To say that Qin Fang understood Xing Yan, he really didn't. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been caught off guard like this.

But to say he didn't understand him, that wasn't right either. Given a clue, he could connect an entire thread. Many things from before, whether he could make sense of them or not, now he understood them all.

The tacit understanding between them meant that Qin Fang didn't need to ask anything more.

From the very beginning, in the future Xing Yan planned for himself, there was never him.

Xing Yan wanted to give him a perfect, passionate love. Xing Yan wanted to give him a dream.

It wasn't time for the dream to end yet, but Qin Fang woke up early. Once awake, he shouldn't look back.

Qin Fang would wear headphones when walking, head down, never looking back.

The roommates took their diplomas and stayed for two more days before leaving. Shen Dengke didn't cry before leaving, but Chen Ke did. They didn't have a farewell dinner - those three words were too unpleasant. Anyway, they had eaten together so many times during this period, so forget the farewell dinner.

The dormitory was suddenly empty, with only Qin Fang left.

Qin Fang spent every day in the study room, his time filled with revision, his mind also filled. When filled, he wouldn't think about many things, and his heart would be calmer.

When Hua Tong had no classes, he would study with him. When he had classes, they would go to their respective classes. They didn't mention Xing Yan much, but if he was brought up, they wouldn't deliberately avoid it either.

When this name was mentioned, Qin Fang was very natural, without negative emotions. He could even smile and say, "Whenever it's time to study, I wish Yan-ge could give me half of his brain."

Xing Yan, this person, the way of addressing him as "Yan-ge" - for Qin Fang, it hurt a little, but apart from the pain, what remained was still good.

He hadn't been back to the old house. Both he and Xing Yan had keys, but Qin Fang had put his key in the drawer and never touched it again.

That little building was too beautiful, everything inside was beautiful - the memories, the atmosphere - these were all things that the current Qin Fang couldn't quite handle, so he wouldn't go, and didn't dare to go.

Cheng Dong sent a WeChat message asking: Fang-ge, want to hang out this weekend?

Qin Fang replied: No time, need to study.

Cheng Dong: Is Yan-ge coming?

Qin Fang said: I don't know, you ask him.

Cheng Dong: Why should I ask? Why don't you ask.

Qin Fang didn't reply after that.

Xing Yan didn't post much on his Moments to begin with, and Qin Fang hadn't posted anything since then either. The last thing in his album was still that pot of walnuts and sugar. The unfinished sugar was still frozen in the fridge at the old house.

After making sugar, the kitchen had that sweet smell for a long time. Who knows if it's still there now, maybe it's already dissipated.

Qin Fang smiled, put down his phone, picked up the pen beside him, and gently twirled it.

Love is so amazing.

Before that day, Qin Fang and Xing Yan were still sticking together every day, inseparable, so sweet it was like falling into a jar of honey.

After that day, they could cut off all contact, clean and neat. The last message in the chat interface was actually the one Qin Fang had sent before: "I'm downstairs, baby."

The record stopped there, with a sickeningly sweet "baby".

Qin Fang had read the chat history too many times these days, reading it from front to back. Xing Yan didn't talk much, but occasionally he would joke around and be very naughty.

For a while, Xing Yan liked to send messages calling him "bro", mocking Qin Fang for always saying they were "brothers" back when he was still half-straight.

These days, Qin Fang had been acting calm, waking up and not dwelling on dreams anymore, looking forward and not back, with a carefree attitude very much like his old self.

How many times had Qin Fang been through breakups before? If it didn't work out, it just wasn't meant to be, so forget it.

It seems this time is the same.

But one night, he woke up in the middle of the night to an empty dorm room. Qin Fang hadn't yet pulled himself out of the dream he just had, and his heart felt empty. Qin Fang took a deep breath, closed his eyes, lay on his side on the pillow, and clawed at the sheets in front of him with his fingertips.

In the dream, he was holding someone in his arms. White, thin, with enchanting eyes. They were lying in that sun-drenched room, on that bed. The person beside him was sleeping comfortably, not throwing a tantrum about getting up, quietly smiling at him, looking beautiful and well-behaved.

Qin Fang closed his eyes, grabbed the pillow, the veins on the back of his hand bulging, his hand shaking with force. He rubbed his face on the pillow, rubbing his eyes hard, then buried his face in it and kissed it very lightly.