Flower, Yet Not a Flower (Part 9)

The question was simply nonsensical, truly the kind of thing a drunkard would say. The Emperor's brows furrowed slightly, his expression turning a little cold, but he still answered him first, “I do. As long as it's you, I do.” He then patted his head and asked softly, “If you are not Chi Lian, then who are you?”

Chi Lian thought for a moment and replied, “An ordinary Chi Lian.”

The Emperor: “...I shouldn’t have even asked. What utter nonsense.”

The place Chi Lian had chosen to drink his sorrows away was the very stone cave where the Emperor had first found him. Outside, the sound of water roared, while inside it was damp and gloomy, with nowhere to properly stand or sit. It was a wonder he could stand it. The Emperor didn't want to just stand there in the cave waiting for him to sober up, so he coaxed him, “Alright, let’s go back.”

The man, who had just quieted down, suddenly pushed him away, stumbling backward and nearly tripping. The Emperor quickly went to catch him but was brushed aside again, as if telling him to stay away. Chi Lian staggered back until he reached the opposite side, then leaned against the stone wall and slowly slid to the ground.

The Emperor stood a few steps away, not daring to move, and probed, “What’s this all about now? Did I say something wrong?”

The back of Chi Lian’s head rested against the hard, cold-angled stone, his eyes still half-closed. “...Not going back.”

The Emperor: “Why?”

“You don’t even like me...” he murmured, “It was because of Chi Lian that you took me back...”

Connecting this to the stone cave, the Emperor finally realized he was talking about their first meeting. He was about to be driven to death by this brat's anger, yet he also found his aggrieved appearance truly pitiful. So he took half a step forward and, holding the hem of his robes, half-knelt. “When did I ever not like you?”

“You’ve never said you liked me.” Chi Lian said, “Leave me alone. Just let me die...”

The Emperor: “...”

For him to be crouching in this wretched stone cave was already a great condescension, yet this ancestor here was completely unappreciative. The Emperor secretly decided that when they got back, he would kick the culprit who taught Chi Lian to drink down to the lower realm to reflect for three months. Meanwhile, he said in a gentle and pleasant tone, “It must be a misunderstanding. How could I not like you?”

Chi Lian: “Don’t ask me. You say it yourself.”

The Emperor: “...”

“Then come here,” he reached out a hand to Chi Lian, coaxing enticingly, “Come to me, and I’ll like you.”

Chi Lian's gaze was hazy like water. He pressed a hand to his head and thought for a while but couldn't make sense of anything. Fortunately, he was so used to being carried around by the Emperor that seeing the outstretched hand, he knew he was supposed to go over. So, he reluctantly scooted forward a little and leaned into the Emperor's embrace, guided by his pull.

The Emperor held him, his hand finding the green jade lotus pendant hanging at Chi Lian's waist. He turned the movably carved lotus a full circle. In an instant, a silvery-blue light flashed, the ground vanished beneath them, and space and time shifted abruptly. They fell from the gloomy, damp stone cave directly into a quiet and elegant bedroom.

The courtyard here was as exquisite and elegant as Jiangxiao Palace. Its pavilions and halls were gracefully arranged, and the furnishings all bore traces of long use, indicating it was a long-term residence. The floral-patterned windows were half-open, and with every passing breeze, the sound of gurgling water could be heard. Outside was a vast lotus pond, the water's surface seeming to meet the sky, its green leaves like waves. This waterside pavilion stood as if in a painted scroll, a part of the scenery itself. Even farther away, mountains were hidden in clouds and mist; the edge of this realm was truly beyond what the eye could see.

The Emperor cast a dust-removing spell on them both, but still felt Chi Lian’s outer robe was dirty from being dragged on the ground. He pulled it right off him, tossed it onto the small couch under the window, and, carrying him, familiarly navigated around the six-paneled floor screen towards the bed.

The bed was wide and clean. The brocade mattress and embroidered quilt were a uniform deep teal. Ivory and gold-inlaid curtains hung on hooks, with only a layered, smoke-like ink-blue gauze drapery hanging down. The Emperor placed him into the soft bedding, but Chi Lian grabbed his sleeve, asking dizzily, “Where is this?”

Previously, the Emperor had told him that if he wanted a more spacious place to live, he would move him to a cavern-manor in the back courtyard of Jiangxiao Palace. But after a hundred years, Chi Lian had grown accustomed to Zhuochen Palace and was too lazy to move. So, the Emperor picked out a Secret Realm from his collection for him. This Secret Realm was independent of the Three Realms, had mountains and water, and was a world unto itself—perfect for a private villa. The “key” was precisely the green jade lotus pendant Chi Lian carried with him.

“Who was it just now, crying and shouting for me to bring you back?” The Emperor, pulled so he couldn't straighten up, braced himself just above Chi Lian, his long hair falling to one side and sweeping across his face. “And now you don't even recognize your own home?”

Tickled, Chi Lian squinted his eyes and looked at him in confusion. “But my home is in Jiangxiao Palace...”

The Emperor huffed out a laugh. Seeing he couldn't get away for the moment, he went with the pull and sat sideways on the edge of the bed, tapping his nose. “At least you still remember something important. Drunk and completely muddled, first running away from home, then trying to end your life... With such a low tolerance, you still try to drown your sorrows in wine like others?”

Chi Lian clearly didn't want to be lectured. Annoyed, he tried to turn his back, but forgot he was still clutching the Emperor's clothes and nearly sent him flying.

The Emperor didn't know whether to laugh or cry, barely managing to steady himself. “My dear ancestor, I'm scared of you. Let go of my hand first and let me get up...”

Chi Lian suddenly stopped turning over. He sat up and stared straight at him. “Where are you going?”

The Emperor: “...”

“I'm not going anywhere.” The Emperor had always known Chi Lian was clingy, but usually, out of concern for his dignity, he wasn't so domineering about it. When drunk, however, he threw all caution to the wind. Suppressing a laugh, the Emperor said, “I’m not abandoning you, there’s no need to be so jumpy. Just lie down first.”

Chi Lian knitted his brows and accused him petulantly, “You just told me to come over. Why aren’t you saying it now?”

The Emperor didn't understand. “Saying what?”

Chi Lian gave him a disappointed look, truly unhappy this time. But when he was sad, he didn't lash out. He just silently moved a little farther away from him, turned his head, and buried it in his arms.

Only then did the Emperor remember what he was talking about. For a moment, he felt his heart clench. It was both funny and endearing. He quickly reached out and pulled Chi Lian back into his arms. “My fault. I just forgot, I wasn't trying to brush you off. You're so good, both beautiful and powerful. Of course I like you, right?”

It would have been better if he hadn't said anything. The words stirred Chi Lian's heart, his mind filling with the story Immortal Venerable Qingyang had told of the Chi Lian who sacrificed himself to fulfill the Emperor's destiny. Moreover, according to the accepted standards of the Heavenly Court, gentleness and compliance were an Immortal Attendant's greatest virtues. But the Emperor never praised him for being obedient and sensible, his intention being not to encourage him to wrong himself to accommodate others. But now, comparing the two, he suddenly realized he was actually craving the Emperor's favoritism, without a single thought for whether the Emperor's Great Dao would be damaged because of it. He couldn't help but feel even more remorseful and ashamed. “No, I’m not good at all...”

The Emperor: “Why?”

The only good thing about Chi Lian being drunk was that he would answer whatever he was asked. He said gloomily, “My insistence on the Emperor liking me will harm the Emperor...”

“Where did you hear this nonsense from?” The Emperor cupped his chin with his fingers, not allowing him to hide away again, and asked faintly, “Who told you it would harm me?”

Chi Lian just shook his head.

His turmoil and struggles could not be told to anyone, nor understood by anyone, nor could they be known to outsiders. If he weren't drunk, he would rather be like a clam, burying this secret in his heart and hiding it until death, rather than using his wounds to beg for anyone's pity or praise.

Anyone else hearing his contradictory nonsense would have just assumed he was having a drunken fit. But the Emperor, as if coaxing a child, stroked his head and said with great patience, “It’s alright. I’ve liked you for over a hundred years, and aren’t I perfectly fine now?”

Chi Lian looked up at him, and the rims of his eyes immediately reddened.

He suddenly lunged forward and hugged the Emperor tightly, as if he had made some kind of resolution, and promised earnestly, “Emperor, don’t like me anymore... It’s okay. Even if you don’t like me, I will still protect you properly.”

The Emperor: “...”

For a moment, the room was silent. Incense smoke curled up from the bronze lotus censer, and only the ‘thump-thump’ of a heartbeat could be heard—it was so loud that for the first time in a long while, the Emperor began to doubt himself: 'Has my heart just been a decoration all this time? How have I never felt its existence before?'

After a long moment, the Emperor let out a sigh filled with emotion. “It wasn't a waste for me to put up with your antics for half the day. You finally said something human.”

He held Chi Lian’s thin back, his chest vibrating as he chuckled in a low voice, “Just for that sentence alone, from now on, no matter if the heavens fall or the sun and moon reverse their course, I will like you the most. How about that?”

Chi Lian was stubborn to a fault, as unyielding as a block of wood. He insisted, “No, it will harm the Emperor.”

“It won't.” At first, the Emperor thought letting him drink was foolish, but now he found immense amusement in teasing him. He said with a straight face, “As long as you also like me the most, it will cancel out. Neither of us will be harmed, that's the logic.”

“What about you? Do you like me, hm?”

When Chi Lian had been pressing him, he was full of righteous conviction, but now that it was his turn, he became a coward, just mumbling a noncommittal “mhm.” The Emperor, however, was relentless. He turned his face back towards him. “Speak. Where’s that vigor you had just now, when you were practically shoving your questions in my face?”

Chi Lian: “...I like you.”

The Emperor: “Like who?”

Chi Lian kept trying to slide down, attempting to escape from his embrace. “I like the Emperor.”

The bed was only so big; where could he possibly hide? The Emperor scooped him back up and gave him a little lift. “‘Emperor’ is just a title. Can it be that you only like an empty name? That doesn't count as truly liking me, and if so, I might get hurt.”

How could Chi Lian dare to let him get hurt, not even verbally? He immediately gave up struggling. “I like you.”

The Emperor mused, “Hm... just a normal ‘like’? According to what I said earlier, I ‘like you the most.’ If you only like me normally, isn’t that a bit unfair?”

He even emphasized the word “most.” Under his earnest gaze, Chi Lian seemed to shrink smaller and smaller, and finally had to promise, “I also like you the most.”

“That's more like it.” The Emperor was finally satisfied. As he removed his hair clasp and smoothed out his long, cascading hair, he said, “Then it’s settled. I like you the most, and you like me the most. From now on, no matter who tries to interfere, neither of us can go back on our word.”

“Okay... I won’t go back on it.”

After talking for so long, the Emperor had finally worn out his drunken fit and coaxed Chi Lian to the point of drowsiness. Seeing his eyelids drooping, he supported his back and helped him lie down comfortably, saying softly, “Sleep for a while.”

He sank into the soft silk satin with peace of mind, and even in his hazy state, he didn't forget to grab his sleeve, trying to keep that person by his side forever.

This was a deep and carefree dream. The floating catkins and wandering threads that had lingered in his mind were all gently brushed away by a hand, leaving only a light, shallow, breeze-like sensation.

It was in this tranquility that Chi Lian opened his eyes.

His gaze fell upon a stretch of smooth brocade. That gentle touch was not a dream's illusion but a real, soothing sensation on his back. He followed the corner of the robe upwards with his eyes and saw the Emperor's elegant profile, and a half-read book floating in front of him.

The scene was hard to describe. It was impossible to say that nothing had happened, because not only were he and the Emperor lying on the same bed, he was even nestled in the other's arms, his hand still resting on the Emperor's waist. Within the brocade quilt, their body heat and breaths mingled, long since indistinguishable from one another. But while he had slept until his hair was a mess, the Emperor had only removed his outer robe and was leaning against the headboard, his appearance still impeccable. Besides, if something had really happened, he wouldn't have had the leisure to be reading a book there.

Sensing Chi Lian’s movement, the Emperor put down the book and glanced down at him, his expression the same as ever. He asked in a gentle voice, “Awake? Does your head hurt?”

It was Chi Lian's first time being drunk. His head didn't hurt, but his reactions were a bit slower than usual. “It’s fine, a little numb... Why is the Emperor here?”

“And you’re asking me.” The Emperor released his hand and said unhurriedly, “You can’t just turn your back and deny everything, Immortal Lord Chi Lian. How can you simply forget what you’ve done?”

Chi Lian shot up with a ‘whoosh,’ looking at him nervously. “Did I offend the Emperor?”

The Emperor was probably in a good mood. He leaned lazily against the headboard and asked slowly, “Crying and screaming, forcing me to admit I like you the most—does that count as an offense?”

Chi Lian: “...”

He seemed to, perhaps, remember a little, but in the next instant, the remembered fragments were so shameful, no less than being struck by five thunders, that he lost the ability to think any further.

“Drinking leads to trouble... I have offended the Emperor. I will definitely quit drinking from now on, I’ll never drink again. Let's just pretend what happened earlier never hap—”

He tried to sneakily roll over the Emperor and off the bed to make a run for it, but the Emperor caught him by the waist and pulled him back, chiding him without any real blame, “What are you running for? Be careful you don't fall.”

“It was just a drunken fit from drinking too much, not a big deal to begin with. Why are you acting like the sky is falling?” The Emperor got up from the bed, making room for him. “Anyway, only I saw it, so it's not embarrassing. It's just that, with your tolerance for alcohol, you should probably mess around outside less in the future, lest you get carried off by someone.”

The Emperor's attitude was natural and calm. Knowing he was thin-skinned, he didn't bring up the past. Chi Lian, feeling guilty, obediently went over to help the Emperor put on his outer robe, then opened the wardrobe to get a change of clothes for himself. Seeing him dressed, the Emperor beckoned him over, sat him down before the mirror stand, and personally took up a comb. He meticulously smoothed out his sleep-mussed long hair from top to bottom, tied it into a proper bun, and set his hair clasp in place. He studied him for a moment in the crystal mirror, and only after confirming there were no askew or messy spots was he satisfied.

From beginning to end, he never explained the reason for his appearance here, nor did he press Chi Lian about why he had suddenly hidden away to drink. At a certain moment, when their eyes met in the mirror, he raised the back of his hand and gently pressed it against Chi Lian's cheek, saying in a tone that was almost casual, “I’ve watched you for over a hundred years. I know who you are better than anyone. Next time you want to drink, remember to tell me beforehand.”

Author's Note:

The Emperor's original setting: A noble celestial god

The Emperor's self-perception: The little mermaid who will turn into sea foam if he can't get Chi Lian's love.