Since things have already developed to this point, with clothes taken off and things that shouldn't be said already spoken, they might as well go all the way.
Xing Yan's heart was pounding, heating up the spot on his chest where Qin Fang's hand rested, right over the star tattoo. Xing Yan brushed Qin Fang's hand away, still feeling a bit uneasy. The deepest, most hidden part of him that he was most afraid to show others had already been seen. There was nothing left to conceal in his heart anymore.
"It doesn't look that great, I did it myself." Xing Yan took his shirt back from Qin Fang's hands and put it on. Qin Fang sat down beside him, turning his head to look at him. Xing Yan said, "I thought it would be quite simple, but in the end I still made a mess of it."
"It looks good, the color is beautiful," Qin Fang said.
"I chose the color myself," Xing Yan rested his hands between his legs, fingers loosely interlaced in a casual but slightly restrained posture. "At first, I always carried that star you gave me in my pocket. It nearly fell out and got lost a couple times. Later, I had it tattooed here."
Qin Fang's voice was still a bit hoarse. He sniffled and said, "So what if you lost it?"
Xing Yan glanced at him without replying, only shaking his head.
Qin Fang didn't say anything more either. The large swath of scars on Xing Yan's body and the blue star over his heart left Qin Fang not wanting to talk at the moment, his heart feeling hollow.
The two of them sat side by side on Xing Yan's bed, well-behaved, neither touching the other, equally silent.
Actually, Xing Yan understood Qin Fang's personality. The current Qin Fang who could corner him in the room, make him take off his clothes, and run his hands over his body - Xing Yan's mind that had been dull for the past two days suddenly became clear.
Looking at Qin Fang sitting beside him, a certain nerve instantly connected. A thought flashed through his mind and Xing Yan quickly grasped it.
The light was too bright. Qin Fang wanted to adjust the brightness. He had just stood up when Xing Yan grabbed his hand.
Qin Fang looked down at him. Xing Yan raised his head to meet his gaze and suddenly asked, "There's no one by your side...right?"
Qin Fang didn't reply. He lightly shook his hand but Xing Yan held on even tighter, eyes locked on Qin Fang. "Is that right?"
"I'm going to adjust the light," Qin Fang smiled faintly and jiggled his hand.
Xing Yan then let go. Qin Fang changed the light and sat back down, exhaling. He stopped beating around the bush, "Yes, there's no one."
His answer was like a knife, cutting the rope that had been suspending Xing Yan these past two days, finally allowing him to land on solid ground.
"I originally didn't plan to tell you," Qin Fang said slowly. "I wanted to see if you would ever speak up, how long you could hold it in, or if you would just accept it if I really got together with someone else."
Qin Fang asked him, "So? If I hadn't told you today and left tomorrow, what would you have done? Just accepted it?"
With Qin Fang's previous answer, Xing Yan felt much more at ease. He shook his head, "I...don't want to accept it."
"Then what were you planning to do?" Qin Fang laughed. "Fight for me?"
Xing Yan felt relaxed now too, no longer needing to consider how to phrase things appropriately. He also laughed, "I at least have to try, right? The things that need to be said should be said at least once. As for whether I can win you back, that's up to you."
"Then why didn't you say anything these past two days?" Qin Fang continued to ask.
Xing Yan lowered his eyes, "The timing was too short, I wasn't very confident."
Qin Fang suddenly laughed, "So your timid and cowardly behavior these two days was all an act, with your real move saved for the end."
Xing Yan also laughed, rubbing his nose. He shook his head, "It wasn't an act, I really was scared."
Hearing Xing Yan say this made Qin Fang laugh for a long time. As he laughed, his eyes reddened again. Noticing he had stopped laughing, Xing Yan turned to look at his face.
Qin Fang turned towards him and raised his hand, placing it on Xing Yan's chest again. He asked, "Does it hurt?"
Xing Yan said, "It's alright. I was focused on trying to make it look good, I didn't pay much attention to the pain."
Qin Fang looked at him, "I meant the scars."
Xing Yan made an "en" sound. He didn't lie, honestly saying, "It hurt. Burns are the most painful."
A kid who shows vulnerability is endearing. With one sentence, Xing Yan made Qin Fang's nose sour. He asked Xing Yan, "Why didn't you say anything?"
Xing Yan had an honest and straightforward air as he said, "Playing the pity card is useless. If you didn't want to pay attention to me, saying it would have been pointless. Playing the pity card and not even getting the desired effect, that's even more pitiful."
Qin Fang should have laughed, but thinking of all the scars on Xing Yan's body, he couldn't laugh. He removed his hand and asked, "Why didn't you call me at the time?"
"I did," Xing Yan rubbed his head. "My phone got damaged in the lab so I used someone else's to call."
They had few calls between them. Qin Fang could instantly recall which day it was. He closed his eyes for a moment. When the call connected, Xing Yan didn't say anything.
Qin Fang didn't want to talk anymore. Every sentence Xing Yan said made him feel bad. The fair and clean pretty boy had left and returned covered in scars. He had lost his parents in a chemical plant explosion. Qin Fang wondered if he had been scared when the lab exploded.
Qin Fang turned and raised his arms to hug Xing Yan.
A long-awaited embrace. Qin Fang's arms were strong, his shoulders emanating a sense of security that one could rely on. Xing Yan buried his face against Qin Fang's shoulder and took a deep breath.
"You even made the call," Qin Fang reached back to stroke Xing Yan's hair, fingers lightly tracing over the short stubble. "When you got hurt, why didn't you say so?"
At the time, they had spoken on the phone for a few minutes about boring, mundane things. Thinking back on it now, Qin Fang only felt his chest tighten.
Xing Yan's voice was muffled against Qin Fang's shoulder, sounding stuffy, "What was there to say...after not being in contact for so long, to suddenly call and say 'I'm hurt, I'm in pain'? It would have sounded very strange. Also, I was afraid you would worry, but also afraid that you...wouldn't worry."
Qin Fang's fingers on Xing Yan's back trembled slightly as he imagined what the wounds from those scars must have looked like at the time. Carrying those injuries while calling him but not daring to say anything, Qin Fang's fingers gripped Xing Yan's hair again, "I only told you to go study so you could think things through. It's not like I abandoned you. How did you get so timid?"
Xing Yan pressed his eyes against Qin Fang, absorbing his warmth. His scent was also captivating.
Xing Yan didn't speak. He really had gotten timid.
At the time, Qin Fang had used a card to sever their connection without even looking back. He was too decisive and resolute. From that day on, Xing Yan felt like he had already lost him.
Originally, Qin Fang really hadn't intended to discuss so much with Xing Yan this time. But with things coming to a head, when Xing Yan came out of the shower the previous night, Qin Fang had noticed with a glance that something looked off about his arms.
Plus, Xing Yan had been wearing long sleeves the whole time without ever rolling them up. While he was in the shower, Qin Fang had taken the chance to check and discovered the truth.
Seeing that battered body, Qin Fang couldn't hold himself back anymore. But the reality of their two-year gap couldn't be erased just because Qin Fang felt heartbroken.
That would be too ridiculous, as if their relationship and the two-year cooling-off period were all a joke, meaningless.
So that night, Qin Fang said to Xing Yan, "I can honestly say, I'll tell you straight up, from the time you left until now, I haven't thought about anyone else. I'm still me. The story you gave me was so good that I didn't want to leave it, and you're worth waiting for. I always believed that you were still there, that you were trying."
He looked into Xing Yan's eyes and said to him, "But I don't want to go through it again, I can't afford to. Two stubborn kids fell in love and got hurt, do we have to bump into it again? If we do, I'll accept it, let's bump into it, but if we break up again, I really can't take it. So either we stay cool, or if we get back together, I don't want to break up again."
Xing Yan listened to him and nodded, "I know."
This coincided with Xing Yan's thoughts. He said, "I was planning to come back and pursue you again. Coming back early this time was an accident. Talking more is useless, let's take it slow and see."
"Ha," Qin Fang laughed and asked Xing Yan, "You want to pursue me? Fang-ge is hard to pursue."
Xing Yan "hmmed" and said with his head down, "It might be easier for me to pursue you than others... right?"
Qin Fang raised his eyebrows, "Why?"
Xing Yan touched his nose, too embarrassed to say something shameless after so long, "Aren't you originally... mine?"
Saying this made both of them feel awkward. Qin Fang choked and coughed, turning his face to the side, "Where did that conclusion come from? It's too early to say that."
"You said you're not single," Xing Yan looked towards the other wall, "Then your... boyfriend, who is it?"
"Why aren't you being timid anymore? I've gotten used to seeing you all timid." Qin Fang laughed, "What does it matter to you who my boyfriend is?"
Xing Yan then stopped talking, staring at the wall on the other side, his heart beating steadily and strongly in his chest. Qin Fang finished chatting, stood up and ruffled Xing Yan's hair, saying, "I'm waiting for you to pursue me, little guy."
A conversation that shouldn't have happened at this time, but since it did, it was like fast-forwarding the progress bar a little bit.
That night, Xing Yan didn't go to Si Tu's room, but slept in his own bed. The two of them, one person per bed, slept quite soundly. In the room, they could hear each other's breathing, which for two former lovers, was both ambiguously alluring and reassuringly solid.
Qin Fang's flight was in the afternoon, while Xing Yan's was early the next morning.
Han Xiaogong hadn't decided when to leave yet. Qin Fang said to him, "When you're free, you can go over to my place and look around, you're familiar with it anyway."
"To go there, I have to wait until it's warm. I've had enough of that smoky smell." Han Xiaogong's face was full of disdain when he mentioned that place.
Qin Fang laughed and said, "The heating has already been turned off."
"I'm still not going, the wind is annoying." Han Xiaogong waved his hand, "Northern men are attractive, but the northern weather is simply toxic to me."
Qin Fang was thoroughly disdained, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
Gong Qi drove over to take Qin Fang to the airport. Before leaving, Qin Fang went to the cemetery to see Si Tu, as he had come here this time to see him in the first place. When Qin Fang left, he waved to him without saying goodbye.
Gong Qi looked at the two people in the back seat and asked, "Are you leaving together? Yan-ge, are you also leaving today?"
"No, he's not," Qin Fang said, "You can take him back later."
"No need," Xing Yan said to Gong Qi, "Just drop us off at the airport and you can go. I'll take a taxi back later."
Gong Qi asked them, "Have you made up?"
Qin Fang didn't say anything, Xing Yan said, "Not yet."
"If it's almost the same, just make up quickly," Gong Qi laughed, "I think it's a pity that you two broke up, I didn't dare say it before."
"I think it's a pity too." Xing Yan said.
Qin Fang immediately laughed and glanced at Xing Yan, who looked serious and didn't seem to be joking. Qin Fang said, "Are you giving up your cool guy persona now?"
"Giving it up," Xing Yan said, "it's not much use anyway."
Xing Yan only left after Qin Fang boarded the plane. Qin Fang sat down in his seat, his phone not yet turned off, and a message from Xing Yan came through.
After changing phones, this was the first time this avatar had a message on WeChat.
Qin Fang clicked to read it, two messages in a row.
- Thank you for not being single.
- Keep the boyfriend position there, I'm coming to take it.
Two seemingly contradictory sentences that only the two of them could understand.
Qin Fang laughed and replied.
- No problem.
I'm Windwalker, your friendly neighborhood translator who loves nothing more than getting lost in a good book. When I'm not translating, you might find me hiking through nature or curled up with my cat. I hope my translations bring as much joy to you as they do to me!
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