The bell rang signaling the end of class just as Chu Yi was staring out the window lost in thought. He had been waiting for this bell all morning, and snapped out of his daydreaming state in an instant.

The teacher didn't hold them over and directly dismissed the class with a wave of his hand.

But when Chu Yi tried to stand up, he couldn't - it was as if his chair was stuck and wouldn't budge.

He turned his head and saw Li Zihao sitting in the back row with a slight smile on his lips. Looking down further, he saw Li Zihao's foot propped against his chair.

"Why aren't you leaving yet," Li Zihao looked at him, "You seem to be in quite a hurry."

Chu Yi didn't say anything and just turned back around to continue sitting in his chair.

"Go on," Li Zihao said gleefully, "What are you sitting there in a daze for, I see you lately..."

The classmates in the front row got up and left. Chu Yi directly pushed his desk forward, stood up and walked towards the door.

Li Zihao's foot met air, making a sharp sound as the chair leg scraped against the floor.

"You stand right there!" This made Li Zihao lose a lot of face. He slapped the desk and jumped up.

Chu Yi didn't even look back and took off running.

He ran down the stairs in a flash and out the school gate in a blink.

Today went quite smoothly, no one else intercepted him on his escape route.

After running a good distance, he slowed his pace, but was still going much faster than usual to get home, because he had agreed to go have lunch at Yan Hang's place today.

He wanted to arrive before Yan Hang started cooking, so he could watch Yan Hang bustle about.

He liked watching Yan Hang cook with fluid motions, looking very handsome. If Yan Hang livestreamed, he could lean in and show his face, maybe helping boost the popularity of the faded masked food host who never went viral.

Just as he turned the corner, his phone suddenly rang.

Chu Yi took out his phone. Seeing it was his mom's number, he instantly felt a bit depressed.

The phone seemed to sense his depression too. After swiping some eighty times, the call was about to end before it finally connected.

"You're out of school, right," his mom's voice came through, "Go to the vegetable market, the clothes your grandma made at that tailor shop are ready, go pick them up."

"I'm re-, reviewing." Chu Yi stuck to his previous excuse.

"Review what! With your terrible grades, reviewing for a bit will improve them? Allow you to pass?" Mom said, "You think I want to ask you to run this errand for fun? Your dad said he'd go pick them up when he got back at noon, but there's no sign of him at all, and his phone is off!"

"I'll go get them." Chu Yi said.

"Useless just like your dad." Mom hung up the phone.

Chu Yi furrowed his brows and stood by the roadside for a while, but in the end still turned and headed towards the vegetable market.

As he walked, he called Yan Hang, but Yan Hang never picked up.

He sent a message over.

-I'm going to the vegetable market first to pick up clothes for my grandma, will be there soon

After some thought, he added another message.

-Wait for me a bit

Yan Hang didn't reply either, not sure if he was busy or upset.

He shouldn't be upset, Yan Hang only got mad at him that time he helped search for his pen in the muddy riverbank, usually quite even-tempered.

Probably just had something to do.

Chu Yi sighed.

He pretty much knew what was sold at each stall and storefront in the vegetable market. The shop his grandma often got clothes made at was by the back entrance of the market, requiring passing through the entire market.

For the first time, Chu Yi discovered how huge this market was, how far it was from the front entrance to the back.

After finally getting his grandma's clothes, he didn't even bother opening it to take a look before immediately heading back, again at a run.

Passing by Yan Hang's place, he glanced over, the curtains were drawn.

Was Yan Hang sleeping?

He was twisting his face pondering this when a motorcycle suddenly shot out from the intersection ahead, nearly colliding with him.

Chu Yi got a fright and took two steps back before glancing at the person on the motorcycle.

It was Liang Bing.

"You wanna die?" Liang Bing glared at him. "Move!"

Chu Yi stood still. Liang Bing revved the engine and the motorcycle sped off.

He couldn't help looking back again. Liang Bing was actually so busy he didn't even stop to give him trouble.

Of course, it was also possible he had been scared off by Uncle Yan and Yan Hang that day.

Chu Yi smiled, finding himself feeling a bit smug.

"Where's that letter?" Yan Hang looked at his dad. "I want to see it."

"No need right now." Dad said.

"Then when will there be a need!" Yan Hang suddenly had trouble controlling his voice. "When will it be needed? When you're gone for good?"

Dad's head whipped around and he stared at him without a word.

Yan Hang also fell silent.

This question had been weighing on his mind for some time, like a nail being hammered deeper by time each day.

When it finally burst out, there was only blankness.

He was quiet for a long while. When he spoke again, his voice was a bit faint, as if unable to find the starting point.

"Let's go." Yan Hang said.

"What?" Dad was stunned.

"You said I'm in charge this time," Yan Hang said. "I want to leave now, right now, immediately."

Dad opened his mouth but no words came out.

"You lied to me," Yan Hang leaned against the wall and smiled wryly at his dad. "Old Yan, you lied to me."

"Yan Hang," Dad frowned, walked over and pulled him into a tight hug, patting his back forcefully twice. "Don't say that."

"Then what should I say?" Yan Hang heard the tremor in his own voice.

He wanted to cry.

A very unexpected feeling.

Over the years, he had experienced all sorts of emotions and feelings - anxiety, irritation, nervousness, unease, fear, repression - but rarely did he want to cry.

Crying was a form of release.

But he had never found that outlet.

"What should I say? So you won't leave?" He closed his stinging eyes.

Dad gently patted his back without a word.

"In your heart," Yan Hang said softly, "I'm not even as good as a dead person."

Dad's hand suddenly froze. After a very long time, he finally let go of him.

"In my life," Dad held his face, "I've lived an especially tiring life. I've let your mom down, and let you down too... but some knots in the heart are dead knots, stuck there, unable to get past for a lifetime, and they're all there when things quiet down."

Yan Hang looked at his dad, seeing a pain in his eyes that he had never seen before.

"I know I shouldn't have let you live this kind of life, really shouldn't have," Dad's hands were shaking, "But... I already considered myself quite free and easy, living life until there was no path of retreat."

The slight trembling of Dad's hands shook from his shoulders all the way into his heart.

He felt himself sinking down bit by bit, as if he could see the sunlight in his peripheral vision changing frame by frame, just like every time he sat by the window staring at the sunset.

"You didn't let Mom down," Yan Hang said, "The only one you let down is me."

Dad went silent.

The room fell into dead silence, as if even the sounds from outside the window had been cut off.

Finally, Dad patted his shoulder, then grabbed it forcefully, turned and quickly walked out.

When the sound of the door closing rang out, Yan Hang sat down on the floor.

When Chu Yi brought Grandma's clothes back home in the first grade, Mom was holding her phone calling Dad.

"Still can't get through or he's not picking up," Grandma took the clothes and shook them out to look, "The workmanship from this place is still good, look at these stitches, so neat and tidy."

"Not picking up!" Mom threw the phone on the sofa, "What's wrong with this person! Not a single reliable one in the whole family!"

"What are you standing there for!" Grandma gave Chu Yi a sideways glance, "Can't you see your mom is upset? Can't go give a hand with cooking!"

"I..." Chu Yi said softly, "I still have to go to school to review."

"Review my ass!" Grandma threw the clothes on the coffee table, "Just being lazy!"

Chu Yi didn't make a sound.

"Alright, alright," Mom waved her hand, a bit irritated, "I can't eat anything, I still have to go for an interview in a bit, so annoying, your grandpa isn't even coming back from playing chess. There are two steamed buns, you eat them, I won't eat."

"Eat steamed buns! Eat steamed buns!" Grandma threw things here and there, "I might as well directly gnaw on my coffin!"

Chu Yi hesitated for a moment, then turned and went out the door, closing it quickly behind him, but still couldn't block out the sound of Grandma's cursing.

As soon as he went out, he took out his phone to take a look.

No messages at all.

Yan Hang hadn't responded to him this whole time.

Now it had been almost an hour since he got out of school, and Yan Hang knew when he got out, but never contacted him.

He didn't know what the situation was, and could only continue to call Yan Hang while running towards his house.

He ran the whole way without even drinking any water at noon.

When he got to Yan Hang's door, the phone still wasn't being picked up.

Chu Yi knocked on the door: "Yan Hang?"

No movement.

He knocked a couple more times: "Uncle! Uncle Yan?"

The house remained very quiet.

He went to the window to take a look. The curtains were drawn but the window wasn't closed. He lifted the curtain: "Yan Hang!"

The lights weren't on inside. Chu Yi blinked a few times to adjust to the dimness and saw Yan Hang sitting motionless on the floor.

"Yan Hang!" Chu Yi got a fright and called out again.

Yan Hang still didn't move.

He braced himself on the windowsill and jumped in, rushing to Yan Hang's side and grabbing his arm: "Yan..."

Yan Hang suddenly fiercely flung his arm, grabbing Chu Yi's wrist with his other hand and twisting it hard.

"Ah!" Chu Yi cried out. The intense pain radiating from his arm forced him to fall to the floor beside Yan Hang.

"Who?" Yan Hang asked.

"Chu Yi," Chu Yi turned his face to look at him from where he was lying on the floor, "Yan Hang, it's me, Chu Yi!"

Yan Hang let go: "You're out of school?"

"Yeah," Chu Yi got up. Yan Hang's state was very strange, making him a bit scared, "What's wrong with you? Are you not feeling well?"

"No." Yan Hang held his head, burying his face against his knees, his voice muffled as he replied.

"I..." Chu Yi didn't know what to say, "Are you hungry?"

"Get me a glass of water." Yan Hang said.

"Okay." Chu Yi quickly jumped up, went and poured a glass of water, handing it to Yan Hang.

Yan Hang took the glass and downed the water in one gulp, then held his head and buried his face against his knees again.

Chu Yi was at a bit of a loss, and could only squat beside him and look at him.

"Let's order takeout." Yan Hang said.

"Oh." Chu Yi responded.

Yan Hang took his phone and slowly scrolled through it, ordering a pizza.

"Why don't you go sit on the sofa?" Chu Yi lightly touched his arm.

"Don't want to move." Yan Hang said.

"Oh." Chu Yi picked up the empty glass, went and poured another glass of water, placing it by Yan Hang's feet, then sat down against the wall next to him.

Yan Hang sat silently without moving for a long time, then straightened up and leaned against the wall: "I just... said something really messed up."

"Huh?" Chu Yi was a bit stunned, not understanding.

"Really, really messed up." Yan Hang said.

"To who?" Chu Yi asked.

"My dad." Yan Hang's voice was very low.

Chu Yi looked around the room. Uncle Yan didn't seem to be home.

From the sound of what Yan Hang was saying, the two of them seemed to have... had a fight?

Chu Yi had a hard time imagining it. Uncle Yan and Yan Hang were the most in-sync and friend-like father and son he had ever seen. They actually had a fight?

"Where's Uncle Yan?" Chu Yi asked.

"Don't know." Yan Hang said.

The conversation couldn't continue. Chu Yi could only continue to sit silently beside Yan Hang.

He couldn't guess what Yan Hang was thinking, only knowing that he was in a very bad state.

When the phone call from the delivery person came, Yan Hang acted like he didn't hear it at all and didn't move a muscle. Chu Yi took the phone and answered, then carefully touched Yan Hang: "I'll go to the door to get the food."

"Mm." Yan Hang responded.

Chu Yi got up and ran out, got the food and quickly ran back.

"Eat now?" He put the pizza down beside Yan Hang.

"Eat." Yan Hang said.

Chu Yi opened the box. When he was about to take a slice for Yan Hang, he stopped, ran to wash his hands, then took a slice and held it to Yan Hang's mouth: "Here."

"You're feeding me?" Yan Hang smiled.

"Open up," Chu Yi also smiled, "Take a big bite."

Yan Hang took a bite: "Aren't you going to be late for school?"

"I already went to one class," Chu Yi said.

Before getting the takeout, he had already checked the time and was late by then.

"You're skipping class?" Yan Hang asked.

"Mm." Chu Yi nodded.

This was the first time in his life he had skipped class. With Yan Hang in this state, he didn't dare leave. Forget skipping class, he wouldn't even care much about dropping out of school.

Yan Hang could talk, laugh, and eat, and ate quite a bit.

It seemed like nothing was wrong, but Chu Yi could still sense that something was very off with Yan Hang.

After finishing the pizza, he continued leaning against the wall in his original posture, staring out the window in a daze.

After Chu Yi cleaned up the takeout boxes, he also sat back down beside him. He didn't know what he should do in this situation, or what else he could do.

For the entire afternoon, Yan Hang barely moved.

But occasionally he would say a few words to him.

It wasn't until the sky started to darken that Yan Hang finally moved, slowly changing from sitting to squatting: "My cigarettes are by the bed, help me get them."

"Mm." Chu Yi stood up and took a couple steps before realizing his legs were numb. Those two steps made him seem half-paralyzed. He had to lean against the wall and rest for a bit before entering Yan Hang's room.

Yan Hang's bed was a bit messy, with the pillow, towel and blankets all in a pile, and several books with English titles based on the covers. Chu Yi glanced over them but couldn't find a single word he recognized.

After getting the cigarettes for Yan Hang, he checked the time. It was past 6 o'clock.

"You should head back. You've been here all afternoon," Yan Hang lit a cigarette and held it in his mouth. "Thanks."

"Thanks my ass," Chu Yi said.

Yan Hang chuckled.

"What do you want to eat?" Chu Yi asked. "Takeout or..."

"I'll cook," Yan Hang said. "You don't want to go home, right?"

"I'm not comfortable going home," Chu Yi said.

"I'm fine," Yan Hang tutted.

"Then I don't want to go back," Chu Yi changed his words.

Yan Hang slowly stood up, bracing himself against the table. He leaned against the wall, stretching his arms and legs. Taking the wallet from the table, he handed it to him: "Go to the supermarket across the street and buy some groceries. Get whatever you want to eat. I'm going to take a shower."

"Oh." Chu Yi took the wallet.

"How come you're not saying you have money now?" Yan Hang said.

"Didn't bring any money," Chu Yi sighed.

"Go on," Yan Hang shook his arms. "Also buy a bottle of iced red tea. Get whatever you want to drink yourself."

"Mm." Chu Yi nodded.

Seeing Yan Hang grab his clothes and head into the bathroom, he finally left.

The supermarket wasn't far from Yan Hang's place. You could see it right out the door.

Chu Yi quickly crossed the street. Just as he stepped onto the sidewalk, someone ran over from the side, bumping into him. He instinctively tightened his grip on the wallet.

Before he could walk forward, another person ran past.

"Someone really died?" Then someone shouted while running.