Separate

Chen Shu had originally thought he would spit out these words one by one, veins bulging in anger. However, when the words left his mouth, he found himself unexpectedly calm. The scene wasn't the hysterical one he had imagined; only the warm yellow light from above quietly spilled onto his shoulders, illuminating his tranquil features.

Zhuang Yihan, however, was far from being as calm as Chen Shu. He shot up from the table upon hearing the words, the fury they ignited nearly burning his reason to ashes: "Why?!"

Chen Shu: "There's no why. I just feel that we've never been suitable for each other."

Zhuang Yihan was so angry his fingertips trembled. He pinched himself hard to control the urge to flip the table, staring at Chen Shu and asking coldly, "I don't believe you. Did Jiang Xi say something to you?!"

"He didn't say anything to me. It's me who wants to separate from you."

Chen Shu pulled back his chair and stood up, thinking to himself, 'I guess we won't be having this meal today after all.' He took out the keys he had prepared in advance from his pocket, placed them on the table, and pushed them toward Zhuang Yihan.

"The keys to the car and the house are here. As for the money you lent me, give me some time, and I'll pay you back in full with interest."

Many things in this world require the other person's consent to be done, but breaking up is an exception. A relationship is something that needs two people to maintain. When one person chooses to leave, the world they built together instantly collapses. It is useless even if the other person desperately tries to support it alone.

After he finished speaking, Chen Shu turned to leave, but the loud sound of a chair being kicked over suddenly erupted from behind him. Then, his shoulder was gripped tightly as he was slammed against the wall.

"Chen Shu! Are you fucking crazy?! Telling me this during the New Year?!"

Zhuang Yihan was consumed by rage, unable to comprehend why the other man suddenly wanted to break up with him. He grabbed Chen Shu by the collar and demanded:

"Pay me back?! Can you fucking afford it?! Do you think what we have can be settled with a couple of damn keys and a pile of damn money?! Huh?!"

Zhuang Yihan had been blinded by rage, or he would never have sworn so recklessly. He quickly replayed every moment he had spent with Chen Shu in his mind, trying to find the reason for the breakup. But no matter how he thought about it, he couldn't find one. In the end, he could only blame it on Jiang Xi and asked incoherently:

"Jiang Xi? Did Jiang Xi say something to you? Huh?!"

"I... I did have something with him in the past, but that's over now. The business is done, the relationship is done, we'll never have contact again."

"Chen Shu, tell me, is it Jiang Xi? Say something! Are you breaking up with me because of Jiang Xi?!"

But the more flustered Zhuang Yihan became, the calmer Chen Shu was. He said nothing and pulled the hand clutching his collar away. "It has nothing to do with Jiang Xi. I want to separate from you on my own."

"Zhuang Yihan, let's just part on good terms."

"You're rich and powerful. It would be easy for you to find another kept lover like me. When you meet more people in the future, you'll realize someone like me is nothing special, that people like me are a dime a dozen."

Part on good terms?

Kept lover?

As Chen Shu spoke, Zhuang Yihan shook his head helplessly. Why should he part on good terms with Chen Shu? When had he ever treated Chen Shu as a kept lover? He loved him, and Chen Shu loved him back, didn't he?

Even someone as composed as Zhuang Yihan couldn't help but feel humbled after falling into the trap of love. He clutched Chen Shu tightly, as if the other would disappear like a puff of smoke if he loosened his grip even slightly. He tried to explain, "Chen Shu, I never saw you as a kept lover! I... I've always wanted to be with you. Are you blaming me for hiding things about Jiang Xi?! It wasn't on purpose. Can I apologize to you?!"

Tears gradually blurred his vision. Zhuang Yihan desperately tried to make Chen Shu stay, trying his best to prove their feelings for each other. "I love you, and you love me, right? Isn't that so?"

"Chen Shu, you were even willing to jump into the sea to save me. Why do you want to break up with me?!"

Hearing this, Chen Shu finally looked at Zhuang Yihan. He was smiling, but his tone was tinged with undisguised mockery:

"Yes, I love you, that's why I jumped in to save you..."

However, before Zhuang Yihan could feel happy, Chen Shu's next words plunged him into an icy abyss:

"But Zhuang Yihan, who did you jump in for?"

Chen Shu stared at him, asking earnestly, word by word:

"Zhuang Yihan, who did you jump in for because you loved them?"

"Jiang Xi?"

Meeting Chen Shu's gaze, Zhuang Yihan felt a chill spread through his body, the blood rushing to his head. He thought, 'Chen Shu really does know about my past with Jiang Xi.' His pale lips moved, and he managed to force out two words: "It's not..."

Zhuang Yihan shook his head forcefully. He was so panicked he couldn't form a complete sentence, a thousand words caught in his throat. "It's not... I was just... I was just afraid someone would drown..."

Chen Shu calmly retorted, "Because you loved him, so you were afraid someone would drown?"

Just like in his last life, he didn't love me, so he left without looking back, right?

This thought suddenly left a void in Chen Shu's heart. Some things, he had long known the answer to, but no matter how many times they were brought up, he still felt utter despair. He tilted his head back silently, closed his eyes, and tried to pull away from Zhuang Yihan to leave. But the sudden sound of something being thrown behind him made him freeze in his tracks.

"Was I supposed to just watch Jiang Xi drown?!"

Zhuang Yihan stood his ground, letting out a hysterical low roar like a furious caged beast. "You're breaking up with me just because I jumped in to save him?!"

He clenched his jaw, not understanding why this had become the catalyst for their breakup. "I didn't expect the waves to be that strong when I jumped in. I thought I could rescue him myself. Even though I don't love Jiang Xi anymore, I couldn't just stand by and watch him drown..."

"So you could just stand by and watch me drown?!!"

Chen Shu suddenly spun around without warning, grabbed Zhuang Yihan by the shoulders, and slammed him against the wall. The endless suppressed fury surged up in that instant, burning away the last of his reason. Chen Shu's eyes, usually gentle and smiling, were now bloodshot, concealing a secret hatred. He lowered his voice and asked through gritted teeth:

"Zhuang Yihan, you couldn't bear to see Jiang Xi die, so you could bear to watch me die?!"

Chen Shu thought he no longer cared, but he suddenly realized he still cared a lot.

He remembered how in his past life, he would painstakingly cook dinner every night and wait for Zhuang Yihan to come home to eat, but the other man never once returned. He remembered how Zhuang Yihan would carefully select a birthday gift for Jiang Xi every year, even if he only locked it away in a drawer and never sent it. He remembered giving Zhuang Yihan countless gifts, but the other man had his secretary put them all away without even unwrapping them. Zhuang Yihan never liked to take him to public places, nor did he allow him to touch him...

And... and so much more...

Chen Shu thought he could forget, but it turned out he remembered everything so clearly. The memories from his past life, filled with sorrow and pain, tormented him in his dreams every night. Scalding tears fell from his eyes, landing on the back of his hand, a burn that made one's heart panic.

How Chen Shu longed to ask Zhuang Yihan: Do you know how cold the water was that day? Do you know how desperate the person who jumped in was? Do you know he was always waiting for you to turn back? But he waited until death and never saw you look back even once...

But in this life, he couldn't.

With red-rimmed eyes, he could only let go of Zhuang Yihan. Shaking his head slowly, he took step after step backward, as if letting go of something he had once desperately sought but could never obtain.

If he had a choice, Chen Shu would rather have never met Zhuang Yihan. Even though his life would have been bitter and difficult, curled up quietly in some unknown little place, he would never have to hate anyone again. Nor would he have to lie awake night after night, jealous over a piece of candy in someone else's hand.

For some people, salvation is actually a burden heavier than life itself. That unforgettable affection from the past, they could never repay it even if they exhausted a lifetime of suffering.

In all the time Zhuang Yihan had known Chen Shu, he had only seen him cry twice. Once was today, and the other was when he had accidentally fallen into the swimming pool and been rescued. That night, in the quiet darkness, he had seen Chen Shu crying in his sleep, murmuring his name over and over again in a low voice.

Zhuang Yihan didn't understand what Chen Shu had said earlier, much less why he was in such pain and anger. He only felt a sudden, baseless panic, as if an invisible hand had violently seized his heart. The pain made him double over, struggling to breathe.

"Chen Shu..."

Zhuang Yihan stumbled two steps, his face pale as he reached for Chen Shu's hand. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead. He shook his head desperately and rasped out, "No... It's not like that..."

He was in so much pain he didn't even have the strength to stand steady. He just desperately clung to Chen Shu, terrified that the other man would really turn and leave without a backward glance. Scalding tears streamed down his face, his eyes so red they looked as if they would bleed. "I didn't want you to die... How could I ever want you to die... If you were the one who had fallen in that day... I would have saved you even if it killed me... But I wouldn't do that for Jiang Xi, do you understand? I... I only went down to save him that day because I thought there was no danger in the sea..."

When the person who once stood on a pedestal falls into the dust and finally bows their head to you, you don't feel any pleasure. You only feel that it shouldn't be this way, that they should have remained glorious and bright. Why did you have to drag them down by force?

For example, right now, Chen Shu felt that Zhuang Yihan shouldn't be crying, shouldn't be choking on sobs, and certainly shouldn't be crying so hard he couldn't even stand, crouching on the ground and desperately explaining something to the person he once looked down on.

Chen Shu stared at Zhuang Yihan without moving. After a moment, he finally stirred. Just as a panicked Zhuang Yihan thought he was about to leave, Chen Shu suddenly squatted down slowly, let out a soft laugh, and cupped his face. The coldness of his fingertips made one's heart sink.

"Zhuang Yihan, why are you crying?"

What is there to cry about?

"You said back then that you would only keep me for a year. After a year, we would part amicably, and neither would get entangled. Isn't it good to separate cleanly now?"

Although it hadn't been a full year yet, all things considered, there weren't many days left. The ending was already set.

At these words, Zhuang Yihan's pupils contracted. He grabbed Chen Shu's hand in a panic, clearly not expecting a casual joke from the past to suddenly turn into a sharp knife that pierced his heart. "No! What one year, what separation! I never thought about separating from you!"

Zhuang Yihan suddenly threw his arms around Chen Shu, hugging him tightly. He was so panicked, so uneasy, so forceful, as if terrified that the other would turn and leave decisively the very next moment. He apologized incoherently, "I'm sorry, Chen Shu... I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have approached you with those kinds of intentions back then. You can curse me, hit me, whatever you want. I apologize to you, I'll change everything. Just don't scare me with this talk of breaking up, okay?"

But Chen Shu remained silent from beginning to end. He watched Zhuang Yihan quietly, showing no trace of the hysteria from a few minutes ago. No matter how the man before him apologized and begged, he was neither angry nor pleased. When he raised his hand to gently brush away the stray hair from Zhuang Yihan's eyes, his movements were still gentle as he asked earnestly:

"Zhuang Yihan, isn't breaking up a good thing?"

You saved my father's life, helped me when my own life was on the verge of collapse, made me glamorous, provided for me, and personally lifted me to that unreachable high position. But in the end, I still dragged you down from it.

Now I'm finally letting you go. You should be happy. Why are you streaming with tears?

"It's not good! Not good! It's not good at all!"

Zhuang Yihan shook his head frantically, clinging to Chen Shu like a drowning man clutching a life-saving straw. The more he tried not to cry, the more he sobbed, gasping for breath. From start to finish, he just helplessly repeated one sentence, "Chen Shu... Don't break up... Let's not break up, okay... I don't want to be separated from you... Tell me what I did wrong... I'll change, I'll definitely change..."

"You're very good. You don't need to change anything."

Chen Shu explained in a gentle voice,

"If I like someone, I'll like them even if they're not good. If I dislike someone, I won't be moved no matter how perfect they are."

So, he was breaking up with him now simply because... he didn't like him anymore?

This thought struck Zhuang Yihan's head like a heavy hammer, pounding his mind into a blank slate. He forgot to apologize, forgot to cry. He just stood there stunned, the color draining from his face instantly. He stared at Chen Shu in disbelief, as if his very soul had shattered.

But Chen Shu acted as if nothing was wrong. He gently wiped the tears from the corner of Zhuang Yihan's eye with the pad of his thumb, comforting him in a soft voice:

"It's alright. You have a long road ahead of you. You'll meet thousands upon thousands of different people. Every single one of them will be better than me, and every single one will be better than Jiang Xi. When that time comes, you'll realize that Jiang Xi and I are actually nothing at all."

He really thought so.

However, this gentle yet ruthless attitude shattered Zhuang Yihan's heart.

A person after an emotional breakdown is like a tree that has lost its nutrients and is gradually withering. All his strength was drained. Zhuang Yihan's body swayed uncontrollably, and he staggered forward wretchedly, nearly falling to the floor before Chen Shu reached out in time to support him.

Zhuang Yihan suddenly became agitated. He grabbed the corner of Chen Shu's shirt, his eyes wide as he stared intently at him, his face pale and his lips trembling. "Chen Shu, you..."

He was trembling all over, as if he desperately wanted to ask something, but the answer terrified him, and he couldn't get the words out. "You..."

"Did you ever..."

Over and over, it was just a string of meaningless words.

Zhuang Yihan no longer knew what he was asking. His head was dizzy, a constant ringing in his ears. He could only hold himself up with Chen Shu's support. At last, he felt as though he had finally asked that monumentally heavy question, but Chen Shu raised a hand to his lips, gently making a shushing gesture.

"Shh..."

He said,

"No. Don't ask anymore..."

With a buzz, the last thread of tension in Zhuang Yihan's mind finally snapped.

His vision went black, and he lost consciousness completely.

The night was silent. Warm light spilled across the floor, illuminating the two people below, held in a tight embrace that seemed intimate. One of them had a placid expression, while the other's eyes were tightly shut, as if he had fainted from utter exhaustion.

A Black Snake lazily coiled overhead, devouring the overwhelming haze of pain that filled the room. Finally, it let out a contented burp and disappeared into the air with a light flick of its tail.

Chen Shu remained motionless in that position, his thoughts unknown. Finally, he seemed to notice the passage of time. He moved his numb legs, then slid an arm under Zhuang Yihan's knees and lifted him from the floor in a bridal carry.

Because he had been squatting for too long, his vision went dark for a moment when he stood up. He closed his eyes to recover before carrying the man into the bedroom.

Zhuang Yihan had fallen unconscious, but his dreams were filled with unease, his brow remaining tightly furrowed.

Seeing this, Chen Shu used a wet towel to wipe the dried tear tracks from his face, then pulled the nearby blanket over him. Only then did he leave the bedroom door ajar and return to the living room.

The food on the table had lost its color and freshness. It was so cold that even the grease had congealed. The chairs were in disarray, silently recounting the farce that had just taken place.

Chen Shu casually righted an overturned chair and realized it was already the latter half of the night. He took one last look at the ajar bedroom door, tossed the car keys and house keys in the entryway, gave a soft laugh, and turned to leave.