Being at rock bottom wasn't the worst feeling, what was more unbearable than being at rock bottom was when your mood plummeted straight from the sky into the abyss.

The good mood was simply smashed to smithereens with not even a complete corpse left.

Jiang Cheng hadn't had such an intense feeling of his heart being completely blocked up for a long time. After sitting with Gu Fei in the chairs on the first floor lobby for almost ten minutes, he still couldn't recover.

Li Baoguo's illness could now basically be determined. Lung cancer, right? Jiang Cheng stared at his own fingers. Bad lungs, coughing every day, and now words like chemotherapy had appeared.

Jiang Cheng felt like he was sunk at the very bottom of a whirlpool, surrounded by clamor but with a terrifying quiet beside his ears.

He knew very clearly why Gu Fei didn't let him go over there.

The money on his card was only enough for tuition and living expenses. He had no income. Before he could really support himself, every penny spent had to come from there.

He wasn't sure if Li Baoguo still owed the hospital money. But once he went over there, he could basically imagine what kind of situation he would face.

This was different from when Li Baoguo was surrounded and beaten. Back then, he was half venting and half helping Li Baoguo. He could rush over and fight with someone, but now...

A security guard walked out of the elevator and jogged over to the entrance of the inpatient department, then brought two policemen back into the elevator with him.

"Let's go." Jiang Cheng viciously rubbed his own face a few times and stood up. He didn't want to see Li Baoguo escorted out by the police later.

Gu Fei stood up with him and they left the hospital together.

Jiang Cheng went directly to the bus stop after leaving the hospital. Gu Fei pulled him and said, "Let's take a taxi."

"Oh." Jiang Cheng stopped and stood to the side watching Gu Fei hail a cab.

"Come eat at my place?" Gu Fei asked after getting in the car.

"Better not." Jiang Cheng only felt his head swelling.

"Then I'll go with you to eat something later?" Gu Fei asked again.

"I don't have much of an appetite now," Jiang Cheng closed his eyes and pinched between his eyebrows, "I'll go straight to Li Baoguo's house later and wait for him. He should be back tonight if the police take him away."

"Okay," Gu Fei seemed to want to say something more, but after taking a breath he didn't speak.

The car stopped at the intersection and the two got out.

Jiang Cheng looked at the road to Li Baoguo's place. After taking his things from Li Baoguo's place that day, he hadn't walked down that street again.

Looking at it now, the street was broken down and calm. With the warm yellow lights in the buildings on both sides, it looked like peaceful families one after another, but what kinds of people and homes were underneath, no one could imagine.

"I'm going over," Jiang Cheng threw his school bag over his shoulder, as if making a resolution, "You go back to the shop, I'll call you when I'm done."

"Okay," Gu Fei replied and seemed to hesitate before calling out again as Jiang Cheng turned to leave, "Brother Cheng."

"Hmm?" Jiang Cheng looked back at him.

"I don't know what you're thinking," Gu Fei said softly, "I'm saying this and it might not be appropriate, but I still have to remind you."

"Go on." Jiang Cheng smiled.

"Don't take out money for now," Gu Fei said, "Li Baoguo might not necessarily spend it on treating his illness. You may not have seen people who put their life after many other things, but he's like that."

Jiang Cheng looked at him and nodded after a while.

"He still has two kids," Gu Fei said, "If you want to do anything, see what your older siblings' attitude is first before considering, you have to...learn to leave yourself a way out."

"I got it." Jiang Cheng walked over to stand in front of Gu Fei and looked at him.

"Don't think I'm heartless," Gu Fei said, "I grew up here, these kinds of people, these things, I've seen too much, I'm used to judging like this. You don't have to be as extreme as me, but you can't be too naive either."

Although when Gu Fei said such things, there would be an unfamiliar feeling, but it still felt warm. Jiang Cheng reached out and scratched Gu Fei's arm, "I know."

When Gu Fei returned to the store, everyone had finished preparing the food. Gu Miao had eaten and was arranged by Li Yan to do homework in the small room.

"What's the deal with Li Baoguo?" Luo Yu asked when he came in.

"Don't know, probably lung cancer," Gu Fei went to wash his hands in the backyard before going into the small room to stay with Gu Miao for a while and then came out to sit at the table, "Drink?"

"Let's drink!" Chen Jie picked up two bottles of liquor from the floor and put them on the table, "We were just waiting for you to drink."

"Don't I already have drinks here." Gu Fei said.

"Li Yan wouldn't let us." Zhao Yi Hui laughed beside them.

"Always taking advantage of people." Li Yan said.

"Go ahead," Gu Fei served himself a bowl of soup, "You guys come to help out but I've never paid you."

"That's still different," Luo Yu opened a bottle and poured into each cup, "Why didn't Jiang Cheng come?"

"How could he possibly still come over," Li Yan clicked his tongue, "To come listen to us talk about Li Baoguo dying?"

"To be honest, I didn't really notice. He's always been like that, his face is always unpleasant," Chen Jie said, "I ran into him last week playing mahjong all night when I was coming over, those tiles are really more important than his life."

"Have Li Hui and Li Qian been back?" Li Yan asked.

"Haven't seen them." Gu Fei said.

Besides his perseverence with mahjong, it seemed that Li Baoguo really couldn't care about anything else. After eating, Gu Fei casually picked up the credit book and flipped through it. After buying yogurt last time Li Baoguo came, he hadn't been here again since.

It had been quite a long time. It seemed he really was severely ill this time. Gu Fei closed the book. If it really was lung cancer...he had been coughing for so long, so long that Gu Fei had almost forgotten what he was like when he didn't cough. But in the last six months or so even his voice was hoarse, judging by his lifestyle and the time that had passed, if this was lung cancer, it definitely wasn't early stage anymore.

He took out his phone and opened Jiang Cheng's chat window. There were no new messages from Jiang Cheng's side, but it had only been time for a meal. Li Baoguo might not even be back yet...He slowly scrolled up through the message history to the very top.

The messages he had exchanged with Jiang Cheng weren't that many. Sitting together during the day, and not many texts at night before directly calling. But he still remembered the circumstances and mood every time.

"Does Jiang Cheng have a little money of his own?" Li Yan came to sit next to him.

"Yeah, a bit probably, that his foster mother gave him before." Gu Fei said.

"Tell him not to be an idiot taking money out for Li Baoguo's medical treatment," Li Yan said, "That guy will definitely not use it properly, he'll take it and go gamble."

"I told him," Gu Fei threw his phone onto the checkout counter, "It's up to him."

"I feel like this is risky," Li Yan said, "He looks tough, but is actually just a young master from the big city. What kinds of people can come out of a steel factory environment, he probably can't even imagine in his dreams."

"Why do you care so much," Gu Fei glanced at him, "Even if he did take money, it wouldn't be your money."

"I'm lamenting life here," Li Yan laughed and stretched, "I'm sharing your worries. Not even playing games anymore, just staring blankly here."

"Get lost." Gu Fei said.

"Can I say one more thing before getting lost?" Li Yan said.

Gu Fei didn't respond.

"If he really wants to spend money on Li Baoguo, don't try too hard to stop him," Li Yan said, "So as not to make people feel you're heartless. Li Baoguo will die like this anyway, why leave him with hard feelings."

"You know why you're so skinny." Gu Fei said.

"I'm not skinny." Li Yan pinched his own waist.

"If you didn't worry so much, you could gain more weight." Gu Fei said.

Li Yan laughed, "How did I end up buddies with a guy like you, can't even get a nice word."

"Thanks." Gu Fei smiled at him.

The phone still had 9% battery. Jiang Cheng looked at the time and took out a power bank from his schoolbag to charge the phone, then put it back in the bag.

He had already been sitting on the stone pedestal under this tree at the entrance to Li Baoguo's building for two hours. Fortunately he had come after work hours, so not many neighbors passed by.

He could actually go to the rented room. He hadn't thrown away the key to Li Baoguo's place, but to be honest, he really didn't want to be alone in that moldy smelling house. The smell of various strange odors drifting around from time to time because of the long-term lack of cleaning made him very uncomfortable.

A house that clearly had people living in it but lacked vitality, just thinking about it made a person feel uneasy all over, and staying for a long time brought down one's mood.

After another half hour, when he was almost finished with the cigarette in his hand, he finally saw Li Baoguo's figure walking over from the end of the street.

It was quite amazing that just this backlit silhouette, he could recognize it was Li Baoguo.

Li Baoguo walked very slowly. He stopped under the mahjong place and looked up at the second floor, shouting twice. Someone upstairs poked their head out and he shouted something else back and forth. Jiang Cheng heard a "I'll be right over." Then Li Baoguo continued walking this way.

Jiang Cheng put out the cigarette and stood up. Li Baoguo hadn't looked this way yet. When Jiang Cheng stood up, Li Baoguo seemed to get a fright and glanced over here, then froze.

"You're back, huh." Jiang Cheng didn't really know how to start.

"You? Who the hell are you?" Li Baoguo was very aggressive as soon as he opened his mouth, carrying a bottle of liquor. "You, you, you, who are you calling to?"

Jiang Cheng didn't speak, and smelled the alcohol.

Li Baoguo followed up with a cough after speaking to him, an excruciating cough bringing up phlegm from his throat with gurgling sounds.

Jiang Cheng didn't back away and silently waited for Li Baoguo's seemingly intentional or unintentional fit of coughing directed at him to end before saying, "I want to talk to you."

"Talk, heh," Li Baoguo sneered, and spat more phlegm at Jiang Cheng's feet, "So refined, I don't understand this 'talk' business."

Jiang Cheng was silent again.

It wasn't that he wanted to be silent, but with Li Baoguo's attitude, he really didn't know what else to say next, or what the next sentence could be.

Li Baoguo didn't say anything else, coughed some more, then turned and went into the building.

Jiang Cheng circled around the spit on the ground and followed into the building, then into the house after Li Baoguo.

As soon as he entered the house, seeing the dim mess all around, he immediately felt stifled. He went and opened the closed window.

"Quite the nerve, all independent now huh, you've flown away quite happily?" Li Baoguo sat down on the sofa, "Flew by and decided to drop in to see if I was dead?"

"What's going on with your illness?" Jiang Cheng asked directly.

"Oh," Li Baoguo laughed, followed by more coughing, "My youngest has finally realized I'm sick?"

Jiang Cheng only noticed under the light that Li Baoguo had lost a lot of weight, but his face and neck seemed somewhat swollen.

"Lung cancer, late stage," Li Baoguo got up to pour some water from the hot water thermos. The water poured out didn't show any sign of heat. "Only got a few months left. The bullshit doctors wanted me to get surgery early on. I didn't agree. Get surgery my ass! What's the point of cancer surgery! Now they say surgery is too much for my body and to get chemotherapy, bullshit! Just tricking me out of my money!"

Jiang Cheng was speechless. He didn't know how long Li Baoguo had put off this illness, dragging it from early enough for surgery to when his physical condition no longer allowed surgery...

"I read up on it," Jiang Cheng took the kettle from the table and looked inside to make sure there were no spiders or cockroaches before taking it to the kitchen to boil water, "If lung cancer is properly managed with the doctor, your life can be prolonged..."

"Cut the crap!" Li Baoguo interrupted him, "You really read yourself dumb! Your old man can't even sit still to play mahjong now, chest hurts like hell, can't even sleep. And you talk about prolonging, bullshit! You just want to give the hospital money! You're the idiot who will get tricked out of money in the future! If you have so much money why didn't you bring me any!"

Jiang Cheng leaned on the table, closed his eyes and took a breath, holding it in for a long time before suppressing his emotions: "Then what do you think?"

"Let me tell you!" Li Baoguo pointed at him, "I've lived however the hell I wanted my whole life. I curse whoever the hell I want, hit whoever the hell I want! I lived free and easy!"

Jiang Cheng looked at him, unable to find how his words connected with the previous topic.

"You don't need to hypocritically advise me to get treatment either," Li Baoguo said, coughing again. He lowered his head to spit on the ground after coughing for a while, using his shoe to smear it around, "I don't even have money for treatment. All three of my kids are heartless!"

Although his stomach churned and he quickly turned away, Jiang Cheng still glimpsed the blood streaks on the ground.

“You've got medical insurance right?” Jiang Cheng said.

“You think insurance means not paying out of pocket?” Li Baoguo glared at him. “Plus all those meds not covered! Doctors are all black-hearted, prescribing non-covered medicine!”

“Doctors are treating illness, they wouldn't just...” Jiang Cheng felt communication with Li Baoguo was hopeless.

“What did you come here to say today?” Li Baoguo cut him off. “So much pointless chatter, is there a main point?”

“I just wanted to ask about your condition,” Jiang Cheng said.

"I thought you suddenly developed a conscience to give your dad some money for medical treatment," Li Baoguo laughed, "Turns out you just came to find out how long I have left to live."

Jiang Cheng closed his eyes to calm himself.

After a while he opened his eyes to look at Li Baoguo, "Call Li Hui and Li Qian and have them come back to discuss..."

"Don't you dare order me around!" Li Baoguo yelled hoarsely with phlegm in his throat, "It's not your turn to..."

"Shut your mouth!" Jiang Cheng fiercely kicked over the table in front of him and also yelled at him, pointing, "Shut! Up!"

Li Baoguo was stunned into silence.

"If you want treatment, call them back to discuss what to do," Jiang Cheng still pointing at him, "If you don't want treatment anymore, do what you want! Even if I give money, it will be directly to the hospital. Don't even think about wanting money from me to gamble."

Li Baoguo looked at him with an expression that seemed to be laughing and not laughing, as if he had said something ridiculous.

Jiang Cheng ignored him and went into the kitchen. After the water boiled, he poured it into the hot water bottle, then left Li Baoguo's home slamming the door.

He didn't feel much pity for Li Baoguo. He was just afraid that once he left, Li Baoguo would probably immediately forget about the boiling water and hurry out to gamble. Either it would dry up and cause a fire or the water would extinguish the fire and cause carbon monoxide poisoning.

After going out, he walked for a while towards Gu Fei's shop against the night breeze. The messy irritability in his heart finally dissipated a little.  

He turned into the alley and took out his phone as he walked.

A soft whistle sounded from the shadows of the trees along the side of the road. He turned his head to see Gu Fei leaning against the wall.

"What are you doing here?" Jiang Cheng walked over.

"Waiting for you." Gu Fei smiled.

Seeing Gu Fei's smile, Jiang Cheng suddenly felt much lighter. All kinds of complicated, unclear, tangled emotions surged up fiercely.

He went over and hugged Gu Fei tightly.

Gu Fei hugged back, patting his back lightly a few times and backing them into the shadows. "Went okay?"

"Don't know how to describe it," Jiang Cheng knocked his chin hard on Gu Fei's shoulder several times, also turning to nip his neck. "You've been drinking, boyfriend."  

"Yeah, couple beers," Gu Fei said smiling. "Brushed my teeth before coming out, can you still smell it?"

"Obviously it's from your clothes," Jiang Cheng said.

"Then I'll strip?" Gu Fei said.

"Be civilized please," Jiang Cheng clicked his tongue. "Just asking, not complaining about you."

"Heading back?" Gu Fei asked. "I'll take you."

"Li Yan and the rest left?" Jiang Cheng let him go, straightening his clothes.

"They left early," Gu Fei said. "They went to karaoke. I've closed up the shop, and Er Miao went back too."

"Why don't you," Jiang Cheng sighed lightly, "come stay at my place tonight. I don't want to be alone."

"Okay," Gu Fei nodded.  

This was supposed to be a great night, a night full of rolling around, stroking, nibbling, kissing, touching, but because Jiang Cheng was feeling more broken down than Li Baoguo's home, he rolled around a couple times with Gu Fei in bed before losing the desire to move.

"Or I could help you," Jiang Cheng put his hand down Gu Fei's pants. "Let me..."

"Ah," Gu Fei laughed and grabbed his hand. "You're so sad and angry, if I get off from you stroking me I'd feel like I didn't pay you enough."

"Piss off!" Jiang Cheng pulled out his hand and flopped onto his back on the bed. "Fuck! Come over here and rub your Lord Cheng's legs."

"Yes sir!" Gu Fei sat up and propped up one of Jiang Cheng's legs on his own. He gently squeezed a few times. "Lord Cheng, is this pressure okay for you?"

"Keep going," Jiang Cheng waved his hand with his eyes closed. "If it feels good you'll get a reward."  

Gu Fei smiled without responding, steadily squeezing his leg.

After lying there with his eyes closed for a while, Jiang Cheng softly said: "Li Baoguo has late stage lung cancer. I looked it up while waiting for him to come back today. His situation doesn't look good, coughing up blood, his face and neck are swollen."

"Is he not planning to treat it?" Gu Fei asked.

"Mm, that's probably his intention. He said when he came back that he didn't have money for treatment," Jiang Cheng frowned, "and he was even going towards the mahjong place on the street corner."

"What did you talk to him about then?" Gu Fei asked again.

"He still wanted money," Jiang Cheng said, "but I don't think it's to treat his illness. What I mean is..."

Jiang Cheng opened his eyes and looked at Gu Fei, pillowing his arm. "Don't call me an idiot, and don't say I'm a saint either."

"I won't," Gu Fei nodded.

"I was thinking, if he wants treatment, I could go in with Li Hui and Li Qian to pay for it. He has insurance, surgery isn't possible now, but he could still do chemotherapy to control it a bit," Jiang Cheng said. "It wouldn't cost too much..."

"How much were you thinking of contributing?" Gu Fei asked.

"Ten thousand," Jiang Cheng said. "I don't care how much Li Hui and the others pitch in."

"Mm," Gu Fei nodded. "Then you'll have to spoil me more so I can introduce you to some work that won't take up class time."

Jiang Cheng laughed. "That doesn't sound right."  

"What if Li Hui and the rest don't pitch in money?" Gu Fei asked again.

Jiang Cheng looked at him blankly for a moment.

If Li Hui and the rest don't contribute money, he actually hadn't considered that possibility. He wanted to say it was unlikely, after all it was their own father...but on second thought, he felt it wasn't impossible.

"What do you think I should do if they don't pitch in?" Jiang Cheng put his hand over his eyes and sighed lightly. His mind was chaotic now, and he couldn't come up with an answer right away.

"First tell me why you want to give him money," Gu Fei said.

"I don't want him to say I'm ungrateful, don't want to hear him glare at me and say 'your dad, your dad...'" Jiang Cheng said. "Like I said, I really...dislike being accused like that, and after all he is...I can't treat him completely like a stranger..."

"I see," Gu Fei held his hand and gently pressed his palm. "If it were me, Brother Cheng, I'd give that money directly to Li Baoguo, don't worry about whether Li Hui and the rest contribute or not."

"Why, let him gamble it away?" Jiang Cheng said.

"If he really wants treatment," Gu Fei looked at him, "you give it to him, and he'll go get treated himself. If he doesn't want to treat it, you forcibly paying for him won't make him say a good thing about you."

Jiang Cheng didn't respond.

"Let me say something ugly," Gu Fei said. "He's probably already given up, just waiting to die. If you must give it, just give it to him directly, let him eat, drink, and gamble however he wants, at least he can be more comfortable. But don't give it to him all at once, do it in installments of 1-2 thousand at a time."

Jiang Cheng sighed loudly again.

"Also, you have to give him the money in front of Li Hui and Li Qian, mainly Li Hui." Gu Fei said.

"Mm," Jiang Cheng grunted in acknowledgement. "Got it."

Gu Fei didn't say anything else, and continued massaging his leg.

After a little while, Jiang Cheng opened his eyes again. "Gu Fei."

"Hm?" Gu Fei looked at him.

"I need a hug," Jiang Cheng said. "I'm feeling a little scared for some reason."

"Okay, coming up," Gu Fei smiled and lay down next to him, putting his arms around him tightly and patting his head. "There there, don't be scared."

Jiang Cheng closed his eyes.

Gu Fei reached up and stroked his hair. "There there, don't be scared."

"Damn," Jiang Cheng laughed. "Shameless."