What you can't get always gnaws at your heart.

When it comes to unrequited love, holding on is often much easier than letting go.

——Little Monster's Diary

Love has always been unequal; when you like someone and hope for an equal response, you've already lost.

Ding Xian realized the difference between herself and Zhou Siyue, and understood that he wouldn't like her. So, before she lost everything, she tried to pull their relationship back to a level playing field.

At least she wouldn't make herself seem humble.

Who says that when you like someone, you must stoop to the dust and bloom?

I'm not doing that anymore.

The classroom was quiet and bright in the afternoon, utterly silent, with warm sunlight spilling in from outside, casting a golden glow.

The English teacher robotically lectured on the usage of adverbs and prepositions. Her voice was dull and uninspired, making everyone drowsy. Ding Xian propped open her eyelids with her hand to keep herself awake.

As a result, Yu Shujun caught her in the act.

Her gaze shifted, and she subtly nodded her chin towards Ding Xian, her eyes behind her glasses gleaming sharply. "The female student in the last row of the first group."

While Ding Xian was still wondering who the unlucky person was, everyone's eyes simultaneously turned to her. She froze instantly, her hand still resting on her eyelids.

Yu Shujun retracted her gaze and said flatly, "Make a sentence using the preposition 'about,' using the usage I just explained."

'Did you just explain the usage?'

Ding Xian's mind was still reeling in confusion.

Someone quickly, and in a voice only she could hear, whispered an English sentence beside her ear—

"The train is about to leave."

'Tell me.'

'How can I not like him?'

Ding Xian repeated it. As soon as she finished, a few sparse laughs broke out in the class. Before Ding Xian could react, Yu Shujun slammed the table, her expression stern: "What's so funny?"

Yu Shujun looked gentle and mild, but her temper wasn't good. When she got angry and pushed up her glasses, everyone lowered their heads, afraid to speak.

Yu Shujun looked towards Ding Xian again. "Zhou Siyue, stand up and read that sentence again."

The chair beside her scraped back, and a tall figure stood up, blocking half of her light. The cotton of his T-shirt brushed softly against her shoulder, still warm.

The boy's voice calmly repeated:

"The train is about to leave."

Then, Ding Xian knew where her problem lay.

His pronunciation was standard, a pure American accent, exactly like the voice on the listening cassette. Only with this comparison did she realize her pronunciation was purely Chinese-style.

And it carried a strong, clunky accent.

Yanping didn't emphasize students' oral English or extracurricular development. High scores on written exams were all that mattered; everything else was irrelevant, as few children there went abroad anyway.

Ding Xian's face flushed crimson with embarrassment.

Yu Shujun nodded, signaling Zhou Siyue to sit down, then told Ding Xian, "You need to focus on oral English. Go back and listen to cassettes more often, and learn pronunciation from your deskmate."

Ding Xian nodded. Just as she was about to sit down, she heard Yu Shujun ask again:

"What's your name? What's your student ID number?"

She softly reported: "Thirty-eight, Ding Xian."

Yu Shujun made a tick mark on the list with her pen and said, "Sit down. Remember to practice when you go back."

She didn't know what Yu Shujun had recorded on the list. Perhaps she had drawn a line next to her name, indicating poor oral English, or something else. But this left Ding Xian deeply disheartened.

She used to be a rare good student in her teachers' eyes, once praised, revered, and sought after. She was first in every exam, and teachers always smiled cheerfully and beamed with pride when mentioning her.

Ye Wanxian once proudly waved her report card to show off to her sisters-in-law, and someone had replied with a comment.

"Girls, once their minds wander in high school, their grades tend to drop. It's better to have boys."

This was even said directly in front of her.

At that moment, Ye Wanxian's face fell.

Ever since coming here.

Ding Xian's self-confidence was almost completely shattered.

For the first time in her life, a thought of disliking school emerged from the bottom of her heart.

And it quickly turned into action—she actually skipped school.

The last class of the afternoon was self-study. After using the restroom during the break, Ding Xian didn't return to class but instead went to the Senior Three teaching building.

The Senior Three teaching building was on the west side of the school, a standalone building. It was originally a laboratory building, but after someone donated funds to build a new one, the school converted the old laboratory building into the Senior Three teaching building, like a group of patients isolated due to SARS.

They were indeed all patients.

They were infected with a virus called "Gaokao"*.

*T/N: Gaokao is the College entrance exam for all public school students in China

The Senior Three building was particularly quiet, unlike the Senior One and Senior Two students who, filled with aspirations for the new school, would lean in small groups along the corridors, chatting and discussing which class had the prettiest girls.

The teaching building was empty. Ding Xian's footsteps on the stairs echoed heavily, as if she had accidentally trespassed into a castle built in the wilderness, inhabited by a group of soldiers sharpening their knives.

Ding Xian found one of these "soldiers" named Xu Ke.

The boy, with a simple haircut, wearing a black polo shirt, black trousers, and a pair of unassuming canvas shoes, came out of the classroom. A familiar boy passing by teased him, "Xu Ke, you already have a junior student looking for you?"

Xu Ke earnestly pushed up his glasses. "Don't talk nonsense, this is someone from my hometown."

The person walked away, laughing.

Only then did Xu Ke look at Ding Xian and smile. "Why are you here?"

Ding Xian lowered her head. "Can I talk to you for a bit?"

"Of course."

Xu Ke led her up to the rooftop.

It was windy on the rooftop, and the wind instantly revealed some of her emotions. The young girl's eyes were red.

Xu Ke looked at her and said, "Can't adapt?"

Ding Xian sniffled. "It's alright."

Xu Ke laughed. "Really alright?" After saying that, he pretended to turn around. "Shall I leave then?"

Ding Xian protested softly, pulling him back.

"Give me a moment to compose myself, alright?"

Xu Ke turned back. "Tell me, what happened?"

Ding Xian sniffled again, then changed the subject. "Is your deskmate a boy or a girl?"

Xu Ke said 'ah,' a little disbelieving, thinking she would ask about schoolwork.

Ding Xian exclaimed 'aiya' and let go of his arm. "You answer first."

"A boy."

"Have you ever had a female deskmate?"

"Yes."

Xu Ke answered truthfully.

"Was your female deskmate nice to you?"

"..." Xu Ke said, "Is your deskmate not nice to you?"

"No, no, no."

Ding Xian sighed, feeling like she couldn't explain it clearly, so she simply changed the question: "Never mind. "Is your English oral strong?"

"Did the English teacher comment on your accent?"

Xu Ke finally understood.

Ding Xian nodded.

Xu Ke, quite experienced in this matter, began to elaborate: "It's normal. We didn't learn the pronunciation of a-b-c-d well when we were little. Just go back and read along with cassettes, or communicate more with people who have good oral English. You'll naturally find the problem. Have you heard of Li Yang's crazy English? I have a book there; I'll bring it back for you to look at. For oral English, you just have to read and speak a lot. I also followed it for over half a year to correct mine."

"Okay."

Xu Ke: "What did you just say about your deskmate? Did you argue with your deskmate? Or did your deskmate bully you?"

Ding Xian lowered her head, twisting her fingers in front of her, and plucked up the courage to say, "I think my deskmate might like me..."

As a result, Xu Ke burst out laughing. "You like him, don't you?"

"Damn it."

"I was so subtle, and he still figured it out."

Ding Xian glared at him. Xu Ke stopped laughing. "Alright, no more teasing. That guy sounds pretty good. When can I come check him out?"

"When did you become so nosy?"

Xu Ke: "I'm just curious what kind of guy has you so flustered. Have you forgotten the nickname your classmates gave you? Yanping Goddess?"

After saying that, Xu Ke laughed again...

Ding Xian wanted to turn and leave, but Xu Ke called out to her, "I can't give you much advice on relationships. I can only tell you, be confident, show the same spirit you had back in Yanping. Forget one deskmate; even if all the boys in school liked you, what's so strange about that?"

"God made you this way, girl."

"Thank God."

Ding Xian tiptoed back to the classroom.

Just as she pulled out her chair, she heard a calm, even-toned question beside her ear: "Where did you go?"

Perhaps Xu Ke's conversation had worked. At this moment, she felt like a rose everyone vied for. She gently tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear, then turned to Zhou Siyue and bloomed a beautiful smile, uttering four words—

"None of your business."

Don't be a coward, just do it.

Talk back to him!