If Jiang Cheng hadn't gotten angry, Gu Fei probably would have never told him this, and would have just kept it rotting in his stomach. Occasionally when he felt nauseous, he'd just suppress it, let alone actually saying it out loud to Jiang Cheng.

But since he had said it, he didn't hide much, except for some unimportant details like how Xiao Bing's group had used it as a betting pool that day.

He was afraid of many things, some of which he wasn't even aware of, and had only realized after being scared of it subconsciously for a long time.

He was afraid Jiang Cheng would sympathize with him, feel heartache for him, and develop some kind of notion to save him, or thoughts like "I absolutely cannot hurt him" that would tie him down.

Jiang Cheng was a naive and impulsive person. He really liked Jiang Cheng's personality, but was also afraid of Jiang Cheng like this, too naive, too reckless.

Coming with no attachments, leaving with no attachments.

Everything here was just not meant to be part of the scenery on his path.

Tomato egg noodles were his go-to recipe. The taste wasn't great. Li Yan had said before that this dish was a miracle cure - no matter how you make it, it would taste good. But then added that sometimes it doesn't work for just him.

Today was probably one of those times it didn't work. Gu Fei wasn't in a good mood. When he tasted it, he couldn't even tell if it was salty or bland. But perhaps it was because Jiang Cheng had spent a few hours taking photos and was in a bad mood, so he was hungry and was eating quite happily now.

"Are you bringing Gu Miao over yet?" Jiang Cheng asked, putting down his chopsticks and rubbing his stomach, looking very satisfied after finishing the noodles.

"Mm," Gu Fei nodded and got up to take the bowls and chopsticks to wash. "Go pick up Pan Zhi this afternoon and eat by yourselves. I have to talk to my mom tonight."

"I'll wash," Jiang Cheng held his hand. "What are you talking to your mom about?"

"She hasn't been back home these past few nights," Gu Fei said. "Not sure if she's found the love of her life again. I have to catch her at home before she goes out."

Jiang Cheng sighed. "Mom's getting married?"

"It would be great if she really could get married," Gu Fei said. "As long as she's not going to be a mistress destroying other families, I'm thankful."

Gu Fei looked at the time. Gu Miao should have packed up and be waiting for him at home now. He went over and kissed Jiang Cheng. "I'm going then."

"Get lost," Jiang Cheng pinched his waist. "Disappear from my sight."

"Put away the pillow," Gu Fei said. "If Pan Zhi sleeps on that pillow, we'll have to fight."

Jiang Cheng leaned his head back and laughed for a while. "I know, Pan Zhi will definitely sleep on the couch. He won't agree even if I let him sleep on the bed."

"Then I'm going." Gu Fei kissed him again.

"Mm," Jiang Cheng replied. "Can I go watch a movie with Pan Zhi? Sometimes when we're really bored we'll go watch a movie."

"Can you buy tickets with one seat between you two?" Gu Fei asked.

Jiang Cheng burst out laughing. "Damn."

"I'm going now." Gu Fei looked at his phone.

"That's the third time you've said it," Jiang Cheng said. "Can you leave through this door before saying it ten times?"

"I can," Gu Fei smiled and went to grab his bag. "Leaving."

"Mm," Jiang Cheng turned his head to look at him.

He walked out the door, and just as he closed it, stuck his head back in. "Really leaving now!"

"Damn it, hurry up and go," Jiang Cheng glared at him. "I fucking want to beat you up."

Gu Fei stepped back out the door, put down his bag, then suddenly rushed back into the room. Jiang Cheng was still leaning back in his chair. Gu Fei charged over and flipped open Jiang Cheng's shirt, biting his stomach, then rushed back out just as quickly and closed the door behind him.

As he ran downstairs carrying his bag, he could hear Jiang Cheng open the door and yell into the corridor: "Fuck!"

Gu Fei kept laughing all the way down the stairs. As he turned to look up at the window, something suddenly flew out from the building and landed neatly by his feet.

He squinted and saw it was a small white pebble.

"Damn," he laughed looking up.

Jiang Cheng was leaning out the window, holding what looked like a handful of pebbles probably taken from the potted plant on the ledge. As soon as Gu Fei looked up, he flung another pebble that landed precisely by his feet again.

"Hey!" Gu Fei backed up, surprised Jiang Cheng could aim so well throwing by hand instead of with a slingshot.

After backing up some distance, he seemed to be out of range as Jiang Cheng gestured without throwing the pebbles in his hand.

Laughing, Gu Fei took out his glasses and put them on to see Jiang Cheng's expression clearly.

As soon as he had his glasses on, he saw Jiang Cheng holding a rubber band. With two fingers, he flicked it in Gu Fei's direction.

"F*ck!" Gu Fei turned and ran.

After a couple steps, a pebble hit him on the butt. It didn't have much force, but that spot... As he ran, he turned his head back.

Jiang Cheng stood at the window, arm raised in a heart shape over his head.

Gu Fei felt himself smiling the whole way home.

Pan Zhi called just as Jiang Cheng was squatting under a tree outside the subway exit, sucking on an ice pop.

"Here already?" He picked up.

"Almost there," Pan Zhi said. "You've come out already right?"

"I've been squatting here at the exit for ten minutes already." Jiang Cheng said.

"Damn, Cheng'er, I'm so moved," Pan Zhi said affectionately. "Not even thousands of miles could come between our love..."

Jiang Cheng hung up. He continued sucking on the ice pop.

Since there were only two days, Pan Zhi basically didn't bring anything, just came running out of the exit with a backpack.

Jiang Cheng stood up and waved at him. Pan Zhi spread open his arms and charged at him with his legs flying.

He swiftly sidestepped, standing in a half-crouched stance to brace against Pan Zhi's powerful momentum.

"I missed you!" Pan Zhi yelled.

"I didn't." Jiang Cheng said.

"I just love how you say the opposite of what you mean." Pan Zhi said.  

"I did miss you." Jiang Cheng said again.

"I just love how you say exactly what you're thinking." Pan Zhi immediately replied.

"There was a beauty sitting next to you the whole train ride here right, and you didn't stop talking the whole time?" Jiang Cheng glanced at him. "Can't even stop now."

"I didn't stop talking, but it wasn't a beauty. It was an auntie who talked too much," Pan Zhi sighed. "She chatted the people on the other side of the aisle to sleep. Then turned to me, and I was the only one left with eyes open on this side. There wasn't any chance to close them, so I just had to keep her company... I'm parched. Let me suck on that."

Pan Zhi reached to take his ice pop and took a loud hard suck, but didn't get anything out. He twisted his brow painfully. "Fuck, what's this feeling of having huge hopes taking the first suck but getting nothing? Can you empathize grandpa?!"

"Let's go," Jiang Cheng laughed. "I'll treat you to a drink first."

There weren't any fancy places around the train station, so Jiang Cheng bought two bottles of coke from a small shop. He and Pan Zhi slowly drank while sitting on the little stools at the entrance.

"Ah..." Pan Zhi let out a satisfied sigh after chugging a few mouthfuls, then stared at him for a long time. "You're glowing grandpa."  

Jiang Cheng glanced at him but didn't reply.

"Clearly different from us single dogs." Pan Zhi said.

"Even when I was single I was different from you single dogs." Jiang Cheng drank some coke.

"Yes, handsome top student single dog... oh right," Pan Zhi clinked his bottle against his. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." Jiang Cheng said.

"I have something you'll like in my bag to give you," Pan Zhi patted his backpack. "Want to guess what it is?"

"Condoms." Jiang Cheng said without thinking.

Pan Zhi had been tilting his head back to drink. Hearing this, he choked and lowered his head coughing for a while. He took the tissue Jiang Cheng handed him and wiped the coke off his face before looking up. "Damn, you're really open now grandpa."

"It's not that I'm open," Jiang Cheng laughed. "Just feel like you've always been really open."

"I've been upright and law-abiding recently," Pan Zhi took a breath. "It's not condoms. Guess again."

"Already gave me a whistle so probably wouldn't gift that again. Upright and law-abiding now and last time was a pen... Hmm," Jiang Cheng thought for a bit, then clicked his tongue. "You didn't get me a set of papers did you?"

"I don't have that kind of determination," Pan Zhi said. "I'll show you when we get to your place."

Back at the rental, Pan Zhi took out the gift box from his bag. Only then did Jiang Cheng realize why he had waited until they got back to take it out.

This pink heart-shaped box, plus a ring of red hearts with rhinestones, plus the huge bow in the middle... If Pan Zhi had taken this out on the streets, he would have been too embarrassed to even reach out and take it.

"What kind of taste is this?" Jiang Cheng sincerely exclaimed.

"This is to protest your neglect of me!" Pan Zhi held up the box. "To protest you prioritizing romance over friendship! To protest you ignoring our cross-generational affection over so many years! To protest you..."

"Thank you." Jiang Cheng interrupted him and took the box from his hand.

The box was quite big. He shook it, and the heavy object inside banged against the box. From the sound and weight, he had a good guess what it was already.

Taking off the lid, sure enough, it was a slingshot.

"Damn, you couldn't even pad it a little? No sincerity at all." Jiang Cheng laughed. The box was completely empty except for a bare slingshot.

"Thunderbolt, curved wrist brace, perfect combination of 304 stainless steel and rosewood grip, letting you experience the thrill of outdoor combat..." Pan Zhi recited as if reading from a script. "What do you think, like it?"

"I like it." Jiang Cheng picked up the slingshot and weighed it.

"I bought the bands for you. Something this mighty needs good bands right," Pan Zhi took out a bag from his backpack. "North Star, you said this was good before right?"

"Mm," Jiang Cheng looked inside the bag and laughed. He could take the pink heart rhinestone box, but even the bands he bought were flamboyant purple. "Have you suffered some unspeakable pain recently?"

"Had to get a special color for a few dozen bucks! What's the point of getting a normal color? It won't show its value!" Pan Zhi pointed at the bag. "This, if you take it out, people will know, wow it's an expert, even the bands are pri...primo."

"Primo as in gay purple?" Jiang Cheng leaned back on the sofa, laughing hard. "My grandson, I've discovered you really are tacky."

"No no, really not. Grandpa, look at my sincere gaze," Pan Zhi sat next to him. "It's my first time even hearing the term 'gay purple', I learned it from you!"

Jiang Cheng laughed and took out the bands to pull on them. "Thank you."

"So polite, again and again," Pan Zhi lazily stretched. "Feels distant."

"No," Jiang Cheng said. "I'm truly, sincerely really happy you came."

"Really?" Pan Zhi looked very satisfied at him. "Took days off to accompany me to play?"

"Don't need days off," Jiang Cheng said. "We're still on summer break."

"Damn it!" Pan Zhi yelled. "No cram school?"

"Cram school doesn't start for another week," Jiang Cheng glanced at him. "Jealous?"

"Of course I'm jealous, I'm not a study god like you," Pan Zhi sidled up next to him again. "But doesn't that mean your pacing is slower now?"

"Obviously slower," Jiang Cheng cut a section of rubber band and slowly loaded it onto the slingshot. "Just self-study then."

"Oh right, I brought you a bunch of mock exams and materials, all made by the school so you can't buy them. I was going to photocopy them but Teacher Yuan gave me a set and told me to mail them to you." Pan Zhi tugged over his bag and took out a stack of review materials, placing them on Jiang Cheng's lap.

The weight of the materials settling on his legs made Jiang Cheng suddenly feel very grounded.

Most people probably wouldn't understand this sense of groundedness. It wasn't just about facing the gaokao, but more so the sense of direction these materials provided.

He had no plans for the night. To be exact, he had no plans the whole time Pan Zhi was visiting.

But Pan Zhi didn't have any particular requests on what to do. The two of them used to frequently skip class without anywhere to go, just sitting on a street planter able to space out for a whole day.

Pan Zhi also didn't have any food requests. After thinking for a long time he just said he still wanted to eat the fried rice cakes from last time.

"Should we call Gu Fei to come too?" Pan Zhi took out his phone. "And bring his cute little sister?"

"He's busy tonight, no need to call him," Jiang Cheng said. "Let's just go ourselves."

"Alright," Pan Zhi put his phone back in his pocket, and after thinking for a bit, lowered his voice, "Are you two living together now? Should I get a hotel room later?"

"We're not living together," Jiang Cheng said.

"No need to pretend with me," Pan Zhi glanced towards the bedroom. "Last time there was only one pillow, now there are two."

Only then did Jiang Cheng remember he had forgotten to put away the pillows per his boyfriend's request. He had thought his face was as thick as city walls, able to discuss condoms on the street without hesitation, but was suddenly a little embarrassed being called out by Pan Zhi like this.

Looking at those pillows... although he and Gu Fei hadn't yet done anything untoward on these pillows that the shopkeeper had boasted were extremely durable, the bed was like a crime scene, one glance and all sorts of indecent scenes came to mind, making him panic and turn to open the door, "Let's go eat."

While eating the fried rice cakes, he ordered beer from the boss. After all, reuniting with Pan Zhi after so long... it didn't actually feel that long, but they had been apart for a while so they should drink a little.

"Get liquor instead," Pan Zhi said. "You're a legal adult now."

"Who drinks liquor in this heat," Jiang Cheng popped the cap off a bottle of beer and placed it in front of Pan Zhi. "If you get drunk again we won't be able to chat tonight."  

Pan Zhi laughed. "After being here so long I thought you would order liquor as soon as you sat down."

"It hasn't been long enough to influence me that much," Jiang Cheng said, popping open a bottle for himself and taking a sip.

"It's good you haven't been influenced yet since you'll be leaving soon," Pan Zhi nodded.

Jiang Cheng's hand paused as he held up the bottle.

"What?" Pan Zhi noticed his subtle hesitation. "You'll be leaving after taking the exam next year, right?"

"Mm," Jiang Cheng responded.

Pan Zhi popped a rice cake in his mouth and after a while looked back up at him. "Cheng'er, you're not having second thoughts about leaving, are you?"

"No, of course not," Jiang Cheng replied.

"Good," Pan Zhi said lowering his head to eat a couple more bites. "Dating is dating, but you should still have some rationality left."

Jiang Cheng smiled. "You think I only have remnants of rationality left?"

"In theory no," Pan Zhi looked at him. "But I don't know what you're like when you're really in love, so I'm a little worried."

"Don't worry about that," Jiang Cheng said.

"Alright," Pan Zhi smiled and nodded. "Maybe you can also encourage Gu Fei to try harder too. Aiming for the same city would be better than a tearful long distance relationship."

Jiang Cheng didn't reply.

Pan Zhi's words made his heart suddenly tighten. It was such a normal thing for anyone to say, but it made him afraid.

"What's wrong?" Pan Zhi asked looking at him.

"Nothing," Jiang Cheng shook his head.

"You guys didn't have a fight did you?" Pan Zhi asked.

"No," Jiang Cheng replied.

Now it was Pan Zhi's turn to fall silent, seemingly at a loss for what else to ask.

"I haven't thought that far," Jiang Cheng said. "Not that I haven't thought about it, just haven't considered the details."  

"What do you mean not that far, it's just a year away," Pan Zhi said, bewildered. "Not that long right?"

"Very long," Jiang Cheng said.  

"...Oh," Pan Zhi opened and closed his mouth, wanting to say something but not verbalizing it. After a while he shook his beer bottle and said, "You'll take me to see your photo shoots tomorrow right?"

"Mm," Jiang Cheng nodded. "But it's a bit boring."

"Are there female models?" Pan Zhi asked.

"There are," Jiang Cheng glanced at him. "All quite pretty."

"Then how could it be boring," Pan Zhi immediately smiled. "Super interesting, what if I run into a fated one..."

"And have a long distance relationship?" Jiang Cheng eyed him sideways.

"Long distance is long distance, I'm not like you," Pan Zhi lit a cigarette and placed the pack in front of him. "It's not like anyone is thinking of eternity. Just a romance."

"Scumbag," Jiang Cheng continued glancing sideways at him.

"...Fine I'm a scumbag," Pan Zhi looked a bit helpless. He held the cigarette for a long time before seeming to make a decision and looked at Jiang Cheng, asking, "You're not actually thinking of eternity with Gu Fei right?"

Jiang Cheng didn't respond, also taking a cigarette and lighting it. After a couple drags he flicked the ash, nothing coming off. "Can't I?"

Probably because it was Pan Zhi saying this, Jiang Cheng didn't immediately flip the table. Instead Pan Zhi's words made his heart shake.  

Pan Zhi was blunt. Generally no one would give up social graces to speak so directly, only Pan Zhi dared to interact with him so straightforwardly.

After eating they strolled around for a bit before heading back to the rental unit. After showering, they sprawled on the sofa, neither wanting to move. They didn't continue the conversation from dinner, nor could they.

So they chatted idly. He and Pan Zhi had a lot of nonsense conversations, just watching TV they could chat and laugh about some stupid plot point for half an hour.

"Let's sleep," feeling tired out, Jiang Cheng checked his phone and saw it was past midnight already. "I have to be on location to shoot photos at 9am tomorrow."

"Give me your single pillow," Pan Zhi slid down to lie flat on the sofa. "Don't make me roll up towels as a pillow again."

Jiang Cheng laughed and went inside to grab a pillow for him. "Don't want to squeeze in my bed?"

"No thanks," Pan Zhi tsked. "How awkward if Gu Fei does a night check. I'm a straight man after all."

Jiang Cheng turned and went into the bedroom. As he sat on the bed, Pan Zhi called from outside, "Hey, what I said earlier... might have been a bit inappropriate..."

"It's fine," Jiang Cheng said.

"I'm just a bit worried, about you," Pan Zhi paused before continuing. "You can't treat everything like studying for an exam... right?"

Jiang Cheng didn't respond.  

"Night grandpa," Pan Zhi said.

Jiang Cheng sat motionless on the bed. Exhausted but felt like he wouldn't be able to sleep even lying down.  

He picked up his phone and opened his messages to check. Nothing from Gu Fei.

After scrolling through all of their chat history, Jiang Cheng felt like his eyes were going to close. He collapsed onto the pillow and sent Gu Fei a message.

- Have you thought about things in the future?

He fell asleep without a reply from Gu Fei.

Already dreaming, Jiang Cheng groggily rolled over.

What happened to leaving a thread of consciousness?

Tsk.