So What?

Very handsome, very charming, Cen Zeng was almost stunned watching him.

He didn't want to disappoint him now, but he also didn't want to disappoint him even more later.

Cen Zeng stood where he was and said, I don't know how to be in a relationship.

"I've never been in a serious one, but I think I'm quite good at it."

"I want to die every day."

"I know," Cheng Shuo said. "It's okay."

"You'll get very tired."

"We haven't even tried, how would you know?" The person before him smiled. "If you really must count it that way, what about all that from before? If I'm not with you, I won't be tired? Or will I be even more tired than before?"

Cen Zeng looked at him, not knowing what else to say.

"If you feel..." He once again wanted to propose a rule, "that you can't take it anymore, we can end it."

Cheng Shuo stood opposite him, smiling. "Why wouldn't it be you who can't take it?"

Cen Zeng tilted his head, seriously considered this question, and said, It's unlikely that I wouldn't be able to take you. You... are too good to me.

"What if I can't take it anymore? Would that still be considered being good to you?"

"That wouldn't be your fault either." Cen Zeng looked at him. "That's my problem."

He had many problems. For instance, at this very moment, he wanted to agree, yet he had the illusion that he was pushing someone into an abyss.

But Cheng Shuo just imitated him, holding out his arms: "A hug?"

A hug. For the first time in a long while, Cen Zeng felt a sense of unfamiliarity with the world. His hands didn't seem to belong to him, but the warmth of the person opposite him was real and tangible. It was as if someone had inexplicably pushed open a door and said, "I'm moving in."

He didn't want to refuse, couldn't turn and walk away, so he faintly despised himself, yet willingly accepted it.

Forget it. Forget it.

Just let yourself go.

During the long embrace, the sound of the rain grew louder.

He finally lifted his head and said softly, I'll go close the window.

Cheng Shuo was hopelessly amused by him, saying, Baby, you really don't have a single romantic bone in your body.

He'd never been called that before, so he looked up and said, What?

He didn't know what his expression was, but his new boyfriend just looked at him, smiling so widely his eyes crinkled: "Baby."

He was silent for a few seconds, then finally just went to pull the window shut. He said, "Oh, then I need to sweep up the glass shards. Can you get me a pair of gloves?"

Cheng Shuo headed for the kitchen, saying, "Okay, I'll get them."

The amusement was still audible in his voice from behind.

He listened, baffled, and then realized that the corners of his own mouth seemed to be turned up as well.

The next day, Song Shuyi, who had given himself a long vacation, appeared in the laboratory, relaxed and carefree, and announced very happily, "I'm done with this."

The Senior Brothers cheered, and after unreservedly giving everyone a sharp critique, he called Xu Zhenqing and Cen Zeng out.

The three of them stood in the emergency exit.

Under the green light, the medical students' expressions were all utterly placid.

Xu Zhenqing held a file, her tone as placid as a still well: "Director Li didn't make things difficult for you procedurally?"

"He's killing the chicken to scare the monkey. He couldn't wait for me to get lost, so he could make your life miserable next."

"Just dumping a huge mess on me like this." Xu Zhenqing's expression was suitably speechless. "Aren't you even a little bit ashamed?"

"What's there to be ashamed of?" Song Shuyi smiled. "I really couldn't hold on anymore, Sister Xu. With great power comes great responsibility, what can I do? Just barely wrap up those unfinished projects for me."

Xu Zhenqing shook her head and said, "Shuyi, get some good rest."

"That's a meaningless thing to say." The Senior Brother opposite her dropped his cheerful expression. "What can I say to you? Work hard? That sounds too hellish."

The junior listened to them banter, not saying a word.

Song Shuyi put his arm around his shoulder: "What about you, Cen Zeng? Your class midterms are over, right? You should be starting your clinical rotations soon. Are you ready?"

"No," he answered. "It sounds very troublesome."

"I was going to say, if it really comes down to it, just tell them you're from the department head's research group to put some pressure on them, but Li Aimin is just too much of a bastard."

He didn't hold back at all. Now that he was leaving, he was calling people by their full names.

"Good luck on your own, your Senior Brother has high hopes for you."

"That doesn't sound like a good thing either," Cen Zeng replied flatly.

"Then let me say something nice." Song Shuyi wasn't angry either. "How are things with that handsome guy? Are you two together? Hurry up and date, or you'll end up like me, getting kicked out, then you're done for."

He said it lightly, as if all those years of hard work meant nothing.

"We're together," Cen Zeng answered.

"That's great..." Song Shuyi patted his shoulder. "Then I can start advising you to break up."

"What kind of habit is that?" Xu Zhenqing couldn't listen anymore. "When I was in my ambiguous phase, you were desperately begging me to get into a relationship. Now that Cen Zeng is actually in one, you're starting to advise him to break up?"

Song Shuyi was completely unfazed, his whole person radiating a glow that might or might not have been genuine: "Of course. Advise getting together during the ambiguous phase, advise breaking up once they're together. Honest with young and old alike, I just love doing this stuff."

Xu Zhenqing played along with his topic: "Let Cen Zeng go, he doesn't look like he likes people. He finally likes one, so you should quickly wish them a long and happy life together."

Song Shuyi smiled, looked at his expressionless junior and his feigning-optimism senior, shook his head, and said, That's not for me to decide.

The happy topic of conversation eventually ran its course, and finally, there was nothing left to say.

"What are you planning to do next?" Xu Zhenqing asked him. "Apply for your master's graduation in a year, and then take the civil service exam?"

Song Shuyi pouted and said, What's with that? Is my only option to either study medicine or take the civil service exam, and then bow my head to serve the people?

Can't I go into business?

"Don't lose all of your parents' money," Xu Zhenqing critiqued sharply.

"You worry more than my parents." Song Shuyi shook his head. "No idea. I'll just laze around and wait to die for a while."

No matter how nice it sounded, no matter how calm his expression was, suffering, it seemed, was still just suffering.

In the end, Song Shuyi still said calmly, Sister Xu, back then, I really thought that after I finished my PhD, I would do three years of Standardized Residency Training here, and then, become an attending physician.

"The first time I met you..." Xu Zhenqing also sighed. "I thought so too."

"Everyone has their own fate." Song Shuyi said, "You still remember what we talked about a long time ago, right? Trudeau said, 'To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.' Back then I asked, 'Is that all a doctor can do?' You said, 'Being able to do that is already amazing.'"

"Of course," Xu Zhenqing replied. "I still think so now."

"As for now..." Song Shuyi sighed. "I think, that quote, it seems it's not wrong to apply it to ourselves either."

He stopped there, then asked the two of them if they wanted to go out for a good meal, as a farewell dinner.

No one refused. The three of them gathered at Haidilao.

They drank plum juice until it felt like they were getting drunk.

Song Shuyi said: "I wish you a bright future."

Cen Zeng couldn't speak.

And Xu Zhenqing added: "Here's to all of us surviving."

PhD students from a top School of Medicine, and in the end, their most sincere wish was just this: it's enough just to be alive.

[Author's Note]

The author seems to be at a loss for words.

It seems like anything I say would be a spoiler, so I'm struggling to keep my mouth shut...