Thief Mountain 1

Fu Lan and Qi Yin stood at the entrance of the town, staring at each other wide-eyed.

"Demon bro, I've already said it for the tenth time, I am not your bride," Qi Yin said helplessly.

"You are," Fu Lan said.

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not..."

Fu Lan was very certain. "You are."

"..." They had just repeated this exchange ten times, and now it was the thirteenth time. Qi Yin was going crazy. He changed the subject and asked, "How do you know I am?"

Fu Lan tilted his head and looked at him for a long while. Under his gaze, Qi Yin started getting goosebumps. Just when Qi Yin thought he had no answer, Fu Lan suddenly took a step forward and pulled him into his arms. Then, there was a warmth against his neck; Fu Lan had buried his face in his neck and took a deep sniff.

Qi Yin exploded instantly, goosebumps erupting all over his body. He shoved Fu Lan fiercely, covered his neck, and retreated far away, shouting, "What are you doing!"

"The scent is right," Fu Lan looked at him. "You are Gouzai."

"Sigh, you child," the Black Cat said. "We looked after you when you were little. Back then, Blockhead was twelve, and you were only four, following right behind Blockhead's butt every day calling him brother. Later, when the demon race invaded the Southern Border, this old man and Blockhead left Wujiang. Who knew this war would be fought for so many years, and your mother also... Never mind, child, since you have no family or relatives in the human world, you might as well come with us. Your brother is now the Demon Lord; at the very least, he can protect you a bit."

"Demon Lord?" Qi Yin twitched the corner of his mouth. "Lord Cat, could it be that you are Yu Sang?"

"Exactly this old man."

Qi Yin didn't know what Yu Sang looked like, but the notice clearly drew Fu Lan's appearance—a pig. Qi Yin looked at the pig's head on the notice, then looked at Fu Lan's fair, clean face, and asked tentatively, "Bro, you say you're the emperor of the Southern Border, are you a pig?"

Fu Lan shook his head.

"Where is your personal guard?"

Fu Lan pointed at the Black Cat: "Him."

"Where are your eunuch attendants?"

"Him."

"Where are your generals and ministers?"

"Him."

"Where are your beautiful concubines?" Qi Yin was speechless. "Don't tell me it's also this cat!"

Fu Lan honestly shook his head. "Not him, it's you."

Qi Yin: "..."

This human and this demon truly had something wrong with their heads. His aunt had said that his mother was once pestered by demons. Calculating the time, it seemed to be around then; it looked like it was indeed these two, without a doubt. But they weren't bad either, just sick in the head. The big one hallucinated that he was the emperor of the Southern Border, and the small one hallucinated that he was the military advisor of the Southern Border. He had also done this sort of thing when he was little, except he often imagined he was the reincarnation of a great deity, preferably the son of Lord Fuxi and Goddess Nuwa. Having made a mistake in heaven, he was banished to the mortal realm, but one day he would return to heaven to be an immortal.

Later, when he went to the academy, he found that nine out of ten children thought they were a great deity's crown prince. Qi Yin felt he wasn't special enough. By chance, he once got lost in the wild woods and came across a stone statue of an unknown wild god. That wild god looked like a white deer. He held up a mirror to that deer face for a long time. Who knew how he saw it, but the more he looked, the more similar they seemed. From then on, he announced that he was the reincarnation of God Bailu. Perhaps there was even a goddess in heaven who harbored a secret crush on him, following him to reincarnate into the mortal realm, waiting for him somewhere in the human world to fulfill a beautiful marriage.

Kids, they were all like that. Everyone wanted to be of noble birth, destined for greatness. Later, he slowly understood that he was just an ordinary mortal. Moreover, he was an illegitimate child; perhaps he was even lowlier than ordinary people.

Qi Yin shook his head helplessly, patted Fu Lan's shoulder, and said, "Even though one of you is a demon-man and the other is a demon-cat, no matter what you are, you need to keep your feet on the ground and work earnestly. Brother, I have no way to repay you for saving my life just now, so I'll give you a few pieces of advice. It's the same as before: find a proper livelihood, don't spend all day dreaming up nonsense and thinking you're an emperor, an immortal, or some demon or monster. You're so handsome; once you have some silver in your pockets, you'll naturally be able to find a wife. Alright, the green hills do not change, the green waters flow on forever. Farewell, and may we never meet again."

"Hey, Qi Yin!" Someone shouted at him from behind.

Qi Yin grew impatient. Did these two stinking demons still want to snatch a bride? He turned around to look, only to see Fu Lan and the Black Cat still standing in their original spots. The silent man in white they had previously seen at the Yao family was unhurriedly walking over, holding a sword. Only then did Qi Yin realize that the voice just now belonged neither to the Black Cat nor Fu Lan, but to this man in white.

Oh no, I fell for it. He had responded to this guy's call, so this guy now knew he was the real Qi Yin.

"This poor Daoist is Yun Zhi. Greetings, Little Junior Brother Qi." Yun Zhi smiled at him. "I've met Martial Uncle Qi before. You look a lot like him, especially your brows and eyes; they're practically carved from the same mold. You could fool that idiot Zhao Ran, but you can't fool me."

These words were like a piece of red-hot iron, fiercely branding Qi Yin's heart. He turned his head and coincidentally faced the red-lacquered pillar of the archway, which reflected his face. The ink-black long eyebrows, the pitch-black eyes... was he the same as that man? He felt disgusted. Putting on a lukewarm smile, he said, "Daoist, there is no need to say more. Anyway, someone is already going up the Immortal Mountain, so just let this matter rot in your stomach. Qi Yin bids you farewell."

"I'm not here to persuade you to go up Wufang Mountain. I just feel disappointed." Yun Zhi looked at him with a smile. "I saw Martial Uncle Qi once when I was seven years old. Martial Uncle stood tall and proud; standing among a crowd of disciples, he was like a crane among a flock of chickens, his brilliance impossible to conceal. Coming here this time, I thought his child would be like him. Even if you couldn't compare, you wouldn't be too far off. I just didn't expect that his son would be this..." Yun Zhi paused slightly, as if thinking of what word to use to describe him, and finally said, "Cowardly."

"..." Qi Yin raised his eyes to look at him. "This benevolent brother, if you have something to say, just say it straight."

Yun Zhi lifted the corners of his mouth, smiling mockingly. He continued, "You didn't even get angry when Zhao Ran spoke about your mother like that. Your mother endured untold hardships to raise you, and I heard she was ultimately dragged into the water by water ghosts. Zhao Ran disrespected your mother, and you actually aren't angry in the slightest?"

Qi Yin took a breath, and just as he was about to say something, Fu Lan suddenly spoke up: "Are you bullying him?"

Yun Zhi was stunned for a moment and looked toward him.

Fu Lan said, "If you bully him, I will kill you."

He didn't have the slightest expression when he said this, as if he were saying something as common as 'Have you eaten yet?' Qi Yin was frightened by him, worried that this fool would actually do something out of line. He hurriedly pulled him back and said to Yun Zhi, "Alright, Daoist Master Yun Zhi, you're right, I am just this cowardly. It doesn't matter how you guys scold me, anyway, this is how I am. I'm unworthy of the title of your Martial Uncle Qi's son. This should be enough now, right? Let us go."

Yun Zhi looked at him for a while, bowed, cupped his hands, and took a step back.

Qi Yin pulled Fu Lan outward, the Black Cat following closely behind Fu Lan's heels. Yun Zhi looked at these two humans and one cat, and suddenly said, "Qi Yin, if I told you that everyone on Wufang Mountain now takes pleasure in making fun of your mother—that if any woman overestimates herself and tries to seduce a Wufang Mountain disciple, she would immediately be ridiculed as 'Meng Funiang'—could you still endure it like this?"

Meng Funiang was his mother; how many years had it been since he last heard this name? Qi Yin's footsteps paused, and he slowly turned his head back.

There was clearly a ball of fire burning in his heart, but the more it came to this sort of situation, the less Qi Yin wanted to move. It was the same that time he squatted under the window and heard his aunt's family plotting. He was clearly furious to death, wishing he could charge in and scold them one by one, but in the end, he had still gone out alone, walking on the slate road and kicking pebbles.

He knew that the people of Wufang Mountain looked down on him and looked down on his mother, but what could he do? He was just such a failure of a person; his father didn't love him, his mother died early, and before he could even propose to the girl he liked, she had already become someone else's concubine. The most he could do was play some petty tricks, like swapping out his aunt's beauty soup so she would stumble upon the family scandal, throwing their household into chaos, and then leaving home without a word to protest. This was his greatest counterattack.

But he hadn't expected that in the end, his aunt's family would be destroyed and ruined. All his heart's joys, sorrows, and anger had landed on nothing. The strange bird, the human corpses, and the blood all over the ground had made him dizzy. He hadn't closed his eyes all night, terrified all night. He just wanted to find a place to sleep well.

"So you immortal cultivators are so great," Qi Yin said, giving up on himself, actually shrugging his shoulders. "I'm just an ordinary commoner, unlike you who can fly up to heaven, down into the earth, and everywhere in between. I also want to press down the head of that bullshit Zhao Ran and say, 'I'll fuck your real father's living mother! What bullshit Wufang Mountain, all of you can fucking go play with your balls!' But can I?" Qi Yin laughed flavorlessly and answered his own question: "I can't."

Fu Lan poked his back and said from behind, "I can."

His impatience and anger finally broke through, and Qi Yin turned his head and cursed, "You shut the hell up! If you speak again, I'll beat you first!"

As soon as he said this, Qi Yin regretted it. Although this fool was annoying, he had saved his life. Seeing Fu Lan staring blankly at him with wide eyes, Qi Yin felt both powerless and sad in his heart, and he let out a deep sigh.

"Calm down, calm down." Yun Zhi paid no mind to Qi Yin's anger and said, "Qi Yin, how about I point out a clear path for you? As far as I know, you have no relatives to turn to. Even if you want to hide, you have nowhere to go right now. If you don't go to Wufang Mountain, there are still other places you can go."

The Black Cat bit Qi Yin's trouser leg. It had no demonic aura, and with an outsider present, it had to pretend to be an ordinary mortal cat. Inconvenienced to speak, it could only signal Qi Yin this way that he could follow them to the Southern Border.

"Forgot to say, I'm not from Wufang Mountain," Yun Zhi hugged his sword, his eyes shining brightly. "My sect's Immortal Mountain is known as 'Fenghuan'. We've always been at odds with Wufang Mountain. My master told me to come and snatch you away. Luckily, Zhao Ran didn't recognize you, otherwise, we would have had to fight."

"Oh," Qi Yin remained indifferent. "Bird Mountain, not going."

"Think about it. When you achieve great success in your divine arts, you can beat whoever you want. I've also disliked that Zhao Ran for a long time; when the time comes, we can put a sack over his head and beat him together," Yun Zhi said with a grin.

Qi Yin walked outward without looking back.

"Hey, Qi Yin," Yun Zhi shouted from afar, "don't you want to know what the Great Dao of Immortality, which your father dreamed of even at the cost of abandoning his wife and child, looks like?"

Qi Yin stopped his footsteps.

Yun Zhi walked up to him and said sternly, "Your mother was dragged away by water ghosts; you were only five then, right? Qi Yin, if you can cultivate a supreme Sword Heart and forge an ever-victorious sword, one day, when faced with difficulties and obstacles, or when your friends and family are in danger, you will have a sword to protect them."

Qi Yin sighed and said, "I don't want to be a bachelor all my life."

"Return to secular life once you've learned it, then," Yun Zhi raised his eyebrows.

The Black Cat was still persistently biting his trouser leg, having already bitten a hole in the hem. Qi Yin's heart was very complicated. What was going on right now? He had actually become a treasure, with everyone wanting him. Yet he didn't feel happy at all. His heart felt stifled, as if weighed down by a large stone.

Closing his eyes, he seemed to see his mother, her face blurred, being dragged into the river by pale water ghosts, while he stood on the shore completely oblivious. Turning around again, the Yao family's monster bird extended from his aunt's mouth, shrieking fiercely at him.

It turned out that if one lacked the strength to truss a chicken, one could only be slaughtered by others. But could a person used to being a swallow or a sparrow truly become a great swan soaring through the nine heavens?

"If I regret it later, can I still come back down the mountain?" Qi Yin asked hesitantly.

"Of course you can," Yun Zhi said. "I'll personally escort you down on my flying sword."

Since he had nowhere else to go anyway, going to that "Bird Returning Mountain" would at least provide a place to sleep and eat. Qi Yin steeled his heart and said, "Then I'll go give it a try."

Just as Yun Zhi was about to rejoice, he looked down and saw the Black Cat still tugging at Qi Yin's trouser leg. Yun Zhi poked it with his sword scabbard and asked, "What's going on with this cat?"

Qi Yin, however, turned his head to look at Fu Lan. That guy was standing by the red pillar of the archway, forming a dark, pitch-black shadow. He remembered that this fellow, just like him, had neither father nor mother, and he couldn't help but feel sad. Perhaps those without parents would want to marry a little earlier, so they could have a warm embrace sooner, relying on each other beneath a silent and chilly roof.

"Gouzai, are you going to back out of the marriage?" Fu Lan looked at him quietly.

"..." Yun Zhi scratched his head. "Uh, Qi Yin, you might have to learn from your father and do a bit of abandoning after messing around."

Qi Yin felt helpless. Bro, although you're very pitiful, you're also a man who tore a monster bird apart with your bare hands. Can you not act like a resentful wife? Also, his name was not Gouzai!

"However..." Yun Zhi lifted his chin towards Fu Lan. "Demon-man, I see your demonic aura isn't heavy. You haven't been on the demon path for long, right? That kid Zhao Ran makes sense; the demon path is malicious and damaging, it's better not to get involved with it. Do you want to go up Fenghuan Mountain together with your lover? As long as you two don't go too far on the mountain and don't let the teachers find out."

The Black Cat had heard the name of "Fenghuan Mountain". It was one of the four great Immortal Mountains, a place that specialized in producing stinking ox-nosed Daoists. Their demons and Daoists were natural enemies; how could they enter the thief's den? But this kid Qi Yin just wouldn't listen to advice. Just as it was feeling anxious, Fu Lan had already spoken up: "I'll go."

The Black Cat was stunned. It turned its head to look; Fu Lan's expression was indifferent, as if he were unaware of the perils of this path.

"What is your name?" Yun Zhi asked.

"Fu Lan."

It was silent under the archway for a moment, and then Yun Zhi clutched his stomach and laughed loudly. "What was your father thinking? Why would he name you after a pig?"

Black Cat: "..."

Fu Lan: "..."