Chapter 32

That day ended so hastily. From beginning to end, Wei Qingyue barely glanced at her, nor did he say a single word to her before disappearing into the crowd again.

How could there not be gossip?

The food had fallen all over the floor, a complete mess. Jiang Du asked the cafeteria auntie for a broom and dustpan. Wang Jingjing was about to help her clean up, but Lin Haiyang popped out of nowhere and insisted on doing it.

“You girls are as skinny as chicks, let me do it.” Lin Haiyang held a mop, chuckling. He was still the same old joker.

It was the first time Jiang Du realized that Lin Haiyang always seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was truly strange.

The two days of the Gaokao, so important, yet they passed just like any other day, with the sun rising and setting. The school gate was packed with parents seeing their children off. Traffic police maintained order, and a long line of volunteer taxis for examinees was parked by the roadside. It was a major national event, but no matter how major, when it happened, the sun was still the same sun, and the sky was still the same sky, indifferent to the affairs of the world.

On the evening of the 8th, the first and second years resumed their evening self-study sessions. In the school, the academic building was brightly lit. The third-year students stood on the upper floors tearing up their books, the pages fluttering down like snowflakes. Someone confessed loudly, shouting “XXX, I like you!”, while others yelled “Farewell forever, goodbye Mei Zhong!” The air of freedom seemed to rush before the eyes of the graduating third-years all at once.

The entire academic building was in chaos, with no one in charge. The hallway railings were crowded with first and second-year students watching the third-year seniors' commotion. The lights reflected in their eyes, and deep in their pupils were fragments of books, unrestrained smiles, and an indescribable envy.

Few people were in the classroom; most had gone out. Jiang Du and her deskmate, Zhu Yulong, both remained in their seats without moving. Zhu Yulong was watching a movie on an MP4 player. It was too noisy outside to study. She had a diary she liked to use for transcribing movie lines.

You have to understand how desperate teenagers were for outside information and spiritual nourishment under the pressure of the Gaokao, with their internet access restricted, their sense of fashion suppressed, and forced to wear only school uniforms. However, to indulge constantly was a sin. Only at a moment like this could one watch a movie with a clear conscience.

Jiang Du didn't even have the heart to watch a movie. She was organizing her liberal arts comprehensive notes.

As she raised her hand to tuck her hair back, she noticed Zhu Yulong seemed to be looking at her. Jiang Du lifted her eyes. Zhu Yulong met her gaze with the same indifferent expression. She rarely spoke and seemed hard to get along with. Now, Jiang Du knew that wasn't the case.

She smiled, but Zhu Yulong didn't smile back. With her earphones still on, she withdrew her gaze and went back to watching her movie.

Jiang Du didn't think much of this small interlude, although she didn't know why Zhu Yulong had been staring at her.

“Do you have one of those?” Jiang Du suddenly noticed something was off. Her period was a bit irregular. She carefully poked Zhu Yulong.

The girl took off her earphones. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you have one? I think I just got my period,” Jiang Du said awkwardly. “I forgot to buy any. I’ll go tomorrow.”

“I don’t have any in the classroom, but I do in the dorm. Do you need one now?” Zhu Yulong paused the movie.

Jiang Du quickly waved her hands. “It’s fine. Can I borrow a couple after evening self-study? I’ll return them to you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Zhu Yulong put her earphones back on. She didn't offer any polite words like 'no need to return them'.

Jiang Du wanted to ask for something else, but the words reached her lips, and she hesitated before swallowing them back down.

After classes resumed, she was always afraid of doing anything alone—going to the cafeteria, fetching hot water, going to the restroom. She especially didn't dare to take a single step out of the school's main gate. It always felt as if countless gazes were lurking in the corners. The moment she appeared, those gazes would stick to her like a layer of summer sweat, uncomfortable.

There were a lot of people outside. She wanted to go to the toilet. She tore a long strip of toilet paper from her drawer, folded it into a square, and, clenching it in her hand, forced herself to go out.

Quickly passing through the noisy crowd with her head down, like a thief who had done wrong, Jiang Du just wanted to get to the restroom as fast as possible.

The hallway, full of shadows, was so long it seemed endless. But one could always walk out of it, couldn't they? Jiang Du turned back and let out a deep breath. She lifted her face and looked at the brightly lit academic building as a scrap of paper brushed past her cheek.

'I'll have a day like this too. Keep going,' she told herself silently.

The next day, the third-year students left the school, and the campus returned to order. During the big break, Jiang Du, as usual, did not participate in the morning exercises. She stayed in the classroom, agonizing over how to go to the school gate alone to buy sanitary pads.

Just as she finally mustered up enough courage, Zhu Yulong suddenly ran into the classroom, panting. She looked at Jiang Du and said, “You’re going to the supermarket at the gate to buy that thing, right?”

Jiang Du was a little surprised and nodded.

“Give me the money, I’ll buy it for you,” Zhu Yulong said, her face red from running. “Don’t go to the school gate if you don’t have to.”

“It’s okay, I can’t trouble you all the time.” Jiang Du tactfully refused, giving Zhu Yulong a gentle smile. “But thank you anyway.”

“Don’t go, Jiang Du.” Zhu Yulong’s expression soured. “Let me go buy it for you.”

Jiang Du looked at her for a moment, then asked softly, “Is that person at the school gate?”

Zhu Yulong clearly hesitated, but she still told her. “Yeah. I heard from the teachers that he was detained, but somehow he’s back at the school gate spouting nonsense. Don’t go out if you don’t have to, and don’t pay him any mind.”

She knew everything. She knew what this was all about.

Jiang Du’s shoulders trembled slightly. She didn’t say anything more, just took out the money and gave it to Zhu Yulong.

She was suddenly hit by a wave of nausea. Covering her mouth, she hurried downstairs alone after Zhu Yulong left.

When she reached the toilet, she quickly closed the door, only to find she couldn't throw anything up. Beside the squat toilet was a splash of yellow urine. She accidentally stepped in it, and it just felt dirty.

Outside, it sounded like some girls had come in. At this time, with music blasting across the campus, there were always people who skipped morning exercises by saying they needed to use the toilet.

“How is that man here again? It’s terrifying.”

“I know, what a pervert. It’s making everyone so anxious. Why hasn’t that girl from the Liberal Arts Experimental Class transferred yet? If she doesn’t transfer, our school will never be at peace.”

“How could she bear to transfer? She worked so hard to get into Mei Zhong, and she’s even in an experimental class. She must be unwilling. But what’s the deal with her mom? If you listen to that pervert, he says her mom wore a skirt to deliberately seduce him, but then accused him of rape. Could that actually be true?”

“It’s possible. Otherwise, who would give birth to a rapist’s child? I don’t get it. Ugh, it’s so annoying. My mom’s been really worried about me lately, she even insists on picking me up after school on Fridays.”

“Same here, my mom insists on picking me up too now. I hope that girl transfers soon, then we’ll be safe. It’s a good thing she’s not a boy, otherwise, she might have inherited his tendency to rape. That's so scary.”

“Totally. By the way, during the two-day break for the Gaokao, my mom caught me playing on the computer at home and chewed me out. Once the Gaokao is over, I’m definitely going to pull all-nighters every day.”

“Haha, I’m planning on the same thing.”

The sounds of conversation, laughter, a faucet being turned on and off—Jiang Du heard every sound crystal clear. The restroom became quiet again. It was as if something had sunk to the very bottom with a thud, grey, cold, and dim. Suddenly, tears streamed down her face.

In more than ten years, she had fantasized about her parents countless times. Not once was it like this.

Ugly, nauseating, just like the puddle of urine at her feet.

She felt she had become just like that too.

She wondered if others looked at her the way she felt when she had accidentally stepped in it just now—with real disgust, a real feeling of filth.

The self-reassurance she had built up over the past few days could collapse in an instant.

When Jiang Du walked out, the glaring white sun stung her eyes. She squinted. 'How did it come to this?'

'Everything was fine, how did it come to this?'

'There’s no going back, is there?'

She didn't even have the right to write to Wei Qingyue anymore. She was dirty.

It felt as if even the bright moonlight outside the window would be tainted just by her looking at it.

She was like a black reef, battered repeatedly by the tides of emotion.

She didn’t know how she made it back to the academic building. The music had stopped, and the students, having finished their exercises, were beginning to disperse in a dense mass. Jiang Du looked at the crowd—so many people, so many stares, so many mouths. She was suddenly overcome with immense fear. The people before her seemed to magnify infinitely, standing there like giants.

A giant could crush her with a single step.

The giants were approaching step by step. Jiang Du wanted to run, but her feet were rooted to the spot, unable to move. Not until a familiar figure appeared before her, and Zhu Yulong shoved a black plastic bag into her hands:

“I bought them. Aren’t you going back to the classroom?”

Jiang Du stared at her, somewhat dazed. Zhu Yulong lowered her voice. “That guy... the security guards chased him away.”

Her pupils contracted sharply. Jiang Du snapped back to reality. She wanted to give Zhu Yulong a friendly, grateful smile, but couldn't manage it.

Outside the school gate, Wang Yong came again the next day. Cursing “little slut” under his breath, he would loudly proclaim to any student he saw just how promiscuous Jiang Du’s mother had been back then. The rest of his words were too vile to repeat. Students would take a detour to avoid him.

The school could only call the police again.

Wei Qingyue saw Wang Yong at the gate. At that moment, he was baring a set of yellow teeth, and large flakes of dandruff lay on his greasy hair.

The boy’s gaze was very deep; no one knew what he was looking at.

Zhang Xiaoqiang, who was buying something at a small shop by the gate, grabbed Wei Qingyue and said anxiously, “Don’t be reckless. You absolutely can’t get into another fight with someone like him. I think the school will definitely call the police. If he keeps harassing us like this, the police won’t just ignore it.”

Wei Qingyue actually gave her a slight smile. “I know.”

Zhang Xiaoqiang watched him nervously. “Wei Qingyue, don’t do anything stupid. You’re about to go abroad, why get tangled up with trash like him?”

Wei Qingyue seemed to agree with her, the corner of his mouth twitching. “Let’s go in.”

There was one day of peace in between. Just when the school security guards thought the police had deterred the man, Wang Yong appeared at the main gate once again.

The students' discussions grew more frequent, and the parents became increasingly dissatisfied. In some classes, parents were already putting pressure on the school, suggesting that Jiang Du transfer. Someone even left a message on the Education Bureau website.

Wang Yong had only one demand: to take Jiang Du away. He claimed repeatedly that he was Jiang Du's biological father and had the right to take his daughter.

In the blink of an eye, it was Friday. There were many more parents waiting at the gate to pick up their children, most of whom were there for their daughters. The incident at Mei Zhong had become the talk of the town.

Her grandfather had naturally also heard about the developments at school. The old man had asked an old friend to help him run some errands, so he would be a little late to pick up Jiang Du that day. On the phone, he repeatedly pleaded with the class teacher to make sure Jiang Du stayed safely in the classroom and didn't come out yet.

In the classroom, under the class teacher's arrangement, the class monitor and Zhu Yulong waited with Jiang Du for her grandfather.

Since that was the case, they simply let the students on duty leave, and the three of them cleaned the classroom.

Soon, the academic building was empty.

It was Zhu Yulong who first saw someone outside the window. She said to Jiang Du, “He must be looking for you. The monitor and I will go read by the flowerbeds on the first floor. When you come down, just give us a shout.” After speaking, she gave the monitor a look, and the two of them left.

Jiang Du couldn’t help but look out the window. Through the glass, Wei Qingyue smiled at her.

In that instant, the only feeling that arose in her heart was the urge to escape.

She hung the cleaning rag on its hook a little stiffly.

'What on earth did Wei Qingyue see in her? Pity for a fellow sufferer? No, she didn't want his pity. Or was this a competition to see who was more miserable?' Jiang Du lowered her head, walked back to her seat, and sat down.

Wei Qingyue was already standing in front of her. He said teasingly, “Why did you sit down without wiping the stool first?” He remembered that a certain someone in the letters was a neat freak.

Seeing her remain silent, the boy leaned over directly, resting both arms on her desk. He said with a smile, “What, pretending you don’t know me again?”

Jiang Du had been trying her best to endure it. Finally, she lifted her eyes to look at him. Wei Qingyue was really there, in her line of sight. His face was so clear. Her eyes slowly turned red.

“I thought your grandfather had already picked you up. Why haven’t you left yet?” He seemed to ignore her rabbit-like red eyes, his tone the same as before.

Jiang Du shook her head, still not speaking.

“Is your grandfather busy with something? I’ll take you home.” Wei Qingyue tapped the desk twice with his fingers, straightened up, and took out his phone. “You can give your grandfather a call and let him know.”

'But you can't always take me home. No one can be there forever. In the end, I have to rely on myself.'

Summer days were so long, and the dusk was bright. Motes of dust danced in the light and shadows. Jiang Du felt like one of those motes. The world had shrunk along with her. When could she finally grow up?

“No, thank you. I’m waiting for my grandfather. He told me to wait for him, so I will,” Jiang Du said, not quite daring to look at him. “Thank you, and for what happened last time, thank you for helping me out.” Somehow, the rest of her words came out in a self-deprecating rush. “I should be grateful that you’re still willing to be my friend, but I’m afraid this isn’t good for you. In the future...”

When she said the words “in the future,” it felt like the story had reached its end. A sharp pain seized her heart. Jiang Du held back her tears. “It’s better for me to be alone. I don’t want to cause trouble for others.”

The air was silent for a while.

Wei Qingyue kept his eyes lowered, looking at her. Jiang Du didn't move a muscle.

“If you think I’d change my opinion of you because of these things, then you’ve misjudged me. If you feel like you owe me a favor, then do something for me.” He waited for her to look up, and sure enough, Jiang Du raised her head to look at him. “That thing I asked you for help with before—tell her I’ve been hoping she would write to me again. She can write down her shy thoughts, anything at all. I’ll write back to her. I can still write back even after I go abroad. If she’s willing, I will always keep in touch with her. I won’t reply to anyone else’s letters, only hers. She can rest assured.”

Wei Qingyue’s eyes were so bright, yet so deep. He gazed at Jiang Du, then suddenly pulled a folded note from his pocket and pushed it toward her:

“This is my other QQ Number. I haven't added anyone. And my email. I’m leaving soon, but I’ll keep using these for now. I’ll let you know if my contact information changes. If she doesn’t want to write letters in the future, she can use these. Please give them to her for me.” The boy paused. “I don’t want to lose contact with her. I hope she knows that.”

Without waiting for Jiang Du’s response, Wei Qingyue said, “Since you’re waiting for your grandfather, I’ll head home first.”

He was always a decisive person. After saying his piece, he really did walk out of the classroom.

Jiang Du was left alone. She picked up the note, but instead of opening it, she gently tore it to pieces. She lay slumped over her desk for a long time. In the end, only a small puddle of water remained on the desktop, reflecting the evening glow from outside.

'Wei Qingyue, she won't write to you again.'

Jiang Du looked at the beautiful sky outside, picked up the bag containing her books, and locked the classroom.

After returning home, Wei Qingyue took a call from across the ocean. After hanging up, he sat quietly on the sofa for a long time. Then, he got up and started unwrapping a package the housekeeping auntie had picked up for him from the post office. It contained several issues of Book City, published after it had resumed publication.

The wind on the balcony was warm. Wei Qingyue took out a fountain pen and, holding the cap in his teeth, sat down in the wicker chair. He smoothed out a sheet of letter paper. The wind accentuated the deep black of his brows and eyes. On the distant horizon, only long strips of dark, purplish-grey clouds remained, and the outline of the earth was gradually fading.