Winter again, and the new year approaching.

Before the new year, Qin Fang always comes to see his grandfather and talk to him. This tradition has never changed.

"Why is this winter so warm? I'm losing the winter feeling," Qin Fang blew on his hands and rubbed them together.

As usual, Qin Fang took out a small towel from his pocket and first wiped the tombstone.

"The roads can't even freeze over this year. The snow that falls at night melts by morning. A few senior brothers came from the south a few days ago, saying they wanted to see snow. I drove them around but we didn't see any. There was simply no snow on the roadsides, how embarrassing," Qin Fang said with a laugh, his hand holding the towel turning red from the wind.

"They say it's easy to get sick in a warm winter, and it's true. I've caught colds three times this year, didn't catch any all year and now they're all hitting at once." After speaking, Qin Fang sneezed. His voice was very nasally as his nose had been stuffed up for several days, making it hard to breathe at night and giving him headaches.

Compared to previous years, this winter was indeed too warm, unrealistically warm. People used to the cold actually don't adapt well to mild winters. Every winter they complain about the cold, but as soon as the temperature rises, they all feel something is off.

There hasn't been much snow this year. After the heating comes on, the air gets terribly dirty. Looking up, it's always hazy, and by evening it even stings the nose. It's impossible not to get sick in these conditions, with wave after wave of flu and many hospitalized for pneumonia.

This winter is tough. Qin Fang occasionally thinks of those southerners who once lived here for four years, especially Si Tu. If he was here this year, he'd be coughing all winter.

Qin Fang chatted with him on WeChat last month, asking how he's been lately. Si Tu sent a voice message saying not bad. Si Tu also asked how he was spending the new year and if he wanted to visit.

Qin Fang said he couldn't, that this year he wasn't traveling far and was staying home to accompany his younger brother.

Si Tu told him to come visit when he had time.

After cleaning the tombstone, Qin Fang stood there chatting with his grandfather for quite a while, all one-sided on his part.

Later, feeling a bit tired from standing, he squatted in front of the tombstone to talk, occasionally rubbing his ears and nose. A mild winter is only in comparison to normal - truly staying outside like this, it's impossible not to feel cold. Qin Fang's ears were freezing stiff.

The past two years he's come alone. After Hua Tong's grandma passed away, Qin Fang never let Hua Tong accompany him again, as the scene would sadden him. Going to a cemetery feels different before and after losing a loved one. So no one comes with him anymore.

"Not planning to go anywhere this year, feeling a bit lazy," Qin Fang said with a smile. "I'll come chat with you again in a couple days. I miss you a lot lately. They say kids' memories aren't deep, but it's been over ten years since you left, and somehow I remember you more and more deeply."

Before leaving, Qin Fang put his hands in his pockets, sniffled and said: "I'm off, it's too cold."

Qin Fang sneezed the whole way from the cemetery to the parking lot, one after another.

He suddenly recalled how someone had also sneezed like this on this path before, nose red and miserable. Fed up with sneezing so much, there was even a hint of a frown, tinged with helplessness. Qin Fang's heart had felt sour and soft at the time, swollen and full.

That person had allergies but still accompanied him to visit Grandpa. Upon entering the cemetery, he took off his mask and told Qin Fang to wear it, but Qin Fang stubbornly refused.

At the time, Qin Fang had told his grandfather: "I found a star. I really, really like it."

Qin Fang shook his head with a smile. Time is so unforgiving. How long ago was that?

That red-nosed youth from back then has now become so outstanding, always shining brightly.

They occasionally talk on the phone, though rarely. He seems especially tired and working hard. Extraordinary people are always struggling, and the outstanding often have to give more.

One time when they spoke on the phone, he hadn't slept for fifty hours, and the fatigue could be heard in his voice. In two hours, he had to continue on to another lab. At a time like this, instead of quickly getting some sleep, he made a phone call.

Then they chatted casually for a few minutes.

On the phone, Qin Fang said to him: "Yan-ge, keep going... You're the best, the most brilliant. The hardship is all worth it, keep going."

The other side was silent for a long time. When he spoke again, his voice was hoarse to the point of cracking. He called out an old form of address, but his broken voice couldn't transmit those two syllables. On Qin Fang's end, all that could be heard was a vague breath.

Qin Fang quietly said: "Hm?"

The other side cleared his throat but didn't repeat it. They had always been very in sync, each phone call like old friends. Don't say anything out of bounds, don't cross the line. After crossing it, you might step into a void.

So after the silence, he only used that broken voice to say: "It's nothing, my head is dizzy."

Qin Fang's index finger unconsciously scratched the back of his phone as he said softly: "Sleep. Sleep for an hour and a half, nap for ten minutes, walk for ten minutes."

The other person said: "Okay."

"Mm," Qin Fang laughed lightly. "Go to sleep."

That was Xing Yan at his most muddled. He almost said something. In those silent moments, he must have been deliberating, but in the end he swallowed it back.

Some things can't be said over the phone.

And it's unknown if they can still be said. After all, some things once missed are missed forever. No one can be sure.

This makes even the proudest person cautious.

This winter really has been awful. Even someone with Qin Fang's constitution has been sick again and again. It's only because his health is good that despite catching it several times, it hasn't been too severe.

But with winter clearly almost over and spring about to begin, Qin Fang caught the last wave of severe flu. He was on an IV drip for pneumonia for several days and still running a low fever.

A low fever doesn't affect daily life. Qin Fang still went to class as usual and did what he needed to do.

His advisor is a young associate professor. Sometimes when she's too busy, Qin Fang even helps pick up her child and such. He and his advisor get along very well. She originally had some work she wanted him to do, but when he went to the office and she saw how he looked, she shooed him back.

"Hurry up and go sleep or get a shot or whatever, I don't care," his advisor waved him away. "Don't stand here. I can find anyone to do this little bit of work."

So Qin Fang went back again.

He did feel a bit unwell, feverish to the point that his whole body ached.

His phone rang early the next morning. In the middle of the night, Qin Fang's fever flared up again, and Hua Tong stuck a fever patch on his forehead.

The phone rang for a long time before the vibration woke Qin Fang. It was an unfamiliar number. For a moment, Qin Fang thought it was Xing Yan.

He picked up and said softly: "Hello."

The voice on the other end of the phone turned out to be a girl's, slightly hoarse as if she had been crying: "Is this Qin Fang? This is Gong Qi."

The name momentarily stunned Qin Fang. He blinked and said "ah", then "it's me".

Gong Qi's call was definitely unexpected for Qin Fang. They hadn't privately contacted each other since Qin Fang deleted her contact information. Her sudden call left Qin Fang quickly racking his brain for several rounds, unable to come up with a reason for her to call.

As Qin Fang listened to her speak, after she finished, he was dazed for a moment, his mind seeming to stall. Then in an instant, he removed the fever patch from his forehead and sat up straight.

Gong Qi didn't say much more to him, altogether not saying more than a few sentences.

Qin Fang kept saying "okay" to the phone, and finally said, "Alright, I understand. I'll go today. Don't worry."

After hanging up, Qin Fang booked the earliest flight, leaving at 8 AM.

Hua Tong wasn't fully awake, squinting on the sofa bed and asking: "What's wrong?"

Qin Fang's face was dark and unpleasant. Hua Tong also sat up: "Who called?"

"Gong Qi called, help me ask for leave at the hospital this morning."

Qin Fang had already gotten up, quickly changing clothes, putting on a pair of black jeans and a hoodie. Hua Tong asked: "Where are you going?"

Qin Fang looked at him, quiet for a moment, then said: "Si Tu..."

The two exchanged glances, Hua Tong's eyes slowly widening, brows slowly raising as if in disbelief. Qin Fang lightly nodded, turned and went to the bathroom to wash up.

Everything was very sudden, so sudden it seemed like a joke.

As Qin Fang sat on the plane, he felt like all of this was an absurd dream from his fever-addled mind.

The hot breath from his nose felt scorching on his skin. Qin Fang hoped that when he woke up, he would find that these things really weren't true.

But it was all true.

Gong Qi said on the phone that she had just received the third critical condition notice. She said Si Tu was going to pass...

During the time on the plane when Qin Fang couldn't take calls, the awakening he vaguely hoped for did not happen. Qin Fang turned on his phone as soon as the plane landed and was still taxiing.

He called Gong Qi but she didn't pick up. He called Si Tu's phone again, and this time it was answered by Gong Qi.

She reported the address to Qin Fang and the room number.

Qin Fang found that the questions he wanted to ask, he couldn't find an appropriate way to voice them now.

But Gong Qi understood, she said: "Not yet... still on the ventilator."

Qin Fang said: "Okay, I'll be right there, don't panic."

Gong Qi's voice trembled as she said "Mm."

Qin Fang ran all the way out of the airport, running until his chest felt like it would explode. As he got into the car, his phone rang - it was Xing Yan calling.

Qin Fang was still a little out of breath when he answered. He took a deep breath first, then said: "Hello?"

Xing Yan called out his name.

That single word made Qin Fang immediately close his eyes, brows tightly furrowed.

Xing Yan's voice shook a little. He had probably just received the call, his voice even carrying a hint of uncertainty.

Qin Fang didn't need him to say more, quickly telling him: "Yan-ge, I'm here, I'm already in the car."

They were no longer exchanging shallow greetings and light pleasantries on the phone. Qin Fang said: "There should only be Gong Qi at the hospital, but I'll be there soon. I just asked. I'll make it in time. I don't know what the situation is like either, I'll call you as soon as I arrive. You... don't be scared."

Xing Yan said: "...Okay."

Xing Yan's voice was very hoarse. His voice was a bit too much for Qin Fang to bear. No matter how long their relationship had been on hold, hearing a voice like this still pained his heart.

Xing Yan was too far away. He was really too far away.

He couldn't lend a hand. At this moment, Qin Fang dared not imagine Xing Yan's state of mind, so he could only repeatedly tell Xing Yan "I'm here".

This call from Gong Qi was too sudden for anyone; no one had any preparation. It sounded too much like a joke, even somewhat absurd.

Both their voices were hoarse. Xing Yan said "thank you" to Qin Fang. Slow and solemn, but his voice trembled.

Qin Fang looked out the car window at everything flying past, his eyes still swollen from the fever. He gripped the phone and said to Xing Yan: "Don't thank me, don't say thanks."