ji Shenyu curled his arms to his chest and picked at the zipper of his cotton jacket.

"And just like that! A crack opened in the floor, and the hands dragged the man off the bed and into the hole!" Ding Hanbai narrated with rich emotion and a rhythmic cadence. "The man fell in, the crack closed up instantly, and all that was left on the floor was a beige cotton jacket... no, wait, a long gown."

Ding Erhe asked, "Then what happened?"

Ding Hanbai exclaimed, "They dug immediately! After digging several meters deep, they uncovered a skeleton in the earth, without a shred of flesh on it. It had clearly been dead for many years."

'A day in heaven is a year on earth. If only a moment passed on the surface, could time be flying by underground?' Ding Hanbai let his thoughts wander. "Do you know why a hand grabbed the man? Because there are spirits of the dead underground." He lowered his voice. "This is a train. Beneath the train are the tracks. Of all the construction projects, building railways is the most dangerous and has the most fatalities."

As soon as he finished speaking, the compartment was plunged into darkness. Ding Hanbai rushed to the bunk, fumbled for Ji Shenyu's arm, and gave it a sharp tug, altering his voice to scare him. "Senior Brother!" Ji Shenyu cried out, curling into a ball and shrinking further into the bunk.

Ding Hanbai then played the hero. "Quick, come to Senior Brother."

Ji Shenyu, startled, followed the sound and lunged forward, only to be lifted off the bunk by Ding Hanbai. Just then, the train exited the tunnel, and the light returned. Ding Erhe was already doubled over with laughter. Humiliated and angry, Ji Shenyu struggled nonstop. Ding Hanbai said, "Second Brother, go have a smoke."

The compartment was left with just the two of them. Ding Hanbai held him in an iron grip, his explanation laced with teasing. "Sorry, I was just playing with you. It's your fault for ignoring me."

Ji Shenyu was on the verge of tears, giving up his struggle like a lamb to the slaughter. A sliver of pity stirred in Ding Hanbai. He put the boy down, covered him with a quilt, picked up his book, and continued the story. It was rare for him to speak so softly, like a loving father telling his beloved son a story. He glanced at the other boy from time to time, speaking until Ji Shenyu fell asleep.

He slept all the way until nightfall.

The train stopped at several stations. The travelers patiently endured until the final stop, then filed out, all remarking on how much colder it had gotten.

In the Front Courtyard's living room, a hot soup and fine dishes were prepared. The three young men had returned successfully from their procurement trip, so a welcome back and celebratory meal was in order. After taking his seat, Ji Shenyu ate in silence. To his right, Ding Hanbai recounted the various events of their trip—the amusing anecdotes, the dangerous situations—agitating the entire table. He took a sip of soup to wet his throat and handed over the purchase order.

Ding Yanshou unfolded it, and his expression changed instantly. The table fell silent. He asked, "Sixty percent frosted stone, twenty percent chicken-blood? Nonsense! Who told you to do this?!"

Ding Hanbai said, "Let's eat first. I'll explain properly after we're done."

Ding Yanshou's blood rushed to his head. "Explain? No matter how you explain it, you still acted first and reported later! The proportions we've figured out over so many years, I even calculated the fractions for you before you left. It's one thing for you to be willful and reckless in your personal life, but how dare you make your own decisions in the shop's business!"

Ji Shenyu looked up from his bowl, opening his mouth to defend Ding Hanbai. But he was supposed to be drawing a clear line between them, so he forced the words back down. Seeing this, Jiang Shuliu immediately said, "Shenyu, was it cold these past few days in Inner Mongolia? Did you go to the grasslands?"

With the sudden change of topic, Ji Shenyu replied, "It wasn't cold. The grasslands were covered in snow." He gave a dry laugh, which inevitably reminded him of Ding Hanbai's misdeeds on the grassland. He forced himself to change the subject. "The gloves Auntie knitted for me are especially warm. I wear them every day."

Jiang Shuliu, doing her best to stop the father and son from fighting, put all her effort into changing the subject, turning to Jiang Caiwei. "When we were young, we also gave scarves and gloves as gifts, ones we knitted ourselves."

Jiang Caiwei said, "You could give them to your husband, but I can only give them to these nephews of mine."

Jiang Shuliu suggested, "You'll be twenty-four after the New Year. It's time you found a boyfriend." Her older sister never used to rush her about these things, but the situation forced her to nag. "Before you know it, you'll be twenty-seven or twenty-eight. All the good ones will be taken. Who will you marry then?"

Jiang Caiwei played along. "No one likes me, what can I do? If I'm still not married by twenty-seven or twenty-eight, I'll just move out. I can't let you and brother-in-law support me forever."

The two sisters went back and forth, not giving Ding Yanshou a single opportunity to speak, leaving him thoroughly exasperated. Ding Hanbai ate in peace, thinking the crisis had passed. Unexpectedly, the person to his left abruptly stood up. The tables had turned, and his crab roe bun was knocked to the floor.

Everyone at the table looked up. Ji Shenyu's heart was pounding like a drum. He said, "Auntie, in a few years, when I'm older, I want to marry you."

The room fell silent. The entire Ding Family was stunned speechless, and Jiang Caiwei was too shocked to even make a sound. Ji Shenyu stood ramrod straight, his face as red as if it were being roasted by fire. Yet, the anxious thought in his mind was not what Jiang Caiwei would think, but rather...

Suddenly, the sound of a shattering soup bowl was as startling as a thunderclap. Ding Hanbai's arm was numb from the force of the slam. He cursed, "Are you fucking crazy?!"

Ding Yanshou stammered, "Shenyu, although you and Caiwei are not related by blood..."

Ding Hanbai was relentless. "It doesn't matter if you're not even remotely related!" He glared at Ding Yanshou as well. "Unless you want to become brothers-in-law with your own apprentice!" He stood up, kicked his chair away, and glared at Ji Shenyu. "Or do you want to be my little uncle-in-law?!"

Gritting his teeth, his words so harsh they could chew through flesh, Ding Hanbai's bristling hostility was terrifying, as if he were about to flip the table. Jiang Caiwei quickly tried to smooth things over. "Everyone, sit down. The joke's on me now. I'll bring a boyfriend home tomorrow for you all to see."

Ding Hanbai's cannon fire was indiscriminate. He yelled at Jiang Caiwei, "You knew no one else was thinking about him, yet you insisted on coddling him with gloves on one hand and a box of peach crisps on the other. If he doesn't think about you, who else would he think about?!"

Jiang Caiwei felt terribly wronged. Ding Hanbai himself had told her to lie about those gloves.

This welcome-back dinner had driven several people mad with anger. It was truly a spectacular mess. After the meal, Ding Hanbai tried to drag Ji Shenyu back to the small courtyard but was stopped by Ding Yanshou. Powerless, it took him an eternity just to release his hand, as if it were coated in glue.

Ji Shenyu fled in a flash, as if escaping a flood or a ferocious beast.

After being away for many days, the small courtyard felt a bit deserted, though the lightbulb was as bright as ever. Ji Shenyu was physically and mentally exhausted. Too lazy to unpack, he washed his face and went to bed. Three to five minutes later, he got up again to bolt the door. That wasn't enough, so he locked the window too.

Ding Hanbai was weary from the long journey, only to be subjected to his father's discipline behind closed doors. Regardless of whether his reasoning was sound, he had to be taught a lesson for not reporting his actions. A few dozen strokes from a feather duster would leave even a man of steel swollen and sore, let alone his fragile mortal body that could handle neither cold nor heat.

After the beating, Ding Yanshou finally allowed him to speak. "Explain. If you can't explain it clearly, go sleep in the water tank."

Ding Hanbai explained everything. It hadn't been a sudden whim at all, but a plan he had made before he left. Ding Yanshou's head throbbed. He was amazed at his son's decisiveness to change plans, but even more worried. "What makes you so sure you'll profit without a loss?"

Ding Hanbai said, "Profiting without a loss is the bare minimum. I'm going to make Jade Pavilion rejuvenate step by step." When it came to promises, if he dared to make one, he was confident he could keep it. "Even if it ends in total failure, I'll use my own money to cover the accounts."

Ding Yanshou asked, "Where would you get that much money?"

Ding Hanbai bluffed, "I'll sell my body if I have to. It won't be a problem."

Ding Yanshou was so angry he nearly fainted. Sell his body? He had spoiled this profligate since he was a child, the expenses for his food, drink, and entertainment were incalculable, and now he had the gall to talk about selling his body? Selling his blood would be more believable!

Late at night, with the dew growing heavy, Ding Hanbai was finally let go. But in the small courtyard, only a single lonely lamp remained lit. He wasn't so vile as to break down the door or window, so he just paced under the eaves a couple of times before going back to his room to sleep.

The Western Clock chimed on the hour, replacing the crow of the rooster at dawn.

Ding Hanbai didn't stay in bed. He got up and went next door to offer a jaunty "Good morning," only to find the bedding neat and the room empty. He understood that Ji Shenyu was avoiding him. In that case, he'd see him at the dining table. But he came up empty in the Front Courtyard as well.

Jiang Shuliu said, "Shenyu went to the library early this morning, without even eating."

Jiang Caiwei was worried. "Could he be embarrassed about last night's incident, and avoiding me?"

Ding Hanbai's gaze was grim, his smile frigid. "What's there to avoid you for? Do you really think he wants to marry you? He was just trying to get you out of a tight spot. Can you not take it so seriously?!"

After his outburst, he didn't eat either, instead driving the stone materials to Jade Pavilion to be put in storage. Once he got busy, he had no time for anything else, working until the afternoon without even a drink of water. Before leaving, he made a special trip to Zhuifeng Tower to get takeout Butter Chicken Wings.

Ding Hanbai drove home. Entering the small courtyard, he saw the bedroom door was ajar. He's back. Suddenly, even the pot of Lucky Bamboo looked adorable. "Ji Zhenzhu?" he called, walking to the door and pushing it open, coming face-to-face with Ji Shenyu's profile.

Ji Shenyu was sitting at the desk reading a book. He didn't look up, even his peripheral vision was restrained.

Ding Hanbai said, "I bought Butter Chicken Wings. They're warming in the kitchen. I'll change, and we can go eat." He saw that Ji Shenyu didn't react, but he didn't refuse either, so he just assumed the other boy was being shy.

Feelings and love, all that business about liking someone, it was embarrassing after all.

Ding Hanbai strode back to his room, swung the door open, but the hand taking off his watch froze. The carpet still had its geometric pattern, the round table was still carved from ebony, but the things on the table were incredibly jarring—the Gold Bookmark, the Amber Pendant, the Mongolian hat, and even his clean jacket.

This act of returning everything to its rightful owner was truly decisive and resolute. Ding Hanbai threw his watch on the floor, grabbed the items, and stormed next door. He kicked open the door carved with flowers and grass, his body trembling with rage. "Giving it all back to me? What's the meaning of this?"

Ji Shenyu said, "I don't want them anymore."

Ding Hanbai cursed, "You don't want them, so you don't have to have them? You didn't want me to kiss you, but didn't I fucking kiss you anyway?!"

Ji Shenyu suddenly looked up at him, his expression pained and forbearing. "You've already kissed me, you should have had your fill of craziness. Can't you just let me go?" He crumpled the page of his book, his heart about to leap out and land on the paper. "I'm your junior brother, a man with an Adam's apple, just like you. Have you lost your mind?"

The other man approached, blocking out the light inch by inch. Ji Shenyu lowered his head, feeling powerless. "Junior brother, is that it?" Ding Hanbai sat down. "You get jealous over trivial things with me, your senior brother, a man. You call for me when you're scared, and you knock on my door in the middle of the night when you're upset. I can't be bothered to list every single incident. My good junior brother, you're so smart, so ask your own heart, do you really have no feelings for me?"

When he first developed feelings, he had struggled for a long time. Of course, he had been surprised by the matter of gender, but all his astonishment couldn't defeat the sincerity of his feelings. He wasn't stupid. You could kill him, and he still wouldn't believe that Ji Shenyu felt nothing.

And had Ji Shenyu not thought about it himself? He couldn't eat or sleep in peace, not for a single moment did he stop thinking. He cared about Ding Hanbai. In this large family, he was closest to Ding Hanbai. His heart would race and his mind would fall into chaos when he faced Ding Hanbai... He didn't dare to think any further. He would rather remain in chaos.

Ding Hanbai pushed the gifts forward and said, "If you're going to return things, return everything."

Ji Shenyu turned his head in shock. Ding Hanbai continued, "The roses in the courtyard, all the effort I put in, when will you return that? How do you plan to return it?"

Those roses on the ground had long since withered, but the feelings that shouldn't have existed had now bloomed to their fullest.

Ji Shenyu said with such difficulty, "But I don't have those kinds of feelings for you."

The blunt rejection was more painful than the slap in the snow.

But Ding Hanbai was no ordinary person. He stood up abruptly. "It doesn't matter if you don't like me. I like you." His smile was unrestrained. "I'll be under your nose every day, teasing you and passing the time with you day after day. I'm not afraid that feelings won't grow over time."

Ji Shenyu looked up at him. "That's not 'like,' you've misunderstood your feelings!" He forced himself to remain calm, but inside he was collapsing. "It's just that my carvings catch your eye, my paintings, my skills that you appreciate... You've misunderstood!"

Ding Hanbai retorted loudly, "What did I misunderstand? I'm a grown man, I can't even tell the difference between romantic feelings and platonic ones?!"

He leaned down and pinched Ji Shenyu's cheek. "Little Southern Barbarian, if you can't figure it out, I'll give you time to think. We live under the same roof, I have all the time in the world to mess with you. You can't run, you can't escape. Even if you pack up and go back to your hometown, I'll deliver the betrothal gifts straight to your Yangzhou City! I'll say it again, liking is liking. Just like Master Ji liked your mother, and Ding Yanshou likes Jiang Shuliu. You see it clearly and you hear it clearly: I, Ding Hanbai, like you, Ji Shenyu!"

The roar echoed, reverberating endlessly among the beams.

—I like you, Ji Shenyu!

The author has something to say: As mentioned before, the junior brother's view on relationships is rather vague. After all, he's only 16, and the first time he's ever felt anything, he runs into someone this intense... There are also the limitations of the era. He has had almost no exposure to any knowledge related to homosexuality. Shocked.jpg