Chapter 37

Mom, I'm committing a crime.

He Lezhi saw himself in Han Fangchi's eyes. His mind went blank for a moment, with only this sentence inside. He seemed to have returned to a day more than ten years ago, sitting on the sofa, confessing his heart to his mother.

He subconsciously closed his eyes, one knee unconsciously hitting the ground.

When he opened his eyes again, he smiled as usual.

"I will never, ever leave," he said to Han Fangchi.

Han Fangchi was still staring at him, a questioning look in his eyes.

"I'll always be here," He Lezhi assured him, saying firmly just as he had in the past, "in a place very close to you."

"You won't," Han Fangchi said.

"I will," He Lezhi said.

Han Fangchi didn't want to bring up the past at this moment, nor did he want to break the atmosphere. But He Lezhi's firm tone still made Han Fangchi unable to resist retorting, "You didn't keep your promise."

He Lezhi pressed his lips together, looked at him deeply, and asked, "Didn't I?"

Compared to the intimacy that blurred boundaries ten years ago, He Lezhi seemed to have pushed his friend further away because of a long-term relationship.

To a certain extent, they had indeed grown distant.

But had he failed to keep his promise?

That night, He Lezhi had a dream he couldn't wake up from.

He kept falling in his dream, a suffocating drowning sensation pulling him down, the air in his chest seeming to be squeezed out completely.

He was being watched by a pair of familiar eyes. In those eyes, there was confusion, bewilderment, and a pure attachment.

He Lezhi squeezed his eyes shut and stretched out his hand with all his might, trying in vain to push him away.

But he was still falling.

She was a straightforward girl with a good personality, and she was also warm and kind.

At that time, he and Zhou Muyao hadn't confirmed their relationship, and Han Fangchi wasn't dating anyone either. Given their relationships, He Lezhi was very familiar with both the girls Han Fangchi got along well with and Xiao Yao's girlfriend.

They would hang out together during the holidays, and He Lezhi's easygoing personality made it comfortable for girls to be around him, so everyone got along harmoniously and had a great relationship.

Once, because of a small cat, He Lezhi and the girl were off to one side, a little distant from the others.

"Lezhi, are you and Xiao Hei getting together soon?" the girl asked.

He Lezhi said, "Maybe."

The girl nodded.

He Lezhi followed up on her words and asked, "What about you and Fangchi?"

The girl said, "I don't know."

After a few minutes of silence, she looked at He Lezhi and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Lezhi, but I'm a little bothered by your relationship."

He Lezhi confirmed with her, "Me and Fangchi?"

The girl nodded frankly and said to him, "From my perspective, your relationship is too close."

At that time, because they were in different cities for university, their contact had already reduced a lot compared to high school. Plus, with Zhou Muyao in the middle, his one-on-one contact with Han Fangchi was infrequent.

At the time, He Lezhi didn't offer any vehement rebuttal. Instead, after half a minute of silence, he said sincerely, "I'm sorry for making you feel this way. I'll definitely be more careful in the future."

"I know I shouldn't be bothered, you've been good friends for so many years." Although the girl felt apologetic, she still said frankly, "But I really can't help but be bothered by the fact that you like guys... I'm so sorry, Lezhi, it's rude to say it like this. I feel like you two are like extremely close friends of the opposite sex, and even more intimate than that because you're the same gender. There's a kind of... feeling between you that no one else can break into."

At that time, He Lezhi listened to every word, thought about it seriously, and etched each one into his mind.

That day, he promised the girl who had spoken up so bravely, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I wasn't considerate enough. I promise you'll absolutely never have this feeling again."

After saying that, he seriously added, "We really are just friends. Trust Fangchi."

When he said "just friends", He Lezhi's conscience was clear. He hadn't lied to anyone, nor would he deliberately deceive a girl.

Friendships without boundaries shouldn't exist.

After that, He Lezhi saw several posts on similar topics, and not a single reply would condone the existence of such a friendship, because it simply shouldn't exist.

By the time he met Xiao Quan, he and Han Fangchi had been "ordinary friends" for many years, just slightly closer than most.

But at a gathering, Xiao Quan smiled and told him, "Last time I was talking to Fangchi about you, I said I like chatting with you, and Fangchi said you're his best friend."

He Lezhi's hand, holding the cup, paused imperceptibly. He looked at Xiao Quan and asked her, "Does that bother you?"

"How could it?" Xiao Quan asked in surprise. "Why would I be bothered?"

By this point, He Lezhi had been in a relationship for many years. Although he and Han Fangchi could still be called "best friends," it was no longer something to be bothered by.

Over those years, He Lezhi almost never interacted with his friends privately anymore. He put a great distance between himself and his friends, and whenever they met, it was always with Zhou Muyao. After a long time, he seemed to have forgotten that he once had his own friends.

He passed through these scenes, continuously sinking.

Countless pairs of eyes stared at him, He Lezhi's resounding promise still ringing in his ears.

At the end, when the suffocating feeling swept over him, he landed in his childhood home, curled up in a corner of the sofa. He was seventeen.

The words just spoken seemed to have barely faded, and the room was filled with a scent that was familiar and safe to him.

He buried his face tightly in a throw pillow.

Before him was a pair of eyes that said 'sad'. Besides the bewilderment and the attachment from many years ago, there was also an unnoticed, shouldn't-exist emotion.

...

He Qi sat to the side, looking at him with love and forgiveness.

'I've made a mistake, Mom.'

"Didn't Fangchi come with you?" He Qi asked.

"No," He Lezhi said. "He's been working overtime every day recently."

"Is he that busy?" He Qi said.

"Busy," He Lezhi nodded.

"Did you thank him?" He Qi asked. "Fangchi added so many things to your house."

He Lezhi couldn't help but laugh. "Do I dare to thank him? He'd just make fun of me."

"You can't just take it for granted either," He Qi told him. "You should still thank him."

He Lezhi shook his head and said, "I really wouldn't dare."

The relationship between them was a bit sensitive right now, not easy to describe.

It was neither like the previous way they got along, which was almost like they were living together, nor could there be the slightest bit of polite courtesy.

It was stuck in the middle—unable to move forward, unable to retreat. He Lezhi painstakingly kept it stuck there. For the most part, the rhythm of their interactions was about the same as it had been recently, but the number of times Han Fangchi looked at him in silence was increasing.

He Lezhi went on another business trip, this time for half a month.

During this half-month, he still shared photos in the group chat every day and said goodnight before bed.

One day, Xiao Yao said in the group chat: Lezhi, your birthday is coming up.

He Lezhi thought about it; it was indeed soon.

He Lezhi replied to him: Do you want to celebrate with me?

Xiao Yao: Of course!

But He Lezhi didn't go back. He waited until after his birthday to return.

This time, he booked his flight back and posted it directly in the group chat. It was the flight that landed at nine in the evening.

Lezhi: I'll take a taxi back myself. Neither of you friends needs to pick me up.

Xiao Yao: I'll pick you up!

Lezhi: No need.

When He Lezhi posted in the group chat, it was during Han Fangchi's work hours. By the time he got off work and saw the message, those two had already arranged for Xiao Yao to pick him up so they could go for a late-night snack.

Han Fangchi asked: What are we having for a late-night snack?

Xiao Yao: Barbecue, I guess.

Fangchi: Can I come along?

Xiao Yao: @Lezhi Should we bring him?

He Lezhi didn't dare to say no.

But that day, as soon as He Lezhi came out of the airport, the person he looked up and saw was Han Fangchi.

"Fangchi?" He Lezhi asked in surprise. "Why are you here?"

Han Fangchi took his suitcase and said, "Check the group."

He Lezhi took his phone out of his pocket. He hadn't even turned off airplane mode yet. Once he got a signal and the messages loaded, he saw what Xiao Yao had posted in the group chat: he'd been dragged to a dinner party by his boss to drink with clients.

He Lezhi thought to himself, 'Xiao Yao, you're so unreliable,' while saying aloud, "Well, I can just take a taxi back. You went to all this trouble to come over."

Han Fangchi glanced at him. "Am I not allowed to pick you up?"

"Of course, you are," He Lezhi said with a small laugh.

Han Fangchi was, after all, no longer in his early twenties. He was long past the age where he would silently accept it if He Lezhi wanted to distance himself.

He had been an adult for so many years and had been in two relationships.

There were some things he had never thought about before, but it was impossible for him to never think of them. It was just a matter of time.

Besides, for He Lezhi, the biggest difference between the current Han Fangchi and the one from back then was that he now had a sharp tongue.

He Lezhi had always been the type to find ways to rest once his work was more or less done. But starting last year, he had no objections to working overtime and going on business trips. This year, he had become even more diligent, proactively asking for another job before the Northwest China project was even finished.

Even his boss couldn't bear it and didn't give it to him.

"I'm familiar with the Inner Mongolia area. I was the one who went for that photovoltaic project in Ulanqab last year," He Lezhi said.

"Don't you go. I'll have Xiao Zhou follow up on this one," his boss said.

"Brother Zhou just got married. Can't we show a little human decency?" He Lezhi said with a laugh. "He hasn't even finished his marriage leave yet."

"Then you don't go either. Get some rest," his boss said.

He Lezhi still said, "It's fine, let me do it."

"You're making me uneasy," his boss said, coming over to sit on the edge of his desk and sizing him up. "You're not trying to rush through the work so you can quit, are you?"

"Where would I go!" He Lezhi didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "I'm doing just fine here."

"Don't think I don't know you were asking about registering your certificate elsewhere. Are you planning to register your certificate, then find some cushy place to chill?" his boss said, staring at him. "Don't even think about it! You stay right here."

He Lezhi quickly explained, "I was asking for a classmate! Isn't my certificate already registered with our company?"

"You'd better be," his boss said, tapping his monitor with a pen.

"Don't wrong me," He Lezhi said. "I just want to earn more money."

His boss threw up his arm, calling his bluff, "Oh, give me a break. I haven't seen you this keen on making money in years."

He Lezhi wanted to take on another business trip, but unexpectedly failed to get the job.

He hadn't even put away his suitcase from his last trip, planning to use it directly for the next one, so it was still sitting by the door.

They had arranged to have dinner together that evening. When Han Fangchi came over after work and saw the suitcase by the door, he asked him, "Going on another business trip?"

He Lezhi said, "No."

"Then what's it doing here?" Han Fangchi said.

He Lezhi was washing his hands and didn't think much of it, saying with a smile, "A job in Inner Mongolia. I wanted to go, but the company didn't let me."

Han Fangchi changed his shoes and also came over to wash his hands. He Lezhi made room for him.

"You wanted to go?" Han Fangchi asked, as if casually.

He Lezhi opened his mouth, about to answer, but swallowed his words back down and didn't make a sound.

"So willing to go on business trips now, are we?" Han Fangchi glanced at him in the mirror.

"I... I'm broke from buying the house. I want to earn more project fees," He Lezhi said.

Han Fangchi dried his hands and went out, making an "mm" sound. "If I hadn't known you for over ten years, I'd have actually believed you."