His Royal Uselessness

本王，废物

his-royal-uselessness

Chapter 5

Ji Weiqiu had originally thought that the tattling note he sent back would at least make his older brother suffer for a couple of days—although his brother would kill gods and buddhas who stood in his way, he still couldn't bring himself to act against his own loving old mother. Since he couldn't act, he'd probably just have to endure a scolding. Who would have thought that before he even woke up the next day, he would hear someone shouting something outside.


 Seeing that he had been disturbed, an attendant bowed from behind the curtain and reported, "Reporting to the Prince, the Empress Dowager has sent rewards."


 Ji Weiqiu's brain was still sluggish. It took him a few seconds to grasp the meaning. He rolled over and sat up. Several attendants, with silent steps, tied back the curtains on all sides. Another attendant came forward to drape his robes on him and help him with his shoes. He walked to the window, took one look, and immediately felt a headache coming on.


 One must know, they were still on a ship! In the middle of the canal! His old mother had actually sent ships to catch up to them, moving case after case of things for him. The things were secondary; it seemed his old mother had sent him a whole ship full of people.


 "Yun Yin?" Ji Weiqiu thought he saw a familiar person.


 The palace maid directing the people in the crowd looked up and quickly approached. Although she walked fast, she was still very elegant. She performed a curtsy: "This servant, Yun Yin, pays her respects to Your Highness."


 Ji Weiqiu said, somewhat stunned, "Sister Yun Yin, why have you come?"


 This was no obscure figure. She was the Female Scribe by his Mother Empress's side who wielded the Phoenix Seal on her behalf, a genuine first-rank Palace Commandery. This female official, Yun Yin, managed all affairs of the inner palace.


 Yun Yin smiled and said, "Her Majesty is benevolent. Taking pity that this servant has not left the Imperial Palace in a long time, she specially ordered this servant to follow Your Highness to broaden my horizons."


 Yun Yin entered the palace at the age of six and began serving the Empress Dowager at ten. She had now spent thirty years of her life in the palace.


 "Then, Sister, please continue with your work. It's not too late to find me after you've rested." Ji Weiqiu nodded and, turning his head slightly, ordered, "Treat her with full respect."


 The attendants present all replied respectfully, "Yes."


 After thanking Ji Weiqiu, Yun Yin continued with her work. Ji Weiqiu, for his part, went to wash up and change. By the time he was more or less ready, Yun Yin happened to arrive and request an audience. Yun Yin entered by herself, and as soon as she was in, she dismissed all the attendants. After bowing to Ji Weiqiu, she said, "Her Majesty has a message. Your Highness may remain seated and listen."


 Ji Weiqiu was still holding his chopsticks. Yun Yin had already stepped forward to place food on his plate. After serving him two or three dishes, she stood respectfully to the side and said gently, "Your Little Highness, Her Majesty says that the Emperor has his own plans. Since the Emperor has not given Your Highness any instructions, it means there is nothing to worry about. Please do not let your imagination run wild, lest you damage the bond between brothers."


 Ji Weiqiu slowly ate a pumpkin bun. Only after swallowing did he ask, "Did Mother Empress not say anything else?"


 Yun Yin smiled and shook her head. Ji Weiqiu then looked at her curiously and asked, "Did Mother Empress not even go ask my Imperial Elder Brother?"


 This was his tactful way of putting it. In reality, he wanted to know if his old mother had gone to scold his older brother.


 "No, Her Majesty said that it is only right for an older brother to protect his younger brother." Yun Yin smiled and shook her head again. Ji Weiqiu, somewhat disappointed, lowered his head and continued to gnaw on his pumpkin bun. Seeing this, Yun Yin couldn't help but chuckle. She said softly, "Her Majesty is truly worried about Your Little Highness and wishes she could have come herself, but she had to abandon the idea due to her esteemed health. Her Majesty's heart is with Your Highness, so she specially sent this servant to attend to you."


 Ji Weiqiu couldn't help but smile. "Mother Empress dotes on me."


 Who would have thought Yun Yin's next words would strike Ji Weiqiu like a lightning bolt. Yun Yin pursed her lips and said in a low voice, "Her Majesty has another order... Jiangnan is a land of outstanding people. If Your Little Highness should see any peerless beauties during the journey, you need only tell this servant to draft an edict and bring them back to Yanjing."


 Ji Weiqiu stared blankly at Yun Yin. "...Huh?"


 Yun Yin said cryptically, "Perhaps they might receive an immense fortune?"


 Ji Weiqiu felt he understood. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "...Then they might as well do me in! Isn't Mother Empress making things difficult for me? I don't dare! Sister Yun Yin, for the sake of the bond between us, you should just go back!"


 His older brother, Ji Su, had been on the throne for ten years. The harem was empty, and the position of Empress was vacant. A few years ago, the court officials still dared to suggest that his brother instate an Empress. Even Prime Minister Gu had subtly mentioned that if there was a beloved woman whose status was not quite presentable, she could be given a new identity and installed as Empress all the same... His brother ignored the issue completely. When it annoyed him, he would just kill a couple of the people who raised it.


 Later, he seemed to have vaguely heard a rumor that his brother had been injured at his core during the struggle for the throne ten years ago and had become impotent... and the like. There was another rumor that his brother, like their imperial father, was devoted to Buddhism and Daoism, cultivating his character and showing no interest in women... In any case, ever since he heard these two rumors, he had never again heard of any court officials submitting memorials asking the Emperor to fill the harem.


 He figured that the court officials had tacitly accepted it after hearing these two rumors and didn't dare to pluck the whiskers from his brother's tiger snout again. In any case, with Ji Weiqiu, the late emperor's second legitimate son, and imperial clansmen like Ji Wu and Ji Liu, there was no fear of having no successor.


 As for whether these rumors were true... Ji Weiqiu didn't know, and he didn't dare to ask! With his brother's face, who would dare ask him directly, 'Do you have a hidden ailment'?! Who would be that brave? They must not want to live anymore, along with their entire clan, right?! Whoever dared to ask, never mind their nine generations, even the eggs in their house would be shaken until the yolks broke.


 And today, his Mother Empress was telling him to search for beauties to send to his brother to fill the harem? Did his old mother think he was living too comfortably?! Huh?!


 Perhaps Ji Weiqiu's expression was too strange, for Yun Yin explained, "Her Majesty also had this in mind... Since Your Highness has no intention of marrying, it would be good to have people in your rear courtyard to attend to you. Watching the songbirds and dancing swallows is a fine sight, is it not?"


 So that's what she meant... In short, beauties were to be brought back, and it didn't matter which of the two brothers kept them.


 Ji Weiqiu muttered, "Why is it that in Mother Empress's eyes, both of us brothers are like lechers starved for women?"


 Yun Yin had to suppress her laughter again and again. She said, "Her Majesty predicted His Little Highness would say this. Her Majesty said she wishes you two brothers were both lechers starved for women. That would be better than her being lonely in the palace. At her age, when one knows the will of heaven, let alone doting on grandchildren, she has not even seen a single daughter-in-law."


 Ji Weiqiu: "..."


 It seemed his old mother had no hope in this lifetime then. There was no hope for his older brother. Waiting for him to see the light would be like waiting for an old tree to blossom; the term 'lonely monarch' wasn't just for show. As for himself, he was gay. He wondered if his old mother would be disgusted if he brought a male daughter-in-law back?


 He figured that probably wouldn't work either...


 Ji Weiqiu waved his hand, signaling for Yun Yin to withdraw. Yun Yin, being tactful, did not ask if she should go back—if she didn't ask now, she could stay on the ship without blame. If she did ask, and His Little Highness insisted she return, would she go back or not?


 ......


 That night, two more pigeons flew back to Yanjing.


 Ji Su saw that Qingxi had delivered the letters. He read the one from the Qingxuan Guard and found its contents rather bizarre. It said that after the Prince of Rui met with Palace Attendant Yun, he had been muttering to himself about 'beauties,' 'blue...' and the like. The Qingxuan Guard did not dare approach to listen closely.


 Ji Su frowned slightly, somewhat displeased. Ji Weiqiu had always been unreliable; was it necessary to record such a trivial matter?


 He couldn't be bothered to read Ji Weiqiu's letter and tapped the table, signaling for Qingxi to send it to Ci'an Palace. But Qingxi said, "Won't the Emperor take a look? If this is sent to Ci'an Palace, Her Majesty will not be able to sleep well."


 Ji Su frowned, but in the end, he opened Ji Weiqiu's letter and glanced at it. This time, the letter was written in tiny, fly-head-sized characters. The first two sentences were still the proper 'The journey is smooth, respectfully inquiring after Your Majesty's well-being.' What followed was: 'Mother Empress has ordered this subject, your younger brother, to search for beauties in Jiangnan and present them to my Imperial Elder Brother to fill the harem. On such an important matter, your younger brother dare not act on his own authority. I request my Imperial Elder Brother to decide.'


 Ji Su's eyes were long, narrow, and deep. Amidst the candlelight filling the hall, a slight movement of his brows caused a clear light to flash and disappear. He pressed the note onto the table and tapped it, suddenly understanding the message from the Qingxuan Guard. He then sneered, "Burn it."


 Eunuch Qingxi boldly asked, "Then, regarding His Little Highness..."


 Thinking of the 'beauties,' 'blue...' Ji Su sneered again. So that was the key. He said coldly, "Tell the Prince of Rui that if he handles this matter well, We shall reward him. If he does not, he can wait to receive his punishment upon his return."


 Seeing Ji Su's expression, Eunuch Qingxi did not dare to say another word in his defense, merely saying, "Yes."


 What on earth had His Little Highness said to make the Emperor so angry!


 The next day, when Ji Weiqiu received the message, he couldn't help but purse his lips. If his brother was unhappy, so be it. If he had the guts, he shouldn't take it out on him! Go talk to Mother Empress! He wanted him to do it, right? Fine, he'll do it! He'll do it openly and grandly, and when the time comes, send them straight into the palace. Let's see what he does then!


 As it happened, Ji Liu was wandering about outside, enjoying the breeze. Ji Weiqiu whistled. "Come, come, quick! I have something to tell you!"


 Ji Liu's expression was one of someone who had caught wind of something. He hurried over and asked, "What is it? Is there news?"


 Ji Weiqiu nodded, pulled him into the room, and said in front of all the attendants, "My eyes have truly been opened... Mother Empress told me to select some beauties for my Imperial Elder Brother. I thought, I don't dare handle such a matter, so I sent a carrier pigeon back to ask my Imperial Elder Brother. And guess what?"


 Ji Liu's eyes widened. "What was the reply? Is there news?"


 He saw Ji Weiqiu acting all mysterious. "...Ai, why are you being so secretive? Just hurry up and say it!"


 Ji Weiqiu snapped open his folding fan, covering half his face. Understanding the unspoken cue, Ji Liu leaned in close and heard him say, "It's incredible! My Imperial Elder Brother actually said if I do a good job, there will be a reward!"


 Ji Liu: "...Is this true?!"


 "How would I dare to falsely transmit an Imperial Edict?!"


 ......


 Less than two hours later, Zhang Er arrived. He stammered, "Your Highness, look, we've been friends for so long. Can you give me a little hint?"


 Ji Weiqiu said, "What is it? Go on."


 Zhang Er nudged Ji Weiqiu's arm and asked in a low voice, "I have a younger sister, you've seen her, right? As beautiful as a flower, very prim and proper. Do you think my sister could... hmm? You know!"


 ......


 Another day passed. Ji Su, who had not been troubled by matters of the harem for a long time, once again began to receive a flurry of memorials, like snowflakes, requesting him to instate an Empress and fill the harem.

His Royal Uselessness

His Royal Uselessness

Chapter 5 - Chapter 5

Skye