Suspicion

But Zhuang Yihan obviously didn't think so. In his heart, helping just enough was for outsiders. Of course, he couldn't be so stingy with his own family. He spoke in a low voice, "Chen Shu..."

Chen Shu responded casually, "Hmm?"

Zhuang Yihan: "I've said it before, I'm serious about you. I want you to seriously consider the relationship between us. How has your consideration been coming along?"

The question came a bit suddenly, and Chen Shu didn't react for a moment.

Seeing him remain silent, Zhuang Yihan's lips uncontrollably pressed into a thin line. He asked nervously, "Is there something about me that's not good enough?"

Chen Shu cleared his throat. "No, you're great."

Zhuang Yihan: "So you've agreed to be with me?"

Chen Shu: "I didn't say that."

Zhuang Yihan: "Then what will it take for you to agree?"

Chen Shu: "..."

Even with his quick thinking, Chen Shu was momentarily stunned by Zhuang Yihan's method of questioning until he got to the bottom of things. He came back to his senses a beat later, faintly raising an eyebrow, and couldn't help but find it a little amusing. "Is this how you usually conduct business, President Zhuang?"

Zhuang Yihan didn't react for a moment. "Like what?"

Chen Shu said with an ambiguous tone, "The pestering and unreasonable kind."

Zhuang Yihan: "..."

Zhuang Yihan had lived for three entire lifetimes, and this was the first time he'd ever been called pestering and unreasonable. His eyelid twitched at the words, and he was choked speechless. But facing Chen Shu's faint, unreadable smile, he held it in for a long time but couldn't utter a single word of rebuttal. In the end, he could only fall silent in frustration.

Zhuang Yihan turned his head to look out the car window, his voice muffled, as if trying to salvage the situation. "I was just joking with you."

Chen Shu started the car again and hummed calmly. "I was joking with you too."

But this didn't seem to soothe Zhuang Yihan's dejected mood. He seemed unusually quiet, keeping his head down for the rest of the drive without saying another word.

Chen Shu had originally planned to drop him off downstairs and leave, but seeing Zhuang Yihan sitting quietly in the passenger seat, his profile looking thin and pale in the shadows, he paused for a moment and took the initiative to say, "I'll walk you upstairs."

Zhuang Yihan glanced at him, as if suspecting he had misheard.

Chen Shu repeated softly, "Let's go."

Upon hearing this, the other man finally seemed willing to open the door and get out. Chen Shu locked the car and followed behind. He had clearly been to this place countless times, but it felt different every time he came, a complex feeling that was hard to describe.

Zhuang Yihan walked ahead without looking back. He looked down at their shadows, infinitely stretched and merged together by the streetlights, and was inexplicably reminded of how they used to walk home together like this in their past life. An inexplicable tightness filled his chest.

Past life...

Past life?

Suddenly, Zhuang Yihan seemed to remember something. He stopped abruptly and turned to look at Chen Shu, his gaze filled with a longing yet disbelieving hope. His voice was so hoarse with nervousness that he could barely speak:

"Chen Shu..."

"You... how do you know where I live?"

He clearly hadn't had the chance to tell Chen Shu his address in this life.

Could it be that he has really returned?!

This speculation made Zhuang Yihan's heart leap into his throat.

However, Chen Shu merely gave him a faint glance, seemingly puzzled as to why Zhuang Yihan would ask such a strange question. "The car has automatic navigation."

That sentence was like a basin of cold water, drenching Zhuang Yihan to the bone in an instant. He stared blankly at Chen Shu, feeling an indescribable sense of familiarity from the person before him. Still unwilling to give up, he asked, "Are you really not..."

Chen Shu asked in return, "Not what?"

His gaze was calm, tinged with a hint of confusion, as if he genuinely didn't understand why Zhuang Yihan was being so unusual.

"..."

Zhuang Yihan didn't speak again. The cold night wind chilled him to the bone. It wasn't that he hadn't suspected that Chen Shu had truly returned, but the other man showed no reaction to his probing or questions. He couldn't figure out the reason behind it.

Or perhaps, Zhuang Yihan was unwilling to delve deeper into why Chen Shu, if he had truly returned, would pretend not to know him.

That answer would send someone who had barely survived back to hell, doomed for all eternity.

After a long while, Zhuang Yihan finally spoke, forcing a smile. "It's nothing. It's quite cold outside, let's go upstairs."

It was still the same thought: as long as the person before him was Chen Shu, that was enough. As long as it was Chen Shu, nothing else was worth hoping for, nor did it matter anymore.

The two of them were silent all the way up in the quiet elevator.

"Since you're already here, why don't you come in for a cup of tea?"

Zhuang Yihan opened the door with his fingerprint, not looking back, saying this with his back to Chen Shu. In his heart, he didn't really hold much hope.

To his surprise, Chen Shu agreed. "Alright."

Zhuang Yihan froze at his words and turned back in surprise to look at Chen Shu, only to see the other man smile. "Weren't we going to have tea? What are you doing standing at the door?"

He seemed to have noticed that Zhuang Yihan was in a bad mood and was patiently coaxing him.

This realization made Zhuang Yihan's eyes redden again. He got a pair of slippers for Chen Shu, using the motion of lowering his head to hide his expression, and said in a hoarse voice, "Make yourself at home. I'll go make you some tea."

But where would there be tea at home? There was only coffee and alcohol. Zhuang Yihan hesitated in front of the liquor cabinet for a long time before finally choosing a smooth whiskey and pouring a glass for himself and Chen Shu. However, when he carried the two glasses to the living room, he saw the other man sitting in front of that Steinway Piano. The familiar scene, the familiar back, made his heart suddenly leap.

Zhuang Yihan unconsciously held his breath and walked over quietly, his voice low, hiding a nervousness only he knew. "Do you like playing the piano too?"

However, Chen Shu just casually played a few notes, shook his head, and said unexpectedly, "I don't."

After speaking, he turned to look at Zhuang Yihan, took the glass from his hand, and raised it slightly in a toast. He was extremely elegant, but his overly exquisite features made him seem cold. Coupled with that faint, unreadable smile, a hint of his roguish nature was inadvertently revealed. "I'm not very interested in this kind of high art."

If it weren't for Zhuang Yihan, he probably would have never touched something like a piano in several lifetimes. But it wasn't a bad thing to have learned it, or so Chen Shu thought to himself.

Zhuang Yihan was stunned for a moment upon hearing this, only then belatedly remembering that whether it was the piano or painting, they were all things he had made the other learn for what he thought was his own good. The other person probably didn't like it; he had only worked hard to learn them to make him happy.

Some things, he had actually been well aware of for a long time, but when they were truly laid bare, it was still heart-wrenching.

Zhuang Yihan suddenly felt unsteady on his feet. He grabbed Chen Shu's shoulder and slumped powerlessly onto the piano bench. Then, he closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and downed the whiskey in his glass with a frown.

"Heh, what high art..."

Zhuang Yihan choked on the alcohol and coughed, but he let out a low laugh filled with endless sarcasm and self-mockery. He hadn't built up his alcohol tolerance in this life yet, and when he got drunk, he even let slip a few curses:

"It's all fucking bullshit!"

Zhuang Yihan cursed through gritted teeth. At that moment, he might have been thinking of Jiang Xi. As he stared coldly at the floor, he couldn't stop a hint of ruthlessness from showing, and his body even trembled slightly.

Seeing this, Chen Shu paused and reminded him calmly, "You're drunk."

But Zhuang Yihan let out a self-deprecating laugh and looked at him with red eyes. "I'm not drunk. I'm very sober. Chen Shu, I've never been this sober before, did you know?"

"But the more sober I am, the more painful it is..."

He never knew that being reborn alone with his memories would be so painful. Zhuang Yihan could even accept the fact that his enemies had disappeared and let go of that blood debt, but the one thing he couldn't accept was that Chen Shu had forgotten him.

The alcohol went to his head, and his actions spun out of control.

Zhuang Yihan couldn't stop himself from reaching out to cup Chen Shu's face, then kissing him messily in the dark. When their lips touched, all he could taste was bitter alcohol and salty tears. He repeatedly murmured in a low voice, "Chen Shu... Chen Shu..."

"Kiss me... okay?"

"You used to love hugging me... why don't you hug me anymore..."

"I was a fucking asshole before... You can curse me... you can hit me... but just don't ignore me, okay..."

Zhuang Yihan's kisses were urgent and frantic. In the end, he pressed his forehead hard against Chen Shu's and started unbuttoning his shirt, as if he had to prove something through some kind of intimate, negative-distance act to gain a sliver of peace of mind.

Chen Shu frowned and held his hands, reprimanding in a low voice, "Zhuang Yihan, calm down!"

Zhuang Yihan's movements paused at his words. He looked at him with red-rimmed eyes, the corner of his lips twitching in a self-mocking way that couldn't be hidden. "What are you afraid of?"

"Chen Shu, I know you don't want to be in a relationship with me. I don't need you to be responsible for me either."

His voice suddenly dropped again, tinged with the crazed murmur of drunkenness. Behind every slurred word was bone-deep pain. "Don't worry, I'm not asking for anything. I'll be on the bottom, I won't hurt you..."

After speaking, he continued to tug at Chen Shu's clothes. The force was too great, more like venting frustration, and a button even popped off. Chen Shu finally couldn't take it anymore and pushed him away. The piano bench was narrow, and Zhuang Yihan fell onto the carpet just like that.

In that instant, both of them froze.

Zhuang Yihan felt a pain in his elbow and came back to his senses a beat later. He hadn't expected Chen Shu to push him. His face was ghastly pale. He tried to force himself to stand up from the floor, but after two attempts, he failed and fell back down again.

Seeing this, Chen Shu's expression changed slightly. He immediately got up and moved forward to help him up. "Zhuang Yihan..."

But Zhuang Yihan didn't move. The moonlight shone in through the window, making his face look so pale and his eyes so red. A strand of hair slipped down in front of his eyes. He looked completely crestfallen as he mumbled, "Chen Shu, do you think I'm ridiculous? Is that why you don't want to be with me?"

Chen Shu was taken aback, then slowly bent down and squatted, wanting to pull him up. "Get up first, we can talk about it then."

But Zhuang Yihan didn't move, staring at him with a stubborn gaze and asking in a hoarse voice, "First, tell me if it's true."

Chen Shu: "You get up first."

Zhuang Yihan: "I won't!"

Chen Shu wanted to reach out and pull him up, but looking at Zhuang Yihan's pale face, he gave up on the idea. He decided to have a proper talk with him, choosing his words carefully. "Zhuang Yihan, the fact that I don't plan on dating you right now doesn't mean you're not good enough. It's just my own issue."

Hearing the topic of relationships, Zhuang Yihan finally calmed down a little. He looked at him with red eyes. "What issue?"

What issue?

Actually, Chen Shu couldn't explain it himself either. He just felt that he had expended too much emotion and energy on relationships in his past two lives. Past experience told him that only by grasping the most practical things at present did one have the right to think about the future. And right now, he just wanted to have a career that was truly his own as soon as possible.

Chen Shu told the truth, "My studies are too busy. If we were in a relationship, I might not have much time for you."

Zhuang Yihan instantly sat up from the floor at his words. He had just finished crying, and his dark pupils reflected a scattered and beautiful light under the lamp, filled with expectation. "You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself. We can be together when you're free, and I definitely won't bother you when you're not."

Chen Shu paused. "I'm not finished. The truth is, I'm not in the mood for a relationship right now, you understand?"

Zhuang Yihan didn't understand.

Or rather, he didn't understand what had affected Chen Shu's mood in this life, because they had started getting to know each other at this exact point in time in their last life.

He hesitated, "Then... does that mean you don't plan on considering a relationship at all in this life?"

Chen Shu shook his head slightly, never expecting Zhuang Yihan's train of thought to get so twisted. "I didn't say that. I just think that if I'm in a relationship, I should be completely devoted to you, but I don't have the time or energy for that right now."

Zhuang Yihan tried hard to persuade him, "You can just focus on your studies. You don't have to worry about me. Chen Shu, how will you know we're not a good match if you don't even try? We have to try first to know. If it doesn't work out, we can discuss a solution then."

Chen Shu remained silent for a moment before asking, "What if it doesn't work out?"

Zhuang Yihan was stunned. To be honest, he had never considered the possibility that he and Chen Shu wouldn't be a good match. "Then you say... you say what we should do."

Chen Shu obviously hadn't thought about this question either, but he had to placate Zhuang Yihan first. It wouldn't do for the other to be crestfallen over this every day. After a long silence, he finally spoke softly, "We can try getting to know each other for a year first. If we get along well during this year, then we'll try to continue."

Since Zhuang Yihan had already arranged for his father's medical treatment, Chen Shu felt there was no need to be coy. They could give it a try. He was starting his own business from scratch now; after a year, it wasn't something he couldn't repay.

Although Chen Shu didn't finish his sentence, anyone could understand his meaning. If they got along well, they could continue. If not, they would have to go their separate ways.

One year?

Hearing that word, Zhuang Yihan's heart ached. In his past life, when he kept Chen Shu, he had never thought it would last. He had also casually set a one-year term. In the end, they didn't even make it a year before Chen Shu died right before his eyes.

No one likes having a time limit set on their relationship, and Zhuang Yihan was no exception. It gave him a sense of insecurity, the feeling that the other person could pull away and leave at any time.

Then what about Chen Shu?

Did he feel as terrified and uneasy as he did now?

Zhuang Yihan was unwilling to think about it too deeply, nor did he dare to. He suppressed the sourness in his throat and said with a smile, "Okay..."

"One year. We'll try getting to know each other for a year first. During this year, if you think I'm alright, then you'll seriously consider being with me, okay?"

He never expected that the bullet from back then would hit him again in such a way, piercing through his past and present lives, bringing a tearing pain to his entire heart. But for some reason, Zhuang Yihan hoped it would hurt a little more, and then a little more...

This was all what Chen Shu had once experienced. He should also experience it thoroughly.

After speaking, the corners of Zhuang Yihan's eyes were slightly red. He looked at Chen Shu cautiously, and the latter didn't deliberately keep him in suspense, nodding seriously. "Okay, I promise you, I'll consider it seriously."

Only then did Zhuang Yihan reveal a genuine smile, but it looked heartbreaking no matter how one looked at it. "I believe you."

He believed in Chen Shu. The other man had never been the type to play with people's feelings.

Seeing Zhuang Yihan still sitting on the floor, Chen Shu let out an imperceptible sigh and bent down to lift him up. Zhuang Yihan took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Chen Shu's neck, clinging to him like a koala, hugging him very, very tightly.

Outside the window, the night spread out, and even the moonlight was bright and gentle, illuminating their embracing figures.

Chen Shu turned his head and kissed the tear-stained corners of Zhuang Yihan's eyes. His tone was low and indistinct, yet incredibly gentle. This moment felt so familiar, as if they had returned to the past. "Don't cry anymore, hmm?"

He didn't know how the other person had become such a crybaby in this life, when he used to be so formidable.

Zhuang Yihan didn't say anything, feeling ashamed himself. He hugged Chen Shu tightly and pleaded in a low voice, "Chen Shu, don't leave me, okay? Let's never be apart for our whole lives..."

Chen Shu didn't speak, just stroked his hair soothingly.

Zhuang Yihan looked up at him again and asked in a hoarse voice, "Are you staying tonight?"

He had a feeling Chen Shu wouldn't agree, and indeed, the other man gently shook his head. "I still have to go back to school to submit some competition materials. We can see each other again in a couple of days when the break starts."

Although Zhuang Yihan was reluctant to hear this, he still slowly loosened his grip. After all, he had said before that he would give Chen Shu space, and he didn't want the other to delay his studies because of this. He forced a smile. "Okay, then you can focus on your school matters. I'm here for your father's situation, so don't worry. If you need any help, be sure to tell me."

It was enough. Getting a chance for Chen Shu to relent was enough.

Even if it meant he could only watch the other from afar in the shadows for this one year, he would gladly endure it...