Feel Sorry For Me? Part 1

It seemed as if the heavens knew people's hearts; it was raining.

At just half-past four, Zhuang Fanxin was woken by the sound of the rain. His cheeks were red, swollen, and hot. He didn't dare look in the mirror, so he made a cup of coffee and sat directly at the coffee table.

Last night's plan was to meet Team Leader Cao after work, then come back and finish reading some design materials. In reality, he ran into Gu Zhuoyan, canceled his original appointment, and shamelessly went to catch up with him.

People can never be sure of what will happen in the future. What a truth.

A piece of cake sat on the coffee table, a complimentary gift from the hotel. Zhuang Fanxin had been on the verge of collapse, kneeling outside the door. Later, a waiter helped him open the door and gave him these as a comfort, even asking several times throughout the night if he needed any help.

After finishing his coffee, Zhuang Fanxin opened the materials and started to read. 'Let myself off the hook, and stop tormenting others from afar. I'll just focus on work before dawn.'

The only sounds in the room were the flipping of pages and the tapping of the keyboard. There was no sun on this gloomy, rainy day. It was still dark and hazy at eight o'clock. Typing the last period, Zhuang Fanxin covered his mouth and yawned.

"Hiss..." He couldn't open his mouth wide, as it pulled at his cheek, causing a sharp pain. He had hit himself with all his might yesterday, and it had swollen up immediately. Small, reddish-purple broken capillaries showed on his fair skin, looking quite scary.

Zhuang Fanxin glanced resentfully out the window. If it were sunny, he could wear sunglasses to cover it up, but of all things, it had to rain. He got up, took a shower, and changed his clothes. To avoid being seen by his colleagues, he left an hour early.

On the way, Director Wang from the Advertising Department called. He answered, "Hello?"

"Director Zhuang, good morning. Did you sleep well last night?"

Zhuang Fanxin didn't even know what the other person looked like. He replied, "Very well. Is there something you need from me this early?"

"It's like this, the Advertising Department has a meeting this morning," the person said. "It involves the new promotional content. We must request your attendance to give us some advice."

With half his face swollen, Zhuang Fanxin didn't want to go anywhere. Besides, what was a designer doing getting involved in the Advertising Department's decisions? He said, "I'm just a draftsman. What kind of advice can I give? I'd just be making a fool of myself by showing off in front of experts."

However, the other person repeatedly pleaded, adopting a very humble attitude, as if the meeting couldn't proceed without Zhuang Fanxin's presence. Left with no choice, Zhuang Fanxin had to agree. He hung up and spent the rest of the journey staring irritably out the window.

This dry city was now soaked, free of dust, with only the knife-like north wind growing more piercing.

With nothing to say and nothing to do, Zhuang Fanxin gazed at the passing withered trees and thought of Gu Zhuoyan. He passed a mall that hadn't opened yet and thought of Gu Zhuoyan. The red light turned green, a sparrow flew by, a child wore a bright yellow raincoat—he thought of Gu Zhuoyan, thought of Gu Zhuoyan, thought of Gu Zhuoyan.

It was killing him.

Zhuang Fanxin finally made it to the company. He wrapped his scarf tightly and entered the silhouette building. It was too early; not a single colleague was in sight, and even the security guard hadn't finished his breakfast.

He was terrified of being idle, forcing himself to stay busy, never stopping.

Colleagues from his department arrived one after another. Although Wen Lin wasn't late, he looked exhausted, probably tired from working overtime last night. When he pushed the door open and saw Zhuang Fanxin's side profile, he instantly perked up. "Director, what happened to your face?"

Hitting a sore spot. Zhuang Fanxin said, "An allergic reaction to a skincare product."

Wen Lin asked, "How come only one side is having a reaction?"

"I didn't apply it on that side." Zhuang Fanxin looked up at him, his gaze cold and sharp. Wen Lin was no longer just an intern and an assistant; he was also Gu Zhuoyan's blind date—young, innocent, a person with a bright future.

He was envious, jealous. He averted his eyes. "What did you come in for?"

Wen Lin presented a document. "The buyer's forecast and research report. It needs your signature."

Zhuang Fanxin finished signing just as someone from the Advertising Department came to get him. He stood up to leave, casually instructing Wen Lin, "Book a table. I'll go straight to lunch after my meeting."

Wen Lin asked, "Director, for how many?"

"Two." Zhuang Fanxin enunciated each word. "Me, and, you."

Wen Lin's eyes widened in surprise. 'Is he ending my probation period early and this is a farewell meal? Or does he appreciate me... and wants to spend some time alone with me?'

By this time, Zhuang Fanxin had already reached the Advertising Department. The conference room was full of people, all of them looking bright and glamorous. Among them, Cheng Jiama was the most graceful. Zhuang Fanxin ignored the swelling and pain in his cheek, smiled to reveal a few neat white teeth, and took a seat graciously. "What meeting is so important that Manager Cheng has to attend?"

Cheng Jiama said shyly, "I'm not the important one. You're the star of this meeting, Director Zhuang."

Zhuang Fanxin was confused, but his smile didn't fade. He stared at Director Wang, seeking an explanation. Just then, the projector screen lit up, displaying a set of design works. It was Zhuang Fanxin's award-winning design from a competition in London before he returned to the country, No. 7 Rock Core.

The Advertising Department's idea was that Zhuang Fanxin had a rich portfolio of representative works over the years, and with the fresh, new "No. 7 Rock Core" series, they might as well make use of it by shooting an advertisement featuring Zhuang Fanxin as the main character.

It would serve as both an official announcement of silhouette recruiting Zhuang Fanxin as the Design Director and as a promotional ad, using Zhuang Fanxin's personal strength and resume to boost the brand. It was mutually beneficial, a perfect solution.

Zhuang Fanxin finally understood why they had insisted he come. After hearing the plan, Director Wang asked him how he felt. The whole room looked at him, waiting for his response.

The draft was drawn up, the script designed, and the entire ad's description was meticulously prepared. This meeting wasn't to invite his opinion, but to act first and report later. They weren't asking if he could do the shoot, but waiting for him to reply at this very moment that shooting it this way was great.

Zhuang Fanxin was being forced into a situation he couldn't handle. He didn't like being in the limelight. As a designer, he only wanted recognition from within the industry; it was his works that needed to be pushed to the public.

Now that everything was ready, refusing would be ungracious. 'Fine,' he thought. He nodded and said, "I can cooperate."

Zhuang Fanxin had given them face up to this point. He then lowered his head to play on his phone, looking at maps—he still hadn't memorized the route from the hotel to the company after several days of work—and then browsed review sites, looking at ratings for restaurants and entertainment.

The meeting ended close to noon. Zhuang Fanxin took Wen Lin directly to lunch at a restaurant near the company. His intentions were not on the food, and Wen Lin was also inexplicably nervous. The two grown men ordered just two plates of green salad.

"Director," Wen Lin spoke first. "Did I make a mistake?"

Zhuang Fanxin said, "You know best whether you've made a mistake or not. Do you have a guilty conscience?"

Wen Lin said in a panic, "No! You're so aloof, suddenly asking me to lunch is scary!"

Zhuang Fanxin smiled. After a few bites of salad, he wiped his mouth and said, "Yesterday, were you supposed to meet someone at Weijing Restaurant?" He wanted to say it all in one go to get it over with. "You gave me the wrong room number. I met the person you were supposed to meet."

Wen Lin slapped his forehead. "I was too excited about getting the design yesterday, I'm sorry. I didn't delay your meeting with Team Leader Cao, did I?"

"It's fine." Zhuang Fanxin held a glass of water. "Actually, the person you were meeting—"

Wen Lin interrupted, "Is he handsome?"

Zhuang Fanxin forgot what he was about to say. The image of Gu Zhuoyan's current appearance—more mature and steady, handsome and tall—flashed in his mind. He, in turn, felt guilty. "Handsome. Very handsome."

Wen Lin asked again, "Taller or shorter than me?"

A thought stirred in Zhuang Fanxin's mind, and he couldn't help but be despicable for a moment. "You don't even know what the person you're meeting looks like?"

"Our parents know each other, and our families have some business cooperation," Wen Lin said, as if it were difficult to bring up. "...We haven't met yet."

Naturally, he wouldn't spell out that it was a blind date, but Zhuang Fanxin understood. He vaguely remembered Gu Zhuoyan saying last night that he would try to make it work this time. "Xiao Wen," he said, beating around the bush. "The company is so busy, do you still have time for romance?"

Wen Lin said, "I don't know. Anyway, I'm not in a hurry."

Zhuang Fanxin instantly sobered up. What was he doing? Probing the enemy out of jealousy, trying to know himself and his enemy? The other guy hadn't even met Gu Zhuoyan. He was a past tense from ten years ago, an asshole ex, a complete outsider. Why should he be in a hurry, and what right did he have to be?

He had no right.

Back at silhouette, Zhuang Fanxin sank into his chair in a daze. He restrained himself from thinking about other things, but he couldn't stop thinking about Gu Zhuoyan. From the second he met Gu Zhuoyan again, his world had been thrown into chaos, and there was no turning back.

He needed to talk to someone, but he didn't know if Pei Zhi was free. After a while, unexpectedly, Pei Zhi messaged him first, asking how he'd been these past few days.

Zhuang Fanxin replied that everything was fine. After a few sentences, the stiffness in his words was palpable. He changed his tune, "I feel a bit bored."

Pei Zhi sent a list of good places for saunas, karaoke, movies, and exercise, telling Zhuang Fanxin to balance work and rest.

In the floor's emergency stairwell, Wen Lin was calling Gu Zhuoyan. "Brother Yan, it's me. I'm really sorry for standing you up yesterday."

Gu Zhuoyan replied, "It's fine."

"Are you free tonight then?" Wen Lin asked. "What do you want to eat? My treat."

Gu Zhuoyan chuckled, "Tonight's not convenient. I have to work overtime. Let's reschedule."

After hanging up, Gu Zhuoyan got back to work. He had a contract to go over with the legal consultant. He coughed occasionally, his voice hoarse—all a consequence of last night's smoking.

It was still early after reviewing the contract. A subsidiary company had a property development preparing for its launch, so he drove over to check on it. He got off work on time in the evening, and the moment he was on the road, he ripped off his tie.